The hate between us steverogersxreader

Chapter 47

Y/n's pov - She's alive bitches!!

Everything felt cold and empty. Was this how death felt like? If it was, then I wished I never died. Why didn't I let them help me instead of allowing Fury to kill me? I'm not that smart. Everything hurt, which was weird since you aren't supposed to feel pain if you are dead. Or are you? 

Am I still alive? No, I can't be. I was shot.

I tried to do anything to prove that I was dead or alive, but I couldn't see, talk or move. I was stuck. 

I regretted the way I left them all. I couldn't get their worried facial expressions out of my memory which hurt a lot. I didn't think that they would worry that much about me since I had betrayed them. I never wanted to cross them, but at that time, it felt like the right thing to do since I was hurting so much. 

"I'm sorry for not saving you from this life," I heard someone say. Was that Tony? Was this real, or was I just imagining things? Then, of course, I must be dead because I should be dead. But if I wasn't dead, then how could they still be alive? "If I had known you were my baby sister," I heard him say, and I couldn't stop feeling sad.

I felt so guilty for leaving him without knowing me as his sister. "My beautiful baby sister." I heard the sadness in his voice. He always showed everyone how happy he was all the time when few of us knew he was feeling depressed. We never told him that we knew since we wanted him to tell us when he was ready. 

Tony's voice disappeared, and I began feeling lonely and empty inside. But, I liked it when he talked to me. He sounded arrogant most of the time, but he sounded caring this time. Yes, he sounded like he was broken, but he cared for me even though I had hurt him by leaving and killing myself, so I was feeling a little happy but sadder. 

Was death really supposed to make me feel this empty and like seconds felt like hours and minutes felt like days and hours felt like years? I definitely didn't like this feeling, and I just wanted it to go away and let me feel happy for saving everyone. "I promise you this when you wake up." But, wait, I am fucking alive. That makes so much more sense than death being dark and empty. 

I guess if I had died, then I would have ended in hell for all the stuff I had done. But hey, I would have had some fun talks with the devil. Of course, he would probably have been annoyed at me at some point, but that would make it all so much better. 

"We-Uhm. We removed the bombs. You saved us and the city, so please come back." I could hear that he was crying, which made me unable to hug him so much worse. I wanted to come back, but I didn't know-how. I wanted to slap him in the face with a chair and tell him how stupid he was for crying. I couldn't believe my own ears when he said that they removed the bombs and that I saved the city since I thought that wouldn't be possible. 

But I guess that if Tony Stark is your brother, then everything can be possible. 

Every word I heard Tony say struck me hard since I couldn't do anything about it. It felt like I was being punished for doing the right thing. It was the right thing, right? "It wouldn't be the same here without you." I know Tony. I was the best. I knew I shouldn't make jokes in a time like this, but I couldn't help myself, literally. 

If I had known that the bombs would have been easy to find, then I would have found them myself instead of dying. It would have been so much easier. "Hey Y/n, I know it's late, but I can't sleep." Then, I heard Nat's voice. Did I hurt her too? I never wanted any of them to be feeling like this, but I did. Fuck my life. 

I still felt a little betrayed that she held back some information about my past. I thought she was my best friend. But I didn't want to feel like that since she had been there for me so many times. "I really didn't know that he was your brother. You need to believe me," Nat begged. And that's when I believed her because Natasha Romanoff doesn't beg anyone for anything. She takes what she wants without thinking twice about it.