Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.28. Listen To Your Heart

Celeste

It's been a rough few days, I haven't really been through a breakup since before I've been with James and I've been with him since I was 16. But trying not to talk to or to think about Anthony has been nearly impossible. I have locked myself in my room and I don't feel like leaving. I haven't eaten or showered or done much of anything. Of course James hasn't noticed, if it doesn't effect him he doesn't give a shit.

"Are you coming to my game this weekend" he wonders.

"Do I have a choice" I ask him.

"Oh, right" he laughs as I roll my eyes. Glad my freedom is such a joke to him. "I'll see you after practice" he says as he leans over and gives me a kiss. He leaves and I let out a sigh of relief.

After about ten minutes of peace I hear my phone going off. I see it's Anthony and let out a groan. He really isn't leaving me alone which wasn't part of the plan. I've been ignoring him but he is one determined son of a bitch.

I let it ring and it ends before I see there was a voicemail. Now that was new. He knew better to text because James would see it. The calls were five times a day the past few days but he hasn't left a voicemail before.

After much contemplation I listen too it trying to prepare myself for what he had to say.

"Hey Callie. It's me, again. I know you said that we can't see each other anymore. I want to respect your wishes. If this is truly what you want then I guess your wish is my command.

But I can't help feel like this isn't right. I know you feel it too. I've spent the last almost six months falling in love with you, it's going to take more than a few days to get over you. But I don't think there is a light at the end of this tunnel we're in. This path we're on is not the right one.

If you can call me back and say that you've been okay the past few days and that you truly believe your life is better off without me, then I will leave you alone. I'll stop calling and give it a rest. But until you can tell me that I'm not giving up on you.

I love you."

As soon as the click sounds I break down. The tears I've been holding in for far too long come pouring out of me. My heart aches, it is in so much pain because it misses him. Even though this was a hundred percent what needs to happen. It sucks, it sucks so much.

I let out a long scream as bury my face in the pillow. Just trying to release theses feelings I've been trying to hide for so long. I'm not sure how much longer I could have kept that in without exploding.

A few seconds later and I hear my phone ring again. My heart beats fast as I pick up my phone but I just see it was my mom. So I pull myself together and answer it before it stops ringing.

"Hey momma" I start trying my best to sound like I wasn't in a full blown panic attack right before I answered the phone.

"Hey pumpkin. How have you been" she wonders.

I bite my lip trying to think of how I possibly could answer this. "I'm fine. How have you been" I question.

"I'm good. All settled back in here in Seattle and I'm teaching again so that's good. I missed the kiddos so much" she claims and I smile.

Mom has been a grade school teacher since she graduated college, hence why we didn't have a lot when I was growing up. She honestly could have taught anything she wanted, she was far wiser than any fourth grade teacher out there. But she loved kids, she liked being in these kids lives at a age where constructing values and interests is so important. Her reach goes father as a teacher at this age and she loved what she did. It broke her heart when she had to leave to get treatments. But she did leave to get better and get back to doing what she feels like she is meant to do.

"Well that is great to hear. Those kiddos are lucky to have you" I smile.

"No I'm lucky to have you. So let me ask again, how are you really" she wonders.

"Honestly..." I trail off. " I think I made a huge mistake but I'm not sure."

"Mistakes can be un-done baby" she tells me.

"I told Anthony I loved him" I say and she gasps.

"Alright. Some things are harder to undo" she admits.

"I don't think that was the mistake. Maybe it was me telling him that he can't love me anymore. Or maybe the mistake was falling in love in the first place" I whisper.

"Love doesn't happen by accident. No feeling like that is a mistake. Maybe you never meant for it to be but it doesn't make a accident. All forms of love come with its own price, sometimes it's sacrificing things you thought once defined you, sometimes it's letting go of something you never want to let go. But every form of love is valid. As is every mistake that comes with it. But no mistake can't be undone" she assures me.

"God what I would do to be with you right now" I sigh.

"You're where you're meant to be. Maybe not who you're meant to be with. But you will figure this out. The breaking point often gives us choices to lose what we need to lose and start anew with what is left from broke off. You have to decide which path to take" she insists.

"How do I know" I sniffle.

"Listen to your heart" she replies.

We sit there for a little while longer just talking before she had some tests to grade. I hang up and I listen to that voicemail again.

And I don't call him back because he was right. My life has been hell since I last saw him and I am not better off without him. I couldn't even lie to myself about that let alone lie to him. But that doesn't tell me where to go from here, how I stop the pain and how to fix this mistake I've made. All I know is that I love this man and I don't want to stop.