Don't Call Me Angel, Jerk [ Levi Ackerman ]

Chapter 53 - Handkerchief

Levi's POV

"She got caught in the explosion"

There laid a corpse right in front of me, its skin was burned to pitch black, and the face was barely even recognizable in this state. Arms and legs were bent, like a marionette that was carelessly dropped. Everyone claimed it to be you, but they weren't sure. This isn't you angel, this couldn't be you

But even if I forcefully tried to drill that thought into my head, I still feared the sight of this corpse below me. Every second I spent blankly staring at its mutilated face enfeebled me until I could no longer stand. I was numb, completely deprived of the ability to speak even the shortest syllable

"Levi, we should be gathering the corpses already" Hanji attempted to speak clearly, but she was on the verge of tears - and it was audible

"N-no..." My hands vigorously shake as I dig into the jacket, angrily delving into its pockets

If it's not here, if it's not where she usually puts in, then I'm a hundred times sure this isn't her. Just... don't.. pull anything out Levi..

As I felt my fingers gripping onto something, my eyes shot open. I slowly pulled it out and it was here. Tightly held in my hand was the stained handkerchief she always carried around. The second I read her embroidered name on its sides, it was the moment their claims finally sunk into my head

This isn't you My countless prayers that repeated those three words finally stopped. Because it slowly got through me. Like a bullet that dashed through air before piercing your heart - completely shattering it. This corpse right here was, you

"I-It's her..."

Hanji couldn't hold it any longer, bursting into a messy pool of tears. Everyone around me was all the same - crying and mourning the losses of their deceased loved ones

But why won't a tear fall out? I just sat there watching you, stunned. Confused, terrified, angered, how did I react to your lifeless body? How could I know, when I couldn't even process it in the first place - the fact that I was left alone, again

All you left behind was pain, and regret - and it was excruciating. You gave me all the joy I could ask for, but yet the agony I could never get from someone else. Even if this harsh reality always results to lies and broken promises, I still wanted to believe I could find happiness in you. You gave me so much of those memories, though it feels like nothing anymore. It's because those mere thoughts and moments weren't the source of my happiness

It was you, your sole existence was

No matter how much I wanted to turn back time, it couldn't avert everything from the current reality. It was over and I had to accept that - This morning was the last time you held me, and I got to hold you. The last time I got to hear your angelic voice again, and I could speak to you. The very last time you said you love me - but I,

I never got to say it back

"I love you" I clenched the cloth in my hand harshly "I love you, I love you, I love you I-I.... I-I'm so sorry"

My fingernails dug onto my skin deeply, and I couldn't scream even if it stung so painfully. Driving blood out of me - it was nothing compared to the fact that I lost you

"L-Levi your hand is bleeding"

But no matter how awfully I hurt myself, no matter how angry I felt, you would never hear me again

---

The Survey Corps got welcomed back by a huge wave of applause and cheering. Unlike before, their approval rates hugely increased, and it only rose higher after the success of recapturing Wall Maria. But not even a thousand compliments could light up their faces, not one. And it was obvious, because less than half of their troops were able to make it back

"Raise it higher you idiot, Dr. Vien couldn't see it" Francis complained

Eric rolled his eyes at him, and raised the welcome back banner higher than the people's heads

"Do you even think she'll like this?"

"Of course, let's just wait till they come closer" Aaron reassured him

The three of them had the brightest smiles on their faces. It had been months since they've been together, that they planned to surprise her when she came back

As the Survey Corps' tired figures approach closer to their line of view, they began to realize that others who joined the expedition weren't in the lines, including Vien

"Hm, where's Vien?" Francis and Eric began glancing around for her

But Aaron had his attention on the blood stained Captain all the time, and he saw the lifelessness in his eyes. The expression on his face was pale as snow, and it looked like the devil sucked out his very soul

"Do you see her anywhere Aaron?"

"No," Aaron's enraging eyes didn't leave Levi "But I think I know who'd be able to answer that"

---

Their Captain parted ways with everyone as soon as they got back to headquarters. He felt utterly lethargic, that all he wanted was to be alone. Everything came back to him in the most unfortunate way he could ever expect, and that was to return without her by his side

Levi quietly made his way to her room, but stopped midway as he caught a figure leaning on her door

"Move" He coldly muttered to him

His bluntness didn't seem to warn him off - he stood properly to face him, returning the coldness of tone

"Where's Vien?" Aaron questioned

"Get out of my way" "Answer me"

Levi ignored him, making his way towards the door. But his attitude angered Aaron, to the point where he'd brought Levi up by the collar

"Where is Vien?" He harshly glared

Levi paused, before responding in a blunt tone "She didn't make it"

A gasp quivered its way out of Aaron's mouth, as he let go of his collar. The realization of it plastered a look of malevolence on his face - then a tear fell of his cheek. It was too much to take in, but jealousy and anger took over his emotions in a blink of an eye

"And it looks like you don't show any remorse for not being there for her" Aaron eyed him repulsively

The fact that Levi didn't reply only made him angrier. He didn't show any emotion for her death even in the slightest way "I really hate you"

"Dr. Vien was a perfectionist in every thing she did, that she rarely makes mistakes. But I could clearly tell that she made one, and that was to entrust her life in you. That idiot says shit all day talking about how she could survive through the most difficult situations because she knows you have her back - But you don't. And you proved it now"

"Are you done talking? If you are then fuck off" Replied Levi coldly

He swung the door open despite hitting Aaron midway. Ignoring whatever he said after that, he slammed the door behind him and finally felt the quiet, lonely ambience of the girl doctor's room

Levi took a whiff off the room's air, and it was always the same smell whenever he went inside here. It still smelled like the air freshener Vien invented a year ago. The scent made him feel at home, but it only reminded him of the times they both spent right in this very room

Levi then began to walk around, admiring the neatness of her things. The shelves were spotless, and still filled with all of her documents. All her favourite novels were piled on her desk, and her clothes still occupied the cabinets. Everything was about her

While scanning the shelves, his eyes fell on a small notebook. It was something he never saw before, and it was well hidden on the sides too - So he pulled it out

Levi sat on the bed, and he soothed his fingers over its leather cover. It was quite small, yet nice of quality

He read the title "V. Smith's diary"