Creepypasta Headcannon Oneshots: Book One

The One With The 4am Doritos (feat. (y/n) the mom friend)

"Toby can run on pure adrenaline for a while, and can stay awake for a very long time (his record is four days) but he does crash eventually- and usually in the worst possible scenarios. (Masky once found him by an elementary school- it's a wonder the police didn't find him first)."

"Now what fuckin' idiot thought it would be a good idea to put the light switch 15 fucking feet from the door?" You muttered to yourself, hand against the wall as you navigated the dark hallways. You'd gotten better at finding your way around since the disastrous blackout a few months back, but after tripping over a lone cooler not five minutes earlier, you were hesitant to take chances.

Truth be told, Slender's mansion was fucking terrifying at night. You swore the portraits followed you with their eyes, and the windows were always open, allowing the curtains to rustle in the wind even though you could've sworn you'd shut the shutters earlier that day.

In short, it made you question whether the doritos you were after were actually worth it.

(They were, of course.)

But. All this- all this- to say that when you tripped over something in the hallway, something decidedly human-shaped, nobody could fault you for thinking it was a dead body and reacting accordingly.

"Who am I murdering?" Jeff demanded, stumbling out of his bedroom wearing nothing but a T-shirt and pair of boxers. His eyemask was half-skewed over his eyes, and overall he had a very deranged look about him. "What fuckwit decided to start screaming at four in the fucking morning-" he blinked owlishly at you, then scowled and leveled the pointy end of his knife at your heart. "Consider this a testament to our friendship that I'm considering the benefits of not killing you."

"You're pointing a knife at me."

"Would you rather I be stabbing it at you?" Jeff snapped. "No? Count your fucking blessings, (Y/N)."

Your eye twitched. Truth be told, you were tempted to try and stab him with his own knife, but even half asleep you knew that wasn't a good idea.

"You're lucky it was just me you woke up," Jeff grumbled, flipping his knife around so you weren't in danger of being stabbed with it. "Hoodie's scary when he's sleep-deprived, and Masky's the most unpleasant sonuvabitch I've ever had the misfortune to meet upon being woken up." A pause. "What the hell are you doing up, anyways?"

You huffed, "I tripped."

Jeff strongly seemed to be considering stabbing you again, "Yeah, I'd kind of gathered that, sweetheart," he grumbled. "Why the fuck are you still awake?"

Might as well tell the truth. "YouTube marathon."

"It's four in the morning."

"You say that like it's a valid argument."

Jeff stared at you for a moment before muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'fucking humans.' "What the hell did you trip over, anyways?"

You shivered, "I think someone was murdered earlier."

Jeff blinked at you, then blinked some more. Then he shrugged and said, "Eh."

You flailed wildly. "'Eh?' 'Eh?' Someone was fucking murdered, and you respond eh?"

Jeff shrugged again, "Look, kiddo, if they were murdered, they had it coming. Simple as that."

You stared at him in shock for a count of three seconds before he rolled his eyes and nudged you with the handle of his knife, "I'm kidding. Maybe take a look at what you tripped over before deciding someone got bored and decided to play Knife Monopoly?"