IN ANOTHER LIFE (Pansy Parkinson x Reader)

Chapter 35 - I hope that you're okay

YOUR POV

"Hey, are you paying attention?" Alex chimed in from beside me. Since Megan had decided to spend all of her time with her stupid boyfriend, I choose to spend time with Alex. They are great and really cool. Plus, I think they have a crush on Cho, and I totally ship them. It had been almost a year since Harry broke up with Cho, and she deserves someone who would not leave them when things get tough.

"Yes, of course, I am," I lied.

"Well, we have boiled the water, added tea bags, dissolved the honey and added vanilla," they continued, "Why don't you stir the potion and put it aside to cool for 15 minutes?"

"Yes, of course," I obliged and did as they told. I did not understand the potion. I was always an average kid and to be honest, I lagged academically. The only reason I was able to understand the subjects and homework was Ced. He would stay up with me and explain basic potions to me patiently. He never scolded me whenever I asked stupid questions (which I did a lot). But now that he's gone, I realized that teachers aren't very patient or even considerate about you or your situation. They sometimes say the meanest things ever just because you messed up a homework. I never had to go through that alone ever. This one time Professor Snape taunted me for not understanding his assignment and when I told Ced; he sent a complaint to the Headmaster. The only way I can gain education now is if I taught it myself, which I was still getting used to.

"It is impossible to manufacture or imitate love," Professor Slughorn's voice brought my attention back to the task at hand. "Even though Amortentia is perceived as a love potion, it, in fact, isn't one. It causes obsession and a powerful infatuation - but it cannot make someone love us."

Simultaneously, everyone nodded in the classroom and got back to their potions. But of course, my gaze lingered around, searching for Pansy. We haven't talked since last week. What we have - had is over, and I have come to terms with it. Although, it hurts, I can't make someone want me if they truly don't.

When my eyes finally landed on her, I was met with green eyes already looking at me wistfully. Before my stomach could do somersaults, I cleared my throat and went back to stirring the potion.

She can't look at me like that and not want me at the same time. It's not fair to me. She made a decision and I was going to accept it, no matter how much it hurt me to respect her wishes.

Alex, who was oblivious to my deep pondering, looked at me before saying, "Remove the tea bags and refrigerate for an hour."

After an hour, our potion was ready. "Go ahead, smell it," Professor Slughorn instructed.

Carefully, Alex brought the vial closer to their nose and sniffled it, "It smells like old textbooks," they murmured. Cho, I thought and smiled to myself.

Alex passed the vial towards me and I looked at them astounded. What if I smell her? No, of course, not, I don't love her, I think. I'm only 17, I'm too young to even know what love is.

Reluctantly, I took the potions and eyed the vial as if it was poison, and said, "I won't smell anything, you know?"

Alex raised their shoulder nonchalantly. "Just give it a try."

And when I did give it a try, I smelled it - her. It wasn't a distinct smell that she carried, the potion made me feel dizzy and took me back to a memory - both of us crouched together on the ground, right after the tournament. The place where we shared our first kiss and I lunged into her as if my life depended on her, maybe it did. She was the anchor that held me while I wept at my loss - my brother's death.

Just like that, it hit me. I was in love with Pansy.

Of its own accord, my eyes moved around the classroom, searching for Pansy - the girl I was in love with.

Almost like she could sense my gaze on her, her eyes shifted up and clashed with mine. Pansy was holding her own vial in her hand and she was looking at me yearningly and carried another very raw emotion that I couldn't fathom.

Draco called to her from her side and she immediately shook her head like breaking a trance. She passed the potion to Draco and looked away from me.

I decided to approach her - to confess my feelings for her. I didn't know whether she reciprocated those emotions or not, and it scared the hell out of me. Evidently, I feared rejection. What if she didn't feel the same way? What if she felt it for someone else?

After a very long debate with myself, I concluded that it was best for me to just suck it up and tell her. What's the worst thing that could happen? She could reject me and my love for her, my brain taunted. Yeah, that does sound bad. Nevertheless, I was a witch on a mission, and I wasn't going to back down until I was certain she didn't feel the same way for me.

Hurriedly, I put my books in my bag. I looked up to check if Pansy was still there, only to find Draco holding her elbow in his palm, his mouth was so close to her ear. It reminded me of the intimate way I used to be close to her. He whispered something and without a further word, she nodded. I had a few guesses about what that was, but it broke my heart to even admit it to myself. They collected their books and Draco led her out of the classroom with their hands entwined.

I remembered about the time Pansy told me that she fooled around with Draco before me.

It wouldn't take a genius to guess that my feelings weren't reciprocated. And she already had someone else in her life.

A/N - bestie, that kinda sucks ngl.
With love,
Pri