Creepypasta Headcannon Oneshots: Book One

The One With The Far East Wing (feat. ~mysterious plot~)

"The back goop that falls from EJ's eyes smells different to everyone. Some say it smells like parchment, some say it smells like tar, one even said it smelled like bacon. EJ was greatly troubled about this for months after."

You frowned. "Someone's cooking."

Nothing could've caused greater fear, and everyone collectively froze as one.

"Why, oh why did you have to go and say something like that?" Toby begged. "I'm not going to sleep tonight, (Y/N)."

"Someone's cooking," you insisted, causing another ripple of unease to go through the group. "We need to call off the mission, someone else is awake-"

"Nobody's awake," Jeff interrupted. He nodded his head at EJ, "Ol' Eyeless there is crying more heavily than he usually does, and the tar just happens to smell like bacon today."

"I'm not crying, Jeff," EJ snapped. In the dark, you could faintly see a light blush on his cheeks. "Fuck off."

Jeff cackled- not too loudly, mind, because the Far East Wing had ears, but loudly enough and EJ scowled before reaching forward to cuff him on the back of the head.

"Do you want me to leave you behind?" He snapped. "Do remember I'm the only thing standing between you and whatever monstrosities call this place home."

He was right, of course, though it kind of freaked you out to admit it. The Far East Wing sort of- absorbed light. There were windows, yes, but whatever moonlight came through was limited strictly to the area where it fell- everywhere else was pitch black. As such, EJ, who didn't see much of anything to begin with but could find his way around just fine, was your only chance of getting out of this hellhole alive.

Toby froze when there came faint laughter from ahead and stepped closer to the lot of you, "Wh-Why did I volunteer for the suicide mission?" He asked, and you got the feeling the stutter in his words was from pure fear, nothing else.

Jeff rolled his eyes, but he seemed a little unnerved now, too, "Because you're the one who lost it."

Toby glowered at him, "If I'm the one who lost it, then why are you here?"

Jeff faltered. "Well. I couldn't exactly leave the lot of you in the incompetent hands of each other, now could I?"

EJ smiled faintly. Of the lot of you, he was the only one who didn't immediately run screaming for the hills when the Far East Wing was mentioned, which was... kind of disturbing, if you thought about it, but no matter. "Aww, Jeffy, you do care," he crooned, and you didn't have to see in the dark to know Jeff's face had gone a brilliant shade of red.

"N-No I don't! Fuck off!"

EJ chuckled lowly to himself, then froze, throwing out a hand to keep the lot of you from moving forward. "There's something ahead."

Ah, hello, heart-stopping terror, you thought hazily. How I've missed thee.

There came the faint sound of Toby cracking his neck, followed by vocalized exhalations of air, and Jeff whirled around, "Stop that!" He hissed, voice bordering on terrified. "It's going to hear us!"

"I c-can't!" Toby snapped. "I have Tourettes, you asshole!"

"Can you have Tourettes quietly?"

Toby made a furious noise in the back of his throat, "I swear to fucking God, Jeff, I'm going to fucking throttle you-"

"Guys, can it!" You snapped in a hushed whisper. "Jeff, don't be a dick. Apologize."