The hate between us steverogersxreader

Chapter 28

TW: Self-hate, Suicide attempt, and mention of rape.

"I'm sorry for almost killing you," I told him while we were still hugging each other. He began holding me even tighter. And to be honest, if he had held me a little tighter than that, then my bag would have broken. "It wasn't you," and with those words, I broke down. The tears kept falling. "Baby? How about we go to your room and go under the duvet, and then I will find something for us to eat?" 

I couldn't answer him cause of how much I was crying. I nodded. He lifted me down from the medical bed, and we began walking towards my bedroom. 

He went out of my room to get us some food. So I went to the toilet cause apparently I wanted to get some water in my face. After putting the water in my face, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw myself, but it didn't feel right. I didn't care what Shuri said, something was off, and I could feel it. 

You don't deserve their forgiveness. 

You have killed innocent people.

Children and parents.

I looked at my hands and saw they began shaking. Soon after that, everything began spinning, and my breathing began spending up. I walked out of the bathroom as well as I could. The whole room was spinning, which did that I fell onto the floor. I began hyperventilating, and everything was shaking. "I-I'm a monster," mumbled out of my heavy breathing. 

You are a monster.

You should be locked away on the raft. 

You shouldn't be here.

I try to stand up, and I had success. I walk slowly back to the toilet without falling. I stood in front of the sink and held it tight so that I wouldn't fell. "I shouldn't be here," I say to myself. I looked at the sink and saw a razor blade. I took it in my hand and looked at it. 

They will not miss you.

I moved it to my throat. 

Just one movement, and they wouldn't be afraid of you.

"They are going to get their peace." I was about to slice my throat when someone grabbed it from my hand. It was Steve, and from what it looked like, then he wasn't happy. "Please give it back!" I yell with a broken voice. "No, you are not gonna do it," he said with what sounded like a scared voice. 

Everything was still spinning, so when I tried to get it from his hand, and he moved, I ended up falling to the floor. "Please, I need it," I mumbled. I had tears in my eyes and heavy breathing. I just wanted to make them happy. Then, I felt him taking me into a hug. My head was resting on his chest so I could hear his heartbeat. 

"Shh, baby, we got peace when you came back to us." I could feel my breathing getting back to normal. I hugged him back. He stood up with me in his arms and began walking out of the bathroom. He put me in my bed. He took my pants off before he put the duvet over me. It was sweet of him to do that for me. I saw him crawl over the bed and lying down on the other side of me. 

He pulled me closer, so my head could once again rest on his chest. The sound of his heart beating was relaxing and made me calm down. Then, he began stroking his hand up and down on my back. It was like he wanted me to sleep, which I ended up doing. 

Steve pov

I kept stroking her back even though I could hear that she was sleeping. I wanted to talk to her about what just happened, but she needed to rest for now. "Princess, I will protect you with my life," I whispered. I was relieved that I got to her when I did and not a second later. I was going to keep my word. Nothing or no one was ever going to lay a hand on her. 

It would have broken me if I had lost her again. And if she killed herself, then I wouldn't get her back in my lifetime. So I kept her close to me cause I was afraid that she would leave me. So I was gonna make everything good. I was gonna make up for all the bad things I had called her. Even if it would take me my whole life, then I would do it. 

I never really told her the reason for saying all that crap to her. So, When she gets better, I will tell her, so she knows the reason. And if she is going to think I am an idiot, then it is fine as long as she knows that I never hated her. She deserves it. God, she deserves the whole world. And I am gonna give her that. 

After a while, I began feeling her moving and heard some noises come from her. "Please... It hurts... Stop." I tried calming her down by pulling her closer, but it didn't help. "He's gonna come... Please, don't touch me." "Shh, Y/n, you are okay. You are safe. I got you," I told her while trying to wake her up slowly so she wouldn't get a shock. 

I was shocked by what she was saying. Then, I began seeing tears falling down her cheeks, and she began moving more in her sleep. "N/n, it is only a dream. Please wake up," I told her while trying to hold her still so that she wouldn't get hurt. It hurt me seeing her like this. I tried to wake her up again, and lucky she did but not as I wanted. She sat up in a heartbeat and was confused and scared.

She looked around like someone would come and hurt her. I sat up and took my arms around her. She flinched a little but then looked at me in fear of what would happen next. "You are safe. Come lay down with me again," I said while getting us to lay down. She was still shaking a little, but she did lay down with me. 

I laid her head on my chest so she could listen to my heartbeat and calm down. "Wanna talk about it?" I asked, hoping that she would say yes. "They...Some of..." "It's okay, darling, take your time," I interrupted her, so she knew that she could take her time. 

She took a deep breath and tried again. "They use me...," she mumbled so quietly that I almost didn't hear her. "They raped you?" I asked with a broken voice. She didn't answer, but she did nod. My heart broke. She hadn't deserved that. I hold her tighter so she could stay safe in my arms. 

"Princess, I will never let anyone touch you again. They have to fight me to get to you," I assured her, which made her cry. I stroke her bag to make her fall asleep after knowing that nothing will ever hurt her. After some time, I began feeling tired and fell asleep.

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A/N - The authors note

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