Finding Him and Me

Chapter 27 - Admitting Thoughts and Growing Feelings

Luckily it's a Sunday and everyone is at home, so as soon as I reach home, I go around to everyone and show them the shoes and tell them the special story behind it. If I start talking about how amazing it feels, I will not stop. So I won't :D

After lunch I take an afternoon walk to the bangle store. There is a cool gentle breeze and light sunshine and my open hair sways around when I cross the relatively empty streets. I have been thinking about giving Arjun another chance. Not like you have another option babe, admit it, he makes you weak in the knees, my inner goddess scoffs. She can bloody well, stick her ludicrous thoughts where the sun doesn't shine, because she is absolutely wrong! Am I, Alia? YES!

Anyways, it's actually because, it would be better for us and the dance if we put our differences and issues behind us. But I'm also worried that he's going to become more annoying and difficult to stand if we become 7.5% friendly. Boys do that. Judgemental, but okay. That bitch huffs. Fuck off.

I enter the store and say Hello to the salesman. He knows our family well, since we've been coming here since I was a foot long. Very small indeed. "I need 20 centimetres of one inch white elastic, fabric glue and silver stones and sequins." I request.

I select snowflake shaped sequins, plain round ones and some rainbow-tinted ones, pay and leave.

My grandmother stitches the elastic on the shoes after I get back. She can do magic with needle and thread and she's super neat. I don't try on the shoes, not yet, because I want to do that with Miss Shona. Besides we both wear the same size, 4, and the shoes will undoubtedly fit. I stick the loose sequins and add some more twinkles here and there, until they start resembling magical Ballet Shoes. After showering them with 37 hugs and kisses I reluctantly put it away and prepare a steaming cup of strong Expresso.

Not wanting to sound unfaithful or anything, but I love both black tea and coffee equally. So I drink according to my mood. The current mood is seemingly umm, skittish and twitchy. I retrieve my journal from the locker drawer and flip open a new page. Here goes.... I uncap a fine nibbed ball pen and chew my lower lip.

2/12/18

Dear diary,

The Anal Compulsive exams have come to an end and the exciting ballet rehearsals have started in full swing. We have a Prince Charming. I have a Prince. His name is Arjun.

I, um, I hmmm, I almost hate him.

You see, its silly, we had like this extremely dramatic encounter and then I had a dream and then he ended up being the blasted Prince. I really want to swear right now, but I don't know why the fuck I'm not. And then for one day everything was good, and the next day, everything was bad. Also, there was this one time when we were so close, and I could feel the heat from his body hitting mine, overwhelming me. His narrow hips pressing into mine. It felt so new, so good.

Oh god! I'm blushing right now. This is so bad. Oh what do I do?

I really am overreacting, aren't I? I knew it!

I'm just going to have to keep my absurd girly emotions in check before I end up doing something I regret.

Love Alia.

I close the book and put it away. What in Devil's name is wrong with me?!

I start my Bikaner packing to get my mind off shit. Three jeans, full sleeve plain t-shirts - blue, black, pink, white, grey (I absolutely freaking hate Graphic tees to the core of the planet), two black slacks, a couple skirts, five crop sweatshirts - three of them that have NASA printed across it ( Its super "me" because of the geeky feel to it. But it also looks sexy, which is a plus point), and couple sweatpants. I open the next cupboard and pull out some sweaters, red, silver, blue and emerald green. I add a woollen cap, two pairs of gloves, five pairs of short socks and three pairs of thigh length socks, glitter stockings, plain stocking, lace stocking and fishnets for new years. I have a few warm dresses too which I lovingly add to the giant heap on the bed.

I love packing. Like LOVE. The OCD part of me, feels on cloudnine, because I can fold, arrange, and organise stuff obsessively as ever. Its like party time for her. I decide to pack the essentials later and begin piling up the clothes into the suitcase neatly.

Bikaner, Rajasthan. That's my mom's home. Her parents and my most loved grandparents stay there. They own two palace like hotels there. Bhanwar Niwas and Gaj Kesri. They're the most magnificent boutique hotels in the whole fucking world. They look like a Princess on her wedding day, so damn perfect and wow. My nana and nani live in Gaj Kesri, they have a small home on the top floor and their son lives in Bhanwar Niwas. Everything about that place is soul lifting and happy. I can't wait to get my ass there. The winter and autumn seasons are the best, its chilly and rainy respectively, and those are my favourite seasons.

The Ballet Program is on the night of 18th December and my flight departs on the 20th morning.

Tara, Noor and I are having a get-together day after tomorrow at Tara's home and I'm really looking forward to it. The last few days have been, bizarre and some chilling will be a nice break from the strange experiences with Arjun.

I finish The Da Vinci code and take a few minutes to calm down. Dan Brown's thrillers are spine-chilling, nerve-wracking and stressful. Then I start reading "Fifty Shades Darker" for the fourth time. Words can't explain how much Erika's words mean to me.

I go to bed after dinner, and fall asleep thinking about Arjun. He's growing on me. A small smile curves my lips and peace settles in.

************

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