The hate between us steverogersxreader

Chapter 4

I laid on my floor in my room, and I was looking up at the ceiling. I wouldn't say I was happy about the choice I made, but it was for the best, so no one would get hurt. He really owes me now. I have just given up the only thing that makes me feel whole. I know it sounds stupid that fighting bad guys makes me feel whole, but I have never been like others. I have always wanted to save and help others, and I would sacrifice myself for those I love. 

I could feel a tier falling on my cheek, and then I just laid the rest fall with the first one. The next I know, I'm lying on the floor crying my eyes out, but I quickly remove them when I hear a knock on the door.

It was Nat and only her. 

That's unusual. Why did she knock? She never does that. Oh no, she hates me. 

"Y/N...?"

Oh no, now it just goes downhill. 

"We have all heard what you did for Steve, and we all thought it was best if only I talked with you." I began crying again.

Yep, they all hate me.

"Y/N, I know that look, it is your 'they all hate me' look. Trust me, we love you". She knew me too well, and she was also my first friend from S.H.I.E.L.D. I have never told anyone about my story. The only thing the others knew was that S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited me and nothing else. 

"I'm sorry," she hugged me. "It is not you who should say sorry. It is Steve. You are perfect just the way you are". I hugged her back. She could always make me feel better, and she is really the best. It was also Nat who said to Fury that I should be a part of the Avengers. I really don't know why because I'm nothing compared with the others.

"How about this, I go down and make you some food and get Wanda, and then all three of us have a movie night again?" "I would love that" she smiled at me and walked out of my room. When she was gone, I chose to stand up and walked over to my bed and sit there instead. It was a long time ago that I had felt this bad. The last time was when Nat found me and took me to S.H.I.E.L.D., and it also happened sometime after I got to be a part of S.H.I.E.L.D.

I just sat on my bed with a blank look in my eyes while I was looking at the wall.

Steve's pov

I had just got out of the shower after I had trained earlier. For some reason, I can't get the fact that Y/N got me back on the missions, but it was also her who got me kicked of them in the first place. I took a white T-shirt and some black pants on. When I had taken my clothes on, I walked out of my room to go down to the kitchen. I was hungry and wanted to make myself something to eat. 

I walked past Y/N's door because it was on the way to the kitchen. When I got to her door, I saw the door was open.

That is weird. She never leaves her door open. 

I looked inside to see why it was open, but what I saw shocked me and actually scared me a little. I saw Y/N sitting in her bed with a blank look in her eyes as if her spirit had left her body and nothing else was left behind. I began hearing her mumble a few words that made me close the door quietly and leave her alone. 

I couldn't stop thinking about what she had said and what she meant. 'Please stop...help...me... I wanna go home,' just the thought of some of the sentences she said made my body shiver. When I came down to the kitchen, I saw Nat making food. Maybe she knew what was going with Y/N.

Why do I want to know what is wrong with her?

"Hey, Nat?" She looked at me like I have done something wrong. "What is it, Steve?" She sounded mad at me, but I think she should know what is happening to Y/N right now. "Why does Y/N sit on her bed with a blank look in her eyes and mumbling 'Please stop...I wanna go home,' and some other words?" I could see on Nat's facial expression that she was anxious when I said the first sentences and that she knew something I didn't know. "Steve, can you please finish this? I need to go see Y/N..." I was confused. I didn't understand what was happening, but I said yes, and she ran to Y/N's room. 

I would lie if I said I wasn't a little worried about her. She looked almost dead when I saw her in her room. But as I promised Nat, I finished the food she was making when I came into the kitchen. 

After a little while, I was finished cooking the food and had put it on a plate. I chose to take the food to Y/N's room because I knew Nat was in there. 

I knock on the door, but I didn't hear anyone, so I opened the door. And to my surprise, I saw Y/N cry for the first time.

What the hell happened in here?

"Steve, get the fuck out of here!" shouted Nat. She was furious. I put the food on the table and left as fast as I could. I closed the door after me and walked back to the kitchen because I never made myself something to eat. 

Nat's pov

She had broken down again, and it didn't help that Steve came in and saw her like this. It was a long time ago since I have seen her like this. I was scared because last time was a month before she got to be a part of the Avengers.

It was only me who could get her to calm down. If others try to stop her panic attacks, they will worsen, and she would shut down. Yeah, her brain would shut down for a long time, sometimes it lasted for weeks, and no one could get in contact with her, even I couldn't make her move or eat. In this stage, she was very fragile. So Fury said that it is only me who should calm her down and no one else. I think it is because I was the person who found her, and because of that, she trusts me with her panic attacks. 

We actually don't know if it is panic attacks she gets or if it is PTSD. At one point, we actually thought it was both, and we still do. It really scares me every time she gets like this because she is an amazing person, and we all love her.

I look at her face. She had stopped crying and fallen asleep with her head on my thighs. I quietly tucked her in her bed and walked out of the room. 

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A/N - The authors note

1204 words, god damn, that is a lot. I hope you guys like it.