IN ANOTHER LIFE (Pansy Parkinson x Reader)

Chapter 32 - Are you ready to see me now?

PANSY'S POV

The last day of the school year isn't usually very stressful. With all the assignments and O.W.L.S done, all that's left to do is pack up stuff and go back to your family. Well, in my and many other students' case, away from your home and to your so-called family. Hogwarts was home to a lot of kids, but not me. I mean, I had friends here, but it just didn't feel like I could be me. Isn't that the purpose of home or family? To feel at peace? Maybe there's no such thing as peace, and I'm reading too many Muggle novels to impress y/n.

Nevertheless, this is the closest I'll come to home. I have Blaise, Draco and y/n here, and I don't have to always look over my shoulder for someone's approval before doing anything.

The relationship with my parents is improving, I think. Since Poppy ran away, my parents are not contacting me every day. Some might say that we are becoming distant but to me, it feels peaceful.

On the bright side, I wasn't going directly to the Parkinson Manor from the station. I'd love to avoid my grandfather for as long as I could. All I know is that once I leave for the break, my parents would take me to a place called Borgin and Burkes, and then we would stay at the Malfoy Manor for the rest of the summer.

Y/n and I haven't talked since she told us that we needed some time off and that was 11 days ago. Not that I'm counting.

Her telling me that this is not just a fling, and we are together helped me relax a lot. The relationship I have with her is probably the most stable and healthy relationship I've ever had and that tells a lot about my dynamic with other people.

I understand if she isn't ready to talk yet, but I really hope we talk before we leave for the summer break.

As if the universe listened to my plea, a soft knock brought me back to reality. I didn't have to think twice to recognize the person on the other side of the door. Thank Merlin, my roommates left early and I have the room all to myself.

"Hey," I beamed lightly with a grin on my face. She looked distressed, like she had been crying for the past year. Without responding, she lunged forward, capturing me and my lips in surprise.

"Woah, y! /n, wow, that's-" reluctantly, I placed my hands on her side and broke our kiss.

"Are you alright?" I inquired. She took my hands from her waist and placed them firmly on her hips. She ignored my question again and made her way towards my neck, and a soft gasp left my mouth when her lips latched on my throat.

Only an insane person would stop this, but something didn't feel right, so I gently pushed her back.

"Are you sure about this?" I questioned, not trusting myself around her.

"Yes, " she finally answered, though it didn't look like she was thinking. Her eyes were blurry, not only filled with lust like mine were, but she had also been crying before this.

"Have you been crying?" Unwillingly, I put more distance between us and she groaned in frustration.

"Merlin, Pansy, I'm literally offering you m-" She grumbled in frustration.

"Hey," I softly situated my palms on her cheeks. "What is it?"

"Fucking hell, Pansy, " She almost cried out angrily, "Just fuck me already, that's what you wanted, no?"

Yes. Of course, I wanted her but not like this, not when she's clearly not thinking right.

"Did something happen?" I asked, ignoring her previous thoughts.

"I just read Ced's letter, " she answered, avoiding my gaze.

"You did? How do you feel about it?"

"I feel fine," she lied and walked towards me again, playing with the hem of my shirt.

"Y/n, stop," I announced, pushing her back.

She looked at me with disbelief, "Why? You don't want me anymore?"

"What? Of course, I do."

"Good," she mumbled before kissing me again.

Lightly, I placed my hands on her waist and broke our kiss. "How do you feel after reading that letter?"

"Like it's still my fault," she murmured, eyeing my lips again.

I tried to console her, make her understand that it's not her fault. "It's not your fault that Harry-"

"Merlin, you don't get it, do you?" She signed exasperated, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Get what?"

She huffed in annoyance, breathlessly pacing around my room, trying to calm herself down.

"What is it?" I questioned again.

"I KILLED HIM! NOT FUCKING HARRY POTTER!" She yelled, furiously walking towards me. "I was the reason he participated in that stupid competition in the first place. Even after dying, he wanted to make sure I was okay with this fucking letter or when he told Harry to bring his body back. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this kindness because I'm not some victim left behind, I'm the murderer."

"I'M THE FUCKING MURDERER WHO KILLED HER BROTHER! " She screamed ferociously, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes were filled with a mixture of guilt, hurt and anger.

Carefully, I raised my palms towards her in surrender and submission. She eyed my hands and huffed before placing her hands in mine, and I grasped them tightly. "Hey, look at me, it's not your fault, it's nobody-"

She scoffed in disbelief, removing her hands from my grip and pacing again in the room.

"You can't just numb out the pain by being reckless," I tried. "Trust me, I've been there and it won't end well."

She stopped in her tracks and glanced at the door, probably internally debating whether to have this conversation or run from it.

"Don't do this. You can't keep running away from shit," I reasoned, even though I already knew what the verdict was. I had lost her, and the funny part is I never even had her.

"I'm fucked up," She whispered, avoiding my stare.

"Yeah, well, who isn't?" I signed in defeat, aware that this might end if I don't put in the effort for the both of us.

"I can't. I can't do this," She muttered, moving her hands in a gesture between the space that separated us. " Us. I can't do us. I'm sorry."

"I know," I mumbled to no one in particular. She didn't hear it and even if she did, she didn't respond to it. Taking one last look across my features, she searched for any desire that would make her jump on me right now, but I knew I couldn't give her false hope, so I didn't. With a broken glance, she left the room and me. "I know."

  ⁕⁕⁕End of Year 5⁕⁕⁕

A/N - yikes, that was a bit dramatic, but come on, what did you expect? They're teenagers, obviously, they're gonna be cringy.

Ngl y/n is giving me major Elena vibes and I really hate it hahaha. Gotta channel Bonnie y'all.
With love,
Pri