Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.96. Yellow Tulips

Celeste

It's the end of October now and we've been home for a few days. It's been a endless cycle of people passing by to see the baby or help us out. I haven't slept much or ate much but Anthony has been on top of it. Like he says I can't help her if I'm not doing good myself so I stop to eat a few times and take a nap when I can but I never sleep for more than a hour at a time. I wake up just to see that perfect little face and I have to smile.

"She's so precious" Carmen says as she picks her up. I smile big as Carmen get as little tear in her eye.

"She's been pretty good so far. At least when she cries I know she's still alive" I admit.

"You got those first time mom worries huh" she asks.

"About literally everything. If I bring another dirty diaper to Anthony to see if it looks suspicious to him he is actually going to throw up on me" I giggle.

"How has the big man been holding up" she wonders.

"He's been great, better than anything I could have asked for. The man would breast feed if he could. I think going through the birthing process really got to him. I don't think it's really set in for me that I really did that. Though the pain is a nice reminder" I joke.

"Well I'm glad to hear you guys are getting through it. And I'm happy to see my god-daughter make her easy arrival. She is just the most precious thing ever" she claims.

"Once she's a little older and a little more independent we'll bring her to a Bears game. Let everyone see her and take some pictures" I promise.

"Amy is making me a god mom jersey so I am ready" Carmen insists.

"Can't wait" I smile.

After a while her and Jordan take off. While baseball season just ended football is just getting started. Anthony and I catch the games on tv but haven't been to one since the super bowl earlier this year. I'm sure we will be out but not until she can at least hold her head up and look around.

Anthony comes home from being out getting groceries. We haven't touched hardly anything in the fridge since we've been home but we needed food bad. Plus I was running out of diapers unlike Stella over here.

As soon as Anthony gets back he dumps everything off at the front door and comes right over to Stella and I laid up on the couch. He pulls me into a kiss before softly placing one on her head. I smile as he just smiles down at us happy to be here.

"How are you guys doing" he asks softly so he doesn't wake her.

"We're good. Happy you're home" I assure him.

"I got us some good meals with protein and vegetables for dinner. I know it's hard but you gotta eat too" he insists.

"It sounds perfect" I assure him.

So I feed her and she goes right back to sleep. The girl loved being unconscious but there wasn't much for her to do yet. As she gets older she will be able to look around and explore. For now she's just kind of existing and I am so happy she is.

I join Anthony for a nice dinner and try not to talk about the baby but it's hard. She's our pride and joy. Everything we could ever hope for in a child. Although we are tired and hungry we are as happy as ever.

"I want to ask you something, but you don't have to answer if you don't want to" he starts.

"I hate it when you start a conversation like this" I mumble.

"It's not about James, it's about your dad" he claims.

"Oh" I gasp. "I'm not sure how much help I will be. I don't remember much about him" I admit.

"That's what I was going to ask about. I know you talk well of your dad but you had to grow up without him there. He wasn't there to tell you how much you meant to him. His only daughter. Did you still feel his impact even though you couldn't remember him" he asks me.

"I know my father loved me. I can feel it in the way I miss him. In the way I wished he was there for so many important moments in my life. Part of what made me so upset with James is because he took away that little girls dad and he knew how much that hurt me. My mom was everything I needed but sometimes a girl just wants her dad. Someone to make jokes in rough times and not be so serious and someone who finds ways out of situations I would never come up with. Even mom knew that life was so much better with dad around and I could tell. Every time I look at the stars I remember that I was that for him and that means everything to me" I explain.

"I'm going to be gone a lot. I don't want her to ever feel like I'm not here for her" he claims.

"Like me she can feel that even when you're not around, you wish you were. You're not abandoning her, and she will know that. Every time you say goodbye you'll tell her that you will spend your time counting down the seconds until you're home with us again. I never thought that when you went off you weren't being faithful or that you forgot about me. You didn't have to tell me how much you missed me because I felt it. Just as I miss my father" I admit.

"I was going to leave the store three times today because I wanted to be with you guys and Carmen and Jordan. I saw some yellow tulips and I thought of you. How they brightened up the room and stood out in the store. I saw baby carrots and I almost started crying" he admits making me giggle.

"I haven't the least bit of worries about you out there because I know you, Anthony. I know your love better than anything and we will always be back here waiting for you with open arms" I promise.

"Can you believe this is our life now? A year ago I didn't know if I could ever love you in the way you deserved. I wasn't sure if I could ever find happiness knowing I was here and you were there. Now look at us. We're a family" he says.

"That we are" I smile.