IN ANOTHER LIFE (Pansy Parkinson x Reader)

Chapter 33 - Left a bad taste on your tongue

YOUR POV

I spent last year trying to move on, whereas this time I'm mourning for real. I admitted to my parents that I'm not doing okay and I needed help. Dad was skeptical, but mom convinced him to make me see a Muggle world doctor. I believe they're called therapists or something.

Obviously, I had to mask many details before opening up, like Cedric died in a car accident and was not murdered by a dark wizard. She explained to me that it's very common for people to lash out after losing their sibling. She also explained that everyone deals with trauma differently and that my emotions are valid, and I should not be ashamed of who I am. That conversation brought up Pansy and how my brother was the only one who supported my 'weird lifestyle' as my dad likes to put it. Oh, and also, turns out I have something called Daddy issues.

The constant yelling and dismissal of my emotions and feelings is a sign of a toxic household. It doesn't matter how much my dad loves me or how much he wants the best for me. If he can't communicate his perspective without shouting, then it's not worth it. It's emotional abuse, and not dealing with it in a healthy way might cause me to have shitty relationships with others. Looking back now makes me realize why Ced wanted me to move away from our house.

I finally visited his grave after a year of avoiding it. My doctor thinks that in order to move on I need to mourn properly, and I need closure. 

That surprisingly went well. For the first time, I didn't think of the moment where I didn't say I love him back, I didn't think of why he did this or his body lying on the floor. I thought about how much I love him and how he loved me enough that I never missed my parents' love or approval. This made me realize that he was my family, and he always will be. Funny enough, I ended up having a conversation with his grave. It was a one-sided conversation because he obviously didn't respond. I would be freaked out if he did, though.

It felt liberating. Of course, talking or even thinking about Ced still hurts like a bitch. But like Cho said it didn't hurt that much as it used to and his letter helped too, a lot, actually.

Dead doesn't mean gone. He exists in the stories my parents tell about him, he exists in the memories of his friends and most importantly, he exists in my heart and he always will, even long after I'm gone too.

I'm also not self-sabotaging every relationship in my life now. At present, I have 2 friends, Meg and Cho which might not seem like a lot, but I think it's enough for me.

Cho sent me a few letters, checking up on me. And Meg finally broke up with Wayne. I told her the basic stuff you say to your best friend when a douchebag breaks her heart, 'you're a queen, you deserve so much better, he's never gonna get anything as good as you. Fuck him, he's an ass' .And your friend believes you, but then that douche apologies, and they're back together. And you're left with this weird feeling because you trash-talked about her ex/current boyfriend and apparently the boyfriend doesn't like it, so you're left with one friend who happens to be your dead brother's ex.

I think I might need some friends.

A frequent conversation I had with my doctor was about Pansy. My therapist thinks that I reacted immaturely, and I should make it up. I told her I texted Pansy because I couldn't tell that I actually wrote a letter and sent my owl her way. Later she asked me why don't I just call her? And I had to lie again that her parents don't let her use a calling instrument, and then she gave me a weird look. 

Phone? That word has no meaning in the vocabulary or its function. It's so fucking random. How was I supposed to know that term?

The last day of my session wasn't eventful. The doctor told me how I've grown and how I'm ready to go back to school without the trauma. But that's the thing, I'm not ready to go back to school. I don't mind being by myself, in fact, I love being by myself. What I didn't love was sitting by myself at the table or being alone when everyone hung out in groups.

The thing I'm most scared of is facing Pansy. She hasn't replied to any of my letters, which just means that she is done with me. She should be, after what I did and said, and I don't blame her for choosing to self-preserve. But I miss her and I like her so much that I just can't lose her too.

***

"Alex asked me out," Cho told us. "I think I'm going to say yes."

"Wait? What? But they are... aren't you... you know?" Meg asked.

"Straight?" Cho inquired, quirking her eyebrow. "No, I'm demisexual."

"Wow, I didn't know."

"Yeah, now you do," Cho stated and turned towards me. She said something, but I was distracted to even notice. "Hey, Y/N, where did you go?"

"Hm?"

Before I could respond, Meg cuts in. "Okay, guys. I've got to go. Wayne's class must've ended."

Both Meg and Cho eyed me weirdly before Meg left.

"How was I supposed to know that they'd get back together?" I inquired, waving my hands in disbelief and Cho chuckled.

Cho said something, but my eyes were fixed on the door when a certain green-eyed girl walked in. Merlin, I forgot how gorgeous she was. With her green skirt and her black full sleeve blouse, she looked like someone who would destroy you, but you'd still thank them for it.

"Cho, I'm just gonna be back in a second."

Her eyes followed the direction of my vision, and she nodded in understanding.

As if seeing me walk towards her, Pansy immediately left the room.

"Hey, Pansy," I called for her, but she just kept walking forward.

"Hey!" I said her name again, louder this time. She turned around and glanced at me then at our surroundings before taking my wrist in her hold and dragging me.

Once we were in a secluded area, she loosened her hold on my wrist and yanked me towards an empty classroom. "What are you doing here?"

"What's up with the manhandling?" I asked, taking my wrist out of her grip, and she frowned, looking at me run soothing circles around my wrist.

Gently, she took my hand in hers, "I'm sorry."

As if snapped out of a trance, Pansy dropped my hand and took a few steps behind, creating some distance between us. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry and-"

"Yeah, whatever, it doesn't matter," she mumbled, clearly wanting to get over this conversation.

"What do you mean?"

"We're done, aren't we?" she asked, not expecting an answer. "You said so yourself."

Yes, but actually no.

"Yeah, that's the thing, I didn't mean it, and I've been getting help and I'm doing better and I want you to give me a chance-"

She cut me off, "Y/N. I've had a shitty... an eventful summer break."

"Okay," I tried, "Yeah, we can talk about it."

"No, I prefer not to talk about it," she hissed, "Especially not with you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, bewilderment written all over my face.

She sighed in exasperation, running her hand over her face in frustration and her face softened for a second before it went devoid of emotions again. "We're done. I am done with you."

And just like that, she left the room and me.

A/N - yikes.

Hi, I know it's been a while, but I just didn't feel connected to the story anymore. And ik that's a shitty excuse, but I didn't wanna write something that I'm not proud of just for the sake of it.

Plus, I started this Bucky fic, and managing two stories with uni is not easy. But dw I do plan on finishing this.

Also, 30k reads? Y'all are fucking amazing!
With love,
Pri