IN ANOTHER LIFE (Pansy Parkinson x Reader)

Chapter 30 - Outside it starts to pour

PANSY'S POV

I messed up big time, again. It's like I thrive off of it. We've been exclusive for what, 10 minutes? And we're already fighting. I know it was my fault and I also know I have to make it up to her, again. If you couldn't make her stay 5 minutes after committing, how do you think this is going to work, the little voice in my head taunted me.

Truth be told, I had no idea why she would want to be with a person like me. A person who is already so fucked in the head and can't give her the world she deserves. As clueless as she tries to pretend I've noticed how her eyes fill up with disappointment when she sees me walking around with Draco. It's obvious that she deserves better, but Merlin, I'm very selfish when it comes to her. I want her all to myself.

I've been honest with her since day one, some might even say bluntly honest, but that's just me. I explained to her how my parents wanted me to marry Draco in the future so that I could carry the Parkinson legacy forward that my sister refused to do. My parents have been very careful and stealth with me since Poppy ran off with Eugene. They're scared that they will lose the only daughter they have left, but if I'm being honest, they lost me the moment they tried to dictate decisions regarding my life.

I'm pretty smart, smarter than people would give me credit for. Well, not academically but real life smart.

It didn't take smartness to realize that this thing with y/n was doomed from the beginning. Some part of me knew it would end someday. I can only hope to fix things with her. As much as I'm scared to put myself through heartbreak, I want her.

She hasn't said a word to me since that night. I totally deserved it after the shit I pulled. It may have started as a distraction, but after a minute I totally forgot the reasoning behind my actions.

I know I'm not the best person out there and if I'm being honest with myself, I don't deserve her. She's good and not just to me, but to everyone and Merlin, I want to be good for her too.The turmoil is that I don't know how to be good. Nobody taught me how to be good or how to make correct choices. I was always told to do everything and now that I have a little freedom to make my own decisions I don't know how to differentiate between right and wrong.

I know it's not an excuse for me to treat her badly. Nobody deserves to be treated poorly, especially her. So I'm really, really trying to be better. In the past few days, I've left several presents at her doorstep, and written her a few apology letters. I found all of them the next day on my bed. After all my failed attempts to contact her, I have finally decided to break into the Hufflepuff common room tonight.

This can either end up terribly or awfully, but I'd take any chance to let her know how sorry I am and hopefully win her back.

***

Breaking into another house's common room was not child's play for me. You'd think that after bullying more than half of my classmates, it would be easy to get past a few prefects and Mr. Flinch. It wasn't. Apparently, the Weasley twins were always up to something, so the staff was always on high alert. Nevertheless, I reached my destination after a few obstacles in the way.

The Hufflepuff common room was... different to say the least. Slytherins rarely visit other House's common rooms, we prided ourselves too much to do such a thing. Now that I look around this different environment, all I can conclude is that I've been told some serious bullshit all my life. Different isn't always bad.

"Pansy? " A voice I know all too well whispered from behind me, and I didn't have to turn to cognize the person.

Y/n looked around and angrily bolted towards me. Without saying a word she held my wrist in her palms, and half dragged me towards an empty room.

"What the fuck are you doing here? " She half yelled.

"I'm sorry, "I whispered, "I know I say that a lot, but fuck, I am really sorry. I felt awful for what I did and- "

She huffed in annoyance, "You can't treat me like shit and expect me to forgive you the moment you feel bad."

"I know, Merlin, I know that. And I'm truly sorry and these past days without you have been horrible, " I gently tried to take her hands in mine and a small smile paved its way to my lips when she didn't move away from my touch. "And I know it's my fault, but I miss you, I miss talking to you, and you don't have to forgive me or even be with me, but can we just talk like we used to?"

"I need some time," y/n shook her head and took her hands away from my grasp.She looked around for any witnesses that could report us to a professor and shifted uncomfortably on her feet.

"Time. Yeah, sure," I nodded my head in acceptance. "However long you need."

She nodded her head a little and kept her gaze focused on the door behind me, avoiding looking me in the eyes. Seeing her being so distant with me broke me. It's funny because I thought there was nothing left to be shattered inside me.

"Did I lose you?" I whispered, my sight became foggy with the tears welling up in my eyes.

"What?"

"Did I lose you?" I choked out, trying to hold those traitorous tears from falling. "Is there not an us anymore? "

Her brows furrowed together in bewilderment and her hands gently reached my cheeks in understanding. "Aw, baby no," She gently caressed my cheeks, her thumb running circles. "We had a fight, and we're taking some time away so that we could reflect on our actions, mostly you, but that's how relationships work."

"Are we in a relationship?" I asked, hopefully.

"I don't know, do you want to be?" She teased, a faint smile forming on her lips.

"Yes," I blurted out instantly. "I mean, yeah, if that's what you want."

"I do." she answered truthfully without a hesitation.

I gently wrapped my fingers around her wrists and brought her hands towards my lips, kissing them lightly. She bit her lower lip in surprise and I just wanted to bring those lips between mine, but I knew we needed some more time to reach there again.

"I have to go now before someone catches me, but I will make it up to you." I promised.

She nodded her head in apprehension and I turned around to depart for my House's common room.

"Hey," She called out from behind me, making me turn in my path and look at her in confusion. "There is and always will be an us."

A/N - 2 more chapters to go! I have some stuff planned for year 6. Can't wait for y'all to read it.

So, I used to talk to this girl but we ended stuff between us cause our unis are 10 hours away. As adults we acknowledged that we can't maintain long distance but God, I miss her. Ahh please distract me.

Do whatever you wanna do with this random information about a stranger that writes sapphic fanfics.

Also, this section is now a rant/safe place. Go ahead and say whatever you wanna say bye.
With love,
Pri