Creepypasta Headcannon Oneshots: Book One

The One With The Dead Houseplants (feat. the gauze stuck to ben's hand)

"Part of the reason BEN doesn't like water is because if it touches him, he'll smoke and fitz and glitch out like a computer. He can drink it just fine though, which mystifies him."

"MotherFUCK-!"

BEN cursed like a sailor and dropped the glass he'd been holding. It landed with a clatter on the ground, water spilling everywhere.

Across the kitchen, you sat up straight like someone had shocked you with a livewire.

"BEN?" You called. In return, the glitch cursed quietly and stuck his fingers in his mouth, sucking on the burnt appendages in an attempt to relieve the pain.

"Its cool!" He replied around the fingers in his mouth. "It's totally cool!" You rolled your eyes.

"You know, the more you say 'its cool,' the less I believe you," you deadpanned. BEN rolled his eyes. Damn you and your perceptive nature!

"Naw, it's... Cool," BEN faltered. "Why the hell is that my default, again?" You shrugged.

"I dunno, ask Author-chan." BEN blinked.

"Who's Author-chan?" He asked. You frowned, a puzzled look on your face.

"I... Don't actually know," you said, sounding genuinely confused. "I don't know why I said that." BEN shrugged.

"Eh, I wouldn't worry too much about it," he said. "We're all crazy here-"

"Some people are just better at hiding it," you finished. BEN nodded.

"Exactly!" He said, then took his fingers out of his mouth to examine the burn. He winced at the damage.

"And they ask me why I don't like water," he muttered as he turned around to rummage through the cupboards in order to find the med kit Jack insisted they keep stashed there. (It... Wasn't actually that bad an idea, now that he considered it. Hey, they lived in a household of murderers. Its a wonder they hadn't had to defibrillator anyone yet.)

"Holy shit." BEN will deny it vehemently in the future (because he is a man and men do not get jumpscared by humans) but when he heard your voice right by his ear he just about jumped out of his skin.

"Jesus Christ (Y/N)!" He gasped, one hand over his heart. "Don't do that!"

(The fact that his heart was long dead and didn't pump blood was trivial. It was the thought that counts, and right now, pretending (Y/N) nearly gave him a heart attack mattered, ok?)

The human wasn't phased, they only continued to look at him with worry clear in (e/c) orbs.

"What the hell did you do?" You asked, poorly concealed horror in your tone. BEN shrugged and turned back to the partially dissected med kit, left hand held aloft.

"Water," he explained simply, not worried about letting you know about his one weakness. "It burns me like acid." Your eyes were round as quarters.

"Why?" BEN shrugged, hissing as he poured a sterilization agent on his hand.

"I dunno," he said, biting his lip as the wound announced its displeasure at being soaked in antiseptic. "Eyeless thinks it's because I'm part computer- hey, would you mind holding this for me?"

Starting, you did as BEN asked you and held a strip of gauze down as BEN wrapped the roll around his hand.

"A-Are you sure you shouldn't go see EJ?" You asked, looking slightly queasy at the sight of the vicious burn. BEN chuckled despite himself; humans. "This looks pretty bad." The computer virus rolled his eyes.

"God, don't even suggest thag," he groaned. "He'll be all 'why were you holding water, you know it's bad for you, I'd like you to stay here for three fucking days while I run numerous scans to see exactly what kind of tissue you've inevitably scarred for life.'"

Your lips quirked- apparently you found his rant amusing.

"Why were you holding water anyways?" You asked. "I thought you were hydrophobic?" BEN rolled his eyes.

"I am," he deadpanned. "But my houseplants can't live off Mountain Dew and Doritos like I can, so I compromise." You blinked.

"Houseplants?" You repeated. BEN rolled his eyes. "You have houseplants?"

"What, you think all these were owned by the Slenderman?" He asked, gesturing to a rather leafy tree he'd dubbed 'Yumi.' (AN- the name 'Yumi' was submitted by Emo_Sadness, so, thank you for that) You flushed a bit.

"Kind of, yeah." BEN snorted, tying off the end of the gauze with an overly complicated knot.

"Please, if the Slenderman owned these plants, they'd all be dead," he assured you. He frowned as a memory struck him.

"I remember once I was going out on some long-distance reconnaissance shit," he said, a faraway look in his eyes. "I left Slender in change of my houseplants... When I got back, most of them were dead," he turned to his tree forlornly. "Yumi was the only survivor."

You blinked, unsure of how to comfort BEN while he relived the horror of finding most of his precious houseplants dead.

The steam wafting up from his heavily bandaged hand seemed like a good distraction though.

"Um, BEN?" You asked. The blond didn't seem to hear you, he was lost in his own little trip down memory lane.

"So much death..."

"BEN."

"I had to relocate them all myself..."

"BEN."

"He didn't even let me have a funeral!"

"BEN!" Finally, that got the glitch's attention.

Straightening like someone had shocked him, the glitch gave you an inquisitive stare. In return, you pointed at his smoking hand.

BEN's eyes went wide. When he spoke, his voice was an octave higher than usual; "(Y/N)? Could you be a dear and get EJ for me?" You frowned.

"Why? I thought you said he'd confine you to your room for three days." BEN nodded, and it may have been your imagination, but you could've sworn he was a few shades paler than usual.

"Yeah, he will," the sprite assured you. "But my skin is fusing with the gauze, so..."

There were a few seconds of silence while his words sunk in.

Then-

"EJ! WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM! GET IN HERE, QUICK!"

(sooooo I may have turned BEN into Amazingphil by accident... Did I plan(t) this? No. Am I gonna roll with it? Hell yes.)