Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.32. Disappear

Celeste

While James is not my favorite person in the world, his mother is one of my favorite. She helped me a lot growing up in Seattle, she fed me and took me on vacations with her family while I was still in high school. While my mom was busting her ass James' mom was helping take care of me. They were still good friends and I hope we could still be good friends too even if this all blows up in our faces.

Lauren was almost the exact opposite of James. She was sweet and kind, and she married James' dad who was the opposite of her. Kind of like James and I. Part of the reason why I really did think we would last was because Lauren and Ethan have been married for decades and are still going strong. They have four wonderful kids and are still doing what they live back in Seattle. While they're not a lot alike they work so well together, that's what I wanted.

What I didn't realize is that Ethan never had the power that James does therefore he never exercised it. So maybe he would have turned on her too, but we will never known luckily for Lauren.

And I know she knows her son isn't perfect, she doesn't worship him like everyone else in his life. She raised him to be better than this. I know because she helped raise me too. Her frustrations are there and he's cut her off for trying to intervene before. He never came home and didn't talk to his parents much over the past few years. They aren't charmed by his money and his fame. To them that's their son and she expects her son to be a good person.

And that's why I truly believe that she has to see that something isn't right. She wasn't around me all the time and that makes my heart happy she didn't have to see what has happened first hand, but I wish I had the strength to tell her.

James' parents fly into Atlanta for a game against the Falcons. I fly out too because I grew up here and my dad was buried here so whenever James comes here I go too. Whenever the Bears are in Seattle or Atlanta I travel out to the games every time. I don't go to many away games unless it's the playoffs but any excuse to be home I take it.

I get a hotel room to myself since I can't stay with James and the team and the connecting door from my hotel room lead into Ethan and Lauren's room. Ethan naturally goes to find his son and give him a game day speech and Lauren comes into my room. I sat in my bath robe ready to drown my sorrows away in the jacuzzi before having to leave.

"There's my beautiful girl" she smiles as she sits next to me on the bed. She pulls me into a little head hug and I smile back.

Lauren had four boys and James is the oldest. So I was the first daughter she really had. And for someone like me who was just 16 and trying to be a good girlfriend Lauren was everything I needed. But as time went on we grew apart, and it wasn't our fault. James just has everything on such strict lock down he forgets that family should have a special meaning and shouldn't be treated like one of his assistants.

"Good morning Lauren" I reply as I rest my head on her shoulder.

"You look tired dear, did you sleep well" she wonders as I sigh. How can this caring woman be related to such a monster?

"I'm pretty tired" I admit. But not from lack of sleep, rather a lack of wanting to go on like this.

"Tell me about it" she tries.

"I- I can't" I mumble.

"Of course you can Callie, you can tell me anything. I won't judge you" she begs.

I don't respond as I just sit in her arms. I wanted to disappear from this moment, from most moments really. If I could run away and never look back I would, but so much is keeping me here and I don't want to tell her that the loving son she raised is gone. I don't want her to think that my feelings about James has anything to do with her. If anything she's the reason we lasted this long in the first place. And I'm the only daughter she has right now. How am I supposed to look her in the eyes and tell her I want out of that?

"It's James, isn't it" she accuses.

I look up into her big green eyes and I can tell she already knew. For once someone saw what was happening, but this time it was someone who was in a position that actually has a effect on this relationship.

The tears grow in my eyes as my bottom lip starts to quiver. The simple thought of this man was enough to make me weak. I didn't know what to tell her or how to tell her. But she has a right to know.

"I can't do this anymore" I whisper softly. She wipes a tear from my eye catching it right before it falls.

"Do what honey" she questions.

"I can't keep acting like I am happy with him. Lauren, you are one of my favorite people in the world. But that kindness, that passion, that love you taught your son is gone. Blinded by fame, by money, by his ego. That man I fell in love with, the one I made those vows to when I got married, he's gone. He got destroyed by the man I sleep next to every night.

And I'm scared. He is irrational and mean but he refuses to admit there is a problem. Every time I try to bring it up he says it's my fault. It's because I am not as appealing as I was before, that's why he cheats. I'm skinny but I could be skinnier, so I shouldn't eat my meal. I've given him so many chances to show me something, anything that proves that I belong in this relationship with him. Every time he lets me down. So he dresses me up and takes away my food expecting me to just comply but I can't anymore. Nothing I do makes him happy and nothing I'm doing makes me happy either.

I don't know what to do" I sob.

She pulls me in tight as I just let it out. I knew she would understand. I was at my breaking point, I had protected this mans lies for far too long. She knew he was untouchable so even with me blabbing nothing will change with him. If it's change I want it's going to have to come from me but I don't have the strength.

"No matter what happens Callie you have to know that I love you. You will always be my daughter" she tells me. And I have to admit that meant the world to me. Lauren has been with me through it all and I didn't want to lose that.

"What do I do" I sniffle.

"Whatever is best for you. If this relationship is causing you this much pain, then there is no reason for you to stay. I love my son and I know part of you still does too. But no marriage is worth losing yourself over. I didn't know it was this bad but I know he has changed. When your mom returned to Seattle and we went to lunch she told me that you were hurting but didn't say why. I know my son and I know that this is not who he was supposed to be. He barley calls anymore, his own mother and he can't give me the time of day. He doesn't want to tell me what's going on because he knows I would not be happy.

But if you want to leave you have my full support. I won't say a word until you do" she promises.

"You are the best Lauren, I hope you know that" I sniffle.

"I try" she smiles.