Creepypasta Headcannon Oneshots: Book One

The One With The Grammar Dispute (feat. ej's sadistic streak)

"There have been some serious disputes on what the plural of creepypasta is in the Underealm. Some say it's simply 'creepypasta', others say it's 'creepypastas', and some even say it's 'creepypasti'."

"-ARE YOU GOOD ITS NOT CREEPYPASTAS-"

"YES IT IS WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?"

"MORE THAN YOU APPARENTLY. I DIDNT EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL AND EVEN I KNOW ITS NOT 'PASTAS!'"

"FUCK YOU!"

You woke up to violent screaming and the sound of knives being drawn, as per usual Monday morning.

You yawned and stretched your arms above your head, not at all concerned with the gurgling noises coming from the kitchen. It was the norm- you'd be concerned if it didn't sound like someone was being brutally murdered. (If you could hear them, it meant that they were alive, you rationalized. If there was silence, it meant someone had died.)

As if you'd suddenly flipped a switch with the thought, suddenly the noise died. Just like that, poof! there was silence.

You immediately jackknifed into a sitting position and flung yourself out of your bed, and straight into the door. You weren't concerned about the nice-sized knot currently residing on your forehead (well, you could be later, if EJ had anything to say about it) you were more concerned with the overwhelming silence that had spread over the mansion. It either meant someone was dead, or unconscious (please be unconscious, please please be unconscious-! You pleaded in a mumbled under your breath) or, if you were lucky/very very very very unfortunate (it depended on who's side you were on) it might've signaled Slender's arrival.

Personally, you were hoping for the third option. Yeah sure, Slenderman might fuck around with their minds a bit for nearly killing each other (who 'they' were you had no idea- but your bets were on Jeff and LJ) but at least they wouldn't be dead.

You skidded to a stop in the kitchen, breathing a sigh of relief when you saw what was going on.

Jeff and BEN (it wasn't LJ as you'd initially suspected) were, currently, trying to kill each other.

Key word being 'try.'

Currently, the Slenderman had two tentacles wrapped around Jeff and BEN, keeping them up in the air, and, more importantly, away from each other.

What is it this time? He asked tiredly. Jeff frowned- as much as he could with a cut-in smile- and looked away, glaring determinedly at the floor. Slenderman knit his eyebrows and turned to BEN.

"BEN? What happened?" Much to your surprise, the videogame glitch followed Jeff's example and kept his mouth shut.

Truly perplexed, you looked between the two of them with disbelieving eyes. Both of them knew better than to ignore the Slenderman, the hell were they playing at?

(It would become crystal clear why they'd chosen to stay silent, in a moment.)

"They were arguing again," a voice from your left said, and by God you'd never screamed louder.

Eyeless Jack looked over at you, irritation written all over his maskless features. You blushed and mumbled a quiet; "Sorry, you startled me. I didn't see you there." EJ rolled his nonexistent eyes and turned to Slender.

"Yes, Jack?" the faceless entity asked. "What were they arguing about this time?" Jeff, if possible, paled drastically, and BEN looked like he was about to pass out from fear as a downright sadistic grin spread across EJ's face. You shuddered at the sight of it. Because of his more docile behavior, you sometimes forgot how dangerous and twisted he actually was.

"Oh, nothing much," his grin only grew, much to BEN and Jeff's obvious horror. "Just on what the plural of creepypasta was."

Dead. Silence.

"BEN. Jeff."

You shuddered at the Slenderman's tone. He was very, very, very angry, and nobody was safe when the Slenderman was angry.

"What is the plural of creepypasta?"

BEN started trembling, and mumbled something so softly you couldn't hear it.

"WHAT. IS. THE PLURAL. OF CREEPYPASTA?"

Terrified, BEN replied in a meek voice; "creepypasta," just as Jeff said; "creepypastas."

An intense rigning suddenly filled the air, and you doubled over, clutching at your ears. You looked over at EJ, who looked to be in just as much, if not more, pain as you were.

"Come on," he muttered quietly to you as Slenderman dragged BEN and Jeff away. "We need to be out of earshot." You stood up.

"Why?" You asked as the two of you speed-walked out of the kitchen. EJ glanced behind him and cursed.

"Because I don't want Slender to accidentally pop my eardrums," he muttered, and broke into a run.

Confused, but sure as hell not wishing to stay behind, you ran after him.

By the time you reached the third floor of the mansion, you were just about ready to kneel over. EJ, what with his demonic heritage, hadn't broken a sweat, the lucky bastard.

You looked up, intent on asking why he bolted, but a harsh shout cut you off.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN CREEPYPASTA? CREEPYPASTAS? ITS CREEPYPASTI YOU FOOLS!!"

EJ chuckled at the look of horror on your face as the screams of pain started up.

"There have been some serious disputes on what the plural of creepypasta is," he explained. "People have lost heads over this." He chuckled morbidly, and you shuddered, getting the feeling that EJ had been in one of these infamous fights himself.

"So, (Y/N)," A shadow loomed over you.

"What do you think the plural of creepypasta is?"

(Damn, EJ has a sadistic streak. Also if I've published this it means I've successfully stockpiled future oneshots.
EDIT: haven't got all oneshots stockpiled, but I was like 'the readers deserve an update' so HERE YA GO :D)