IN ANOTHER LIFE (Pansy Parkinson x Reader)

Chapter 26 - It's always colder on your own

YOUR POV

After two hours of pacing in my dorm, I decided not to open the letter. It wasn't worth it. I knew the instant I'll read anything from Ced; I will only spiral back into the horrible place I was four months ago. Even though mentally I'm right where he left me.

It's just easy to ignore every emotion if I keep focussing on school, Meg and kissing sessions with Pansy. I'm not picking favorites, but the last one is probably the most pleasurable.

Ced knew me better than anyone, he should have known I would never willingly put myself back out there. He knew I never went cycling again. He tried to motivate me to get my love for cycling back, but couldn't and gave up after a year of trying to convince me. Too much had happened and I couldn't move past the pain. I didn't even have the guts to attend his funeral, then why would he leave me a letter?

Maybe try opening it and then you will know.

No, I can't. Ugh, I need to get out of my head.

"Did you hear about the DA?" Meg questioned.

"The what now?"

"Merlin, where are you these days? I told you to come to Hogsmeade with us," she signed in defeat." Dumbledore's Army. I know you don't care about it or anything much these days, but this is a good thing. I believe in them and can you believe in them too, for me?"

***

From what Meg explained to me, the room of requirements is a room that appears only when the students of Hogwarts need it. Imagine my cringe when I realized that a bunch of teenagers get a secret room and instead of shagging they want to study and become better wizards and witches. I am pretty sure that the students before us were not using this room to form an army to defeat the strongest dark wizard of all time.

"Y/n, It's good to see you here. I'm glad you changed your mind, " Hermione stated, bringing me back to reality.

At first, I didn't want to participate in this stupid team that thinks they could defend themselves. I mean, a bunch of school kids against the evilest wizard the wizardkind has ever known. Yeah, the odds don't appear in our court.

But it's the same kind of stupid that my brother would have jumped in without thinking. He would have seen the pros instead of the cons and would have believed in Harry's fight in a heartbeat. I'm trying so hard to live in Cedric's footsteps even though I know he wouldn't want me to. He would probably say something like ' you're different from me, that's what makes you special and unique in your own way ' and I would happily oblige and believe him.

Well, guess what, Ced? You're dead. Get out of my head now.

I didn't think it could be that bad, and then I saw the girlfriend of my deceased brother flirting with the person responsible for his death. Cho was the only person besides Pansy that didn't annoy me these days. I used to feel like she gets me because she knew Ced and lost him the same way I did. But here she was flirting with Harry Potter when it hasn't even been five months since my brother's demise.

Yeah, maybe it's petty of me to blame Harry, but it's better. I know it's not entirely Harry's fault, but if I don't blame him then I'd have to call out the real culprit. And it's going to break that individual because they are already very miserable.

Also, for some reason, there is this picture of Ced in this room, and Cho and Harry have no problem flirting right in front of it. Why did they even put a picture of him? To motivate other students. Oh, look if you don't learn to protect yourself then your picture is going to go beside the picture of the dead guy.

As if I didn't get enough reminder of Cedric wherever I go. The biggest one of them was lying in the top drawer of my desk. I don't think I will ever open that letter.

"I'm glad you could make it, " Harry approached me with a sympathetic look on his face and I nodded and smiled.

That's what I've been doing for the past few months now, smiling and nodding as if my life isn't shit right now.

It's easier than making small conversations. It's not like I hate small conversations or conversations in general, but now when people approach me it's not out of friendliness. Furthermore, it's out of pity. I guess, this is why I prefer to spend so much time with Pansy, she doesn't see me as the dead guy's sister. She looks at me like she only sees me. It's funny to think that she sees me more than I could ever see myself.

She sees behind this facade and she doesn't judge me. She laughs with me, laughs at me sometimes too. Though I don't enjoy the latter, seeing her laugh is worth some ego-shattering. She rarely laughs around her friends, so I feel privileged to make her laugh.

But again we are not a couple. We're just two girls who like to kiss each other and talk about everything, from our strained relationship with our parents to our dreams. Even though we are aware that those dreams are just faux hopes, it's still pleasant to hope about the future.

It's just very easy to talk to her. I don't have to think before opening my mouth in front of her. It baffles me how close I am to her even though we started talking a few months ago. She has made it abundantly clear that I could never do anything that could surprise her.

⁓⁓⁓

"Okay, I got a howler from my dad when I was in the third year for not submitting my homework," I reported smugly.

"Is this really the worst thing you have ever done? y/n, you can't even surprise me anymore,"

"I bullied my neighbor's kid and made sure he kept his mouth shut about it. Yeah, I bet you haven't even done that in your bullying history,' I retorted back proudly even though I should be ashamed about that.

"I once made a kid take up a year-long suspension for me,' she stated, waving her hand nonchalantly as if it was not a big deal to her.

My mouth opened up in surprise and remained that way while she laughed.

"Oh, and I also made a really beautiful girl take up detention for me," she smirked.

"Wow, that just proves that I'm a better person,"

"Nope," she said without any hesitation ." You're the best person ever."

My heart fluttered at her words that she stated as a matter-of-factly rather than a flirtatious compliment. I couldn't get myself to look at the cause of the flush in my eyes. She shook her head lightly, chuckling before gently leaving a peck on my lips.

⁓⁓⁓

The thing about this Dumbledore's army was that it was supposed to be a secret, and we weren't supposed to tell this to anyone because then it might lead to Professor Umbridge finding out.

It's funny to think about how the students at Hogwarts talk about equality, but would never entertain Slytherins. I get that some of them might be cocky and bullies, but it just baffles me how they've generalized the whole house based on a few as if Gryffindors can't be bullies.

Slytherins are hated because a few of them think that their house is the superior house. Hate to break it to the Gryffindors but by ignoring or banishing them from the group, you're literally doing everything you claim Slytherins do.

In my opinion, the whole concept of different houses with their traits is very hypocritical and kind of silly, but who am I to point out the bullshit of the wizarding world?

A/N - My brain just said you wanna see some real speed and went brrrr.

Istg don't get used to frequent updates cause I already had this half-written in my drafts. I wish I could prioritize my fanfic over my uni but can't lmao.

Also, this is super random but I got my first dose of the vaccine yesterday so yay.
With love,
Pri