IN ANOTHER LIFE (Pansy Parkinson x Reader)

Chapter 34 - Let her go

YOUR POV

Okay, I have other hobbies. It's not like my life revolves around a girl. But Merlin, I miss that girl so much. I just don't know what happened. We've been through worse, and we always found a way to overcome any challenge thrown our way, so what changed now?

Pansy was just not talking to me. No, she was intentionally ignoring me. She would leave classes whenever I would enter, or would avoid rooms where I was present. She acted as if I was a professor seeking her out for her missed homework.

I told myself I wouldn't be one of those people who are always fixated on their partners; but I would be lying if I said I'd rather be fixated on Pansy all the time than not have her at all. Besides, I'm doing good now, I could finally maintain a relationship without screwing it up. I am stable enough to maintain a relationship, but of course, the only person I want is apparently not interested in me anymore.

Instead, I'm going to focus on friendships. School life is all about friendships, it wouldn't suck to have a long-life friend that isn't limited to my time in school.

Meg is definitely not one of those people because I've realized that Wayne is always going to be around her and that dude sucks. He is literally the embodiment of a white cishet man. Homophobia flows from his heart and patriarchy resides in the gray matter of his brain, and sexism is sound to his ears. In Layman's terms, he fucking sucks and if Meg wants to keep a toxic person around her, then I should not tolerate it. That's why my therapist thinks I should cut her out.

But there's this tiny problem, I don't have other friends, so I guess I'll just hang out with toxic people because I don't want to be left alone. Wow, maybe I am toxic too.

Since Pansy decided to cut all ties with me, I told myself that I wasn't going to push myself. I was in a much healthier place mentally. And my doctor instructed me to focus on one thing at a time, and I'm choosing to focus on friendship. And I will not even talk about Pansy to anyone.

“Y/N?” Cho's voice broke me from my train of thoughts. We were sitting in the library, trying to discuss homework, while I faded into my fantasies sporadically.

“Hey, Cho. Do you think Pansy is over me?” I asked, clutching my hands over my chest in disbelief.

“You told me you were gonna study and not talk about your ex kinda girlfriend,” Cho stated, pushing the homework towards me. “So, what ingredients would you suggest for this potion?”

I studied the potion in front of me, trying to concentrate. “I think lemongrass… How can she just move on? I mean, I know I messed up, but I'm apologizing now, no?”

Cho sighed in defeat and closed the book, “This thing is clearly eating you up. Do you want to talk about it?”

“What? Pansy? Of course not,” I waved my hand nonchalantly, shrugging my shoulders in an uncaring manner. “I'm already over her.”

“If it bothers you so much, then why don't you just talk to her?”

“Talk to her? What kind of straight people shit is that?” I joked and Cho gave me an unamused look, and I continued, “Okay, I tried. She prefers not to be associated with me.”

Cho kept her hand on mine and looked around before saying, “I wasn't going to say anything, but I heard Harry and Ron talking about her. He said something about how Draco and Pansy are already on the wrong side.”

I furrowed my brow in confusion. Wrong side? What's that supposed to mean? A small part of me had an idea what that meant, but surely Pansy wouldn't.

I was brought back to reality when Cho called my name again. She told me that I should just suck it up and head over to the Slytherin dorm room and sort this out with her.

So, that's what I did. I sneaked into her room while I was sure everyone was at the dinner. Should I be going through her stuff? Being back in her room without her brought some weird déjà vu. The first time I sneaked into her room seemed a faraway memory. I wasn't the wisest person then. Well, considering I was standing at the same spot, a year later, maybe I'm still not wise.

In my defense — well, I have none.

Her door opened, and I was about to run away, but it was already too late. Yeah, I'm definitely not smart. Slowly, I turned my head around, trying to avoid the gaze of the person who caught me sneaking into someone else's room.

Pansy's eyes widened when she saw me in her room. I waved my hand and mumbled an awkward hi.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asked furiously, closing the door behind her and striding towards me.

“Did I do something?” I ignored her question, “I swear I can fix it, fix me if that's what you need.”

Pansy rubbed her hand across her face, slightly huffing at the exhaustion she felt. Was it directed at me? Is our relationship becoming too tedious for her?

“No, Merlin, no. You are perfect, Y/N.”

“If it's not me, so how can I fix us?” I asked.

“You can't,” Pansy sighed, “I need you to believe in me so when I tell you that I can't do this, it's to protect you. Okay?”

“Pansy,” I tried, “I don't understand-”

She cut me off and took my face between her palms. Her eyes were fixed on me, taking in every feature, memorizing my face. What was happening?

“I-,” she started, but sighed instantly and shook her head in disbelief. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me. And if things were different, I wouldn't be doing this to you.”

Pansy ran her thumb across my cheeks, tears almost welling up in her eyes. I didn't understand what was happening, but all I knew was this was important. “My life is complicated,” she stated, “And I can't drag you in it.”

“But I want to be in your life, Pansy,” I countered.

Gently, she ran her thumb across my lower lip, as if struggling to decide her next move. I wanted to shake her and tell her that I'm still hers; she can kiss me whenever she wants to, but I was so lost in her intense gaze that I didn't say anything. She eyed my lips for another second before bringing her eyes back up to mine.

“I can't give you what you need,” she started, “If things were different then maybe-” She inhaled sharply, it seemed what she was about to say was breaking her and I didn't want her to proceed if it would break us. But as Ced always advised: Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. So, I waited, waited for her to finish, hoping that her sentence wouldn't end us.

“You don't deserve this. Maybe in another life, we could have been together, but,” she choked, a sob threatening to break her throat. A tear made down it's way down her cheek, and my eyes started to crinkle as well. “Not this. I can't do this to you. I can't do this to us. Maybe in another life.”

“In another life,” I agreed, capturing her lips in mine without hesitation. I didn't want her to let me go. Peacefully, I exhaled when she kissed me back just as fervently.

A/N- I hope y'all are doing alright!
With love,
Pri