Creepypasta Headcannon Oneshots: Book One

The One With The Knife-Throwing (feat. jeff and (y/n)'s friendship)

"None of the Creepypasta really age. They can physically alter their age, but they won't ever have the chance to grow up, and cannot be killed easily. They also have extremely long lifespans. Nobody really knows how old a creepypasta is when they die, since that has not happened yet (ghosts live forever though, because they're, well, ghosts)."

"Jeff, how old are you?"

The question caught the raven off guard, and he mistimed his throw enough to send his knife flying past the target and into a nearby tree.

Muttering curses under his breath, he turned to face the newest addition to the household- a human by the name of (Y/N). Meek by nature (or so he assumed) they'd more or less spent their time avoiding the residents, with the sole exception of Eyeless Jack, who lent himself a relatively docile and non-threatening demeanor.

Jeff had to laugh at that. Here, in a house full of killers and demons and every other foul thing on earth, a human found the most comfort with a cannibalistic, human-eating demon. How quaint.

"J-Jeff?" They asked. "Mr. 'The Killer?'"

That startled a laugh out of him, and so he decided he'd be lenient with them; "Whaddya want, kid?" He asked, striding forward to wrestle his knife from the tree it had embedded itself in.

They hesitated; "H-How old are you?" They asked, and Jeff raised an eyebrow at them.

"Writing my autobiography, are we?" He sneered, finally tearing his knife free. "Try someone else."

The human's eyes immediately went to the knife, as human eyes were wont to do; "N-No, I just..." they trailed off. "Your origin story puts you at 13, but you don't look 13. I was just curious. Sorry."

Jeff sized them up for a moment, then sighed; "When my 'origin story,' as you so eloquently put it, was 'written,' I was 13," he said quietly. "Creepypastas don't really- age, per se, at least not the way humans do, but..."

He trailed off. "It's a lot of things," he said finally. "The way fandoms interpret us, plus our own mental states-" he cut himself off. "Look at it this way: Sally. She's 8, 9, 10 years old and has been for a long time. BEN, he started as the same age, but he grew up, because he was able to-" he made a frustrated noise.

"We age when we're ready to," he said through gritted teeth. "Not a minute before, not a minute after."

He studied the knife in his hand, thumbing the edge of it as memories raced through his head. Light, heat, screaming falling pain pain pain-

"Who's the oldest?"

The human's voice cut through his musings like a hot knife through butter, and he looked up at them in surprise; "What?"

They shifted their weight; "The oldest," they repeated, as of that made their point any clearer. "Creepypasta. Who's the oldest creepypasta?"

Jeff frowned at them, mind turning away from that terrible horrible night all those years ago to the present query; "We don't really know," he admitted. "Slender or Zalgo, probably. LJ's probably a good runner-up for second..."

He trailed off, studying the target, then sighed; "C'mere a minute," he said, and the human tensed.

"Why?" They asked, and Jeff rolled his eyes.

"Because I'm going to teach you to throw knives," he deadpanned, and (Y/N)'s eyebrows shot up to their hairline. "Come on already."

Hesitantly, gingerly, (Y/N) walked over to his side, and so Jeff taught them to throw knives.

(They missed more often than not, but that was ok. Jeff wasn't that good when he started out, either.)

(I don't like to shut the doors on fics like this because they're vague enough that my interpretations of the characters feel almost like my own characters- because, well, most creepypasta origin stories don't really lend themselves to giving their protagonists much in the ways of a personality- so I'm not shutting the door on this, but point-blank I wanted to tell you guys: make transformative works of this. If it strikes your fancy, fucking do it. Start your own headcanon oneshots, write fanfiction, create fanart, make headcanons based off of this, because half the joy of creating something comes from seeing what other people create from it. All I ask is that you credit me, so I'll know where your work came from if I ever stumble across it. (If you should like to link it to me, feel free to! Full disclosure, though, I don't really check my PMs) And hell, if you post anything, tell your readers where you came from, so they can get in on it, too.
And one last thing, because this isn't a goodbye forever, just a ta-ta for now- writing this has been one of the best experiences of my life, and I don't say that lightly. This whole thing has been an adventure from start to finish- hell, the first headcanon book has over a million views! What the hell is up with that? So just- massive fucking thank you to everyone who's been here. Thank you for allowing me to be able to do this :) )