IN ANOTHER LIFE (Pansy Parkinson x Reader)

Chapter 28 - You're all I had

YOUR POV

I've never been the confused kid, you know the kind that doesn't understand anything but people still tend to trust them; Harry Potter. I've always been the kind of person that knows what they're doing, but they don't broadcast their thoughts to the entire world because let's be honest, no one gives a shit. But here I am back in the room of requirements after having the best kiss of my life, and it's safe to say that I'm confused as fuck.

Generally, when you hit someone you kind of expect them to hit you back, but I guess Pansy does not fall under that section of people. Not to brag, but I've kissed her more times than I can count, but something about this kiss was different. Contrary to her touch, her mouth was not so gentle and that may or may not have freaked me out, so I ran away. What's scary is that I enjoyed that kiss too much, more than I should have, and it left me wanting for more, but surely she doesn't want that.

This was supposed to be a fun thing to get our minds off of our stress and now I can't seem to shake her off my mind. Obviously, it wasn't a distraction anymore. I wanted more of her, all of her, but she didn't seem like she wanted that. And I can't just force people into developing feelings for me, but I was in deep shit, that much I knew.

Right now I should be thinking about the happiest memory of my life to cast a Patronus charm and here I was thinking about Pansy Parkinson. I didn't think I was a sad person, per se, but right now I can't think of a single happy memory. It's not because I led a pathetic life. I mean, I have lead a pretty decent life, but thinking about the happy moments of my life isn't ideal.

The only reason I can't cast a Patronus is that Cho is busy flirting with Harry. My lack of concentration has nothing to do with the fact that all of my happy moments revolved around one person, my brother. Whenever I think about that jerk... well, he wasn't a jerk; he was actually really nice but of course, you can't let your sibling know that.

Merlin, I wish I did. I wish I told him that he meant so much to me. I wish I could have told him that I loved him, but now I can't.

Thinking about him doesn't bring any happy memories anymore, it just brings me back to that awful evening.

"You need to focus on the memory!" Harry announced, it was mostly meant towards me considering I was the only one struggling.

Well, I don't have any good memories, dumbass.

It didn't take more than a glance to realize that most of the kids had already cast their Patronus. If I wasn't frustrated before, I definitely was now.

Focus, y/n. What about that time when Cedric took you to that Muggle fair?
And now Cedric is dead.

Okay, um, what about that time when Cedric made you a congratulations card when you got your acceptance letter?
And now Cedric is dead.

What about the time when Cedric told dad to fuck off because-
And now Cedric is dead.

My struggle soon turned into frustration when most of the surrounding kids were already perfecting their spell. And that frustration turned into rage which mostly resulted in tears for me.

"I'm sorry, I can't," I choked out before a sob could escape and that anger would end up in humiliation.

Meg and Cho tried to call for me, but I was already out of that room.

I came to a halt once I reached my house's common room. I was so certain that nobody was following me until I heard my name and trust me when I say this; Harry Potter was the last person I wanted to talk to.