Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.16. The Subway Story

Anthony

Now that Hannah was set up in her new room she gets right into treatment. With this drug it is supposed to attack the cancerous cells quicker and more aggressively hopefully sending her into remission soon. The human body isn't meant for such harmful drugs but this one has has less side effects so I'm hoping this will be a easy journey that ends with a clean bill of health.

So I sit with Hannah and Celeste as she gets the drugs pumped in her through her central vain they put in her. She had her favorite Cubs head scarf on and the same blue eyes as her daughter. Though her eyes don't weather as many storms as Celeste.

"So Hannah, what is your most embarrassing story of Celeste" I ask making her smile.

"Oh no" Celeste says as she sits up in her chair.

"I don't even know where to start" Hannah claims as I laugh.

"Mom" Celeste whines.

"I think I'm going to tell him the subway story" Hannah says.

"Anything but the subway story" Celeste begs.

"Hey. I'm here for a while, I'm telling the subway story" Hannah defends.

"I'm excited" I announce as Celeste sends me a playful glare.

"Me too" Hannah jokes. "So it was 1998, Callie was just eight years old and she was already pretty independent. I honestly felt like she stopped needing me the moment she first used the potty on her own. Anyways, we were out and about on a hot August afternoon in the heart of Atlanta. Sometimes we would just hop subway systems and see the city, meet new people and just have some fun. We didn't have money and the weekends were the only time I got to spend time with my beautiful little girl. We often times just experienced the city and all it has to offer. My husband loved Atlanta, if he were still alive we never would have moved. That was his home and for a while it was ours too. Leaving was hard but we couldn't survive if we stayed. My goal was to make my daughter the happiest little girl in the world. And most of the time that was true.

But on this day she was a little confused. I guess a lot of people looked like me and we got separated on a rail cart as we moved through the city. So eight year old Callie walks up to every single woman on this train asking if they were her mother. Even the black and Hispanic woman, one of them was a Dude. And I just watched because I told her not to let go of my hand and of course she was a independent woman, she didn't need to hold my hand. The little bit of defiance turned into fear once she realized she reached for my hand to hold and I wasn't there. I had eyes on her the whole time, never lost sight. But by this time she starts freaking out.

She gets to me and looked up at me with those big blue eyes and asks "are you my mother?" I was about the tenth person she asked and I was a little offended she couldn't tell it was me. But I decided to have a little fun so I looked her dead in the eyes and said "I'm sorry sweetie, but I'm not your momma." Little Callie mutters a "oh, okay" before turning to the next person to ask them. I was trying so hard not to laugh but I couldn't help it.

She immediately realized I was messing with her and turns back around. She starts throwing a temper tantrum right there in the subway but I couldn't stop laughing. The look on her face made it so worth it" she tells me.

"Now that... is great" I admit.

"That's embarrassing! I couldn't even find my own mother" Celeste pouts.

"Oh quit your whining, you learned your lesson and now I get to tell everyone the story about how for a moment I wasn't your mother" Hannah chuckles.

"Well I hate it" Celeste mumbles.

Eventually the drugs start to kick in and it makes Hannah tired. Wanting to save her strength for the testing she has to do after treatment we let her close her eyes and Celeste and I retreat to the cafeteria. I get us some food and we hang out there.

"Your childhood seemed like a lot of fun" I admit.

"It was a lot of things, and fun was one of them. Mom always made sure that yes it is okay to dream, you should dream every chance you get, but to know the difference between what is a dream and what is a reality. Our reality was we didn't have money but that is okay. Love can be found in any place should you look hard enough" she explains.

"I really hope this drug works quickly. She was close to being done as is, this should send it over the top. Then maybe you guys can enjoy a subway ride here in the city" I smirk.

"Ha ha very funny" she smiles.

"Seriously though. I think she's close. Then when she's out maybe you can get out too" I try.

She just shakes her head as a long sigh passes her lips. "My problems started long before she was here and will last long after she's gone. The reason I am so hung up on my childhood is because that was the last time I felt like a human. I wasn't a girlfriend or a wife, I was just me. No one cared about who I was with, just who I was. And I'll never have that again" she explains.

"Your mom doesn't want to leave this hell just to find out you're in one of your own" I insist.

"She won't know. Once this is all said and done she goes back to Seattle. The only reason she's here is for treatment. Like me she feels like Washington is the best place for us. Atlanta was great but we both adore Seattle the most. James bought her a house there back when he was a rookie so that's where she will go" she says.

"You sure he won't take that from her too" I question.

"No. But he's made it so I don't get a say in it anyway so does it matter what I say" she asks.

"It should" I insist.

"Well, it doesn't" she claims.

The table falls silent because I felt so bad. This girl is trying, she's trying so hard to keep going. She's done nothing wrong yet she suffers more than anyone I know and she hasn't even told me everything yet. I want more than anything to give this girl the life she deserves. I don't know why I just know she deserves better than this. Hannah too. It's terrifying not knowing when I will see them next, if I can see them. I know James hates my guts now but I rather be on the devils bad side than his good side. I just hope I can figure out a way to help Celeste find that childhood happiness she misses so much.