{IX} i cry myself to sleep
ix;;min-yoongi::i-cry-myself-to-sleep
*SH (self harm)*
Yoongi opened the door to the apartment that he shared with his mother. Usually it was quiet, but he could hear yelling.
He stepped into the living room to see his mom and his dad, arguing.
Yoongi's dad was a doctor, and he was always away on "business trips" when he was obviously cheating on Yoongi's mom.
The cheating was a two-way thing; when Seojeuk, Yoongi's dad, was confronted about it, he accused Doji, Yoongi's mom, of cheating as well. She admitted to it.
Now they were arguing about Seojeuk's latest fling, and Yoongi simply slipped past them into his bedroom.
He dropped his backpack at the door and shut it. On his dresser, he saw the "Jar of Comfort" (as his therapist would call it) that he used to use. Now, he walked over to it and opened the lid.
Yoongi shook the jar with one hand resting comfortably on top before removing his hand, carefully, as if a scared butterfly or ladybug was inside.
It was a gamble to see which slip of paper he drew.
Written in his sloppy handwriting was:
Smile, as there's a lot to smile about
He turned it over and over.
Smile
Smile
Smile
The word taunted him.
Yoongi dropped the jar along with the paper, letting go of what he knew.
Where is it
He walked over to his closet and reached into the back.
Yoongi's lips curled up into a small smirk when he rested his hands around the familiar box.
His parents continued to argue as he pulled out the box and opened it.
The last time he'd opened this box was when he was 15.
Inside, there were bandages and a knife.
He took the box over to the bathroom and locked the door.
*SH WARNING*
Now inside the bathroom, Yoongi rolled up the sleeves of his sweater and grabbed the knife.
He was armed.
Probably the only thing that could set the fireflies of his past wounds free.
He brought the knife to his skin, the jar trapping in the fireflies.
As he pressed down and slid across, he remembered everything.
He'd become suicidal at age 14, when he'd first tried to come out to his parents, who joked about it and showed they were homophobic
Yoongi smiled at the cut, bleeding the shining fireflies out of their cage.
His parents were always on the edge of divorce
Another cut, this one longer, appeared on Yoongi's other wrist.
He had to pay for his own therapy
He would slit his wrists
He would think about ending it all
He wouldn't use the jar
He never felt fucking safe
He hated his fucking life
It's just a ticking bomb waiting to explode
The fireflies danced out of their jar, which was shattered. Wings fluttered through the room, each one having its own memory. Yoongi watched them be free.
He wished he didn't blink, because they all disappeared and his vision was drawn to the bandages.
*SH WARNING OVER*
Yoongi grabbed the bandages, quickly wrapping his wrists in them. It'd been three years since he'd done that. Three years since the fireflies could go freely.
However, every time he felt the memories were gone, more appeared. They were reproducing inside of him, pounding against the glass jar that was his skin.
The sink was stained with the remains of the escape. Yoongi cleaned it up and headed back to his bedroom, box in hand. He placed it back in his closet and sat on his bed, knees up.
Then his phone started ringing.
Yoongi picked up his phone from its face-down position and read the caller ID.
Joon
He sighed before answering the phone.
"Hey."
"Hey, just wanted to check up on you. How's the exchange?"
Yes, students at the school knew about the exchange. They just didn't know why it happened.
"It's fine, just tired."
"You should be getting more sleep. You're probably the most sleep deprived person I know."
"I cry myself to sleep. Why would I want to-"
"Yoongi, you can't keep struggling like this."
Yoongi glanced down at his bandage arm, the same one with the hand tattoo. "Namjoon, I'm fine."
"No you aren't."
"Joon, I appreciate that you care, but I'll be fine." Then he hangs up.
Yoongi's eyes darted to one of the drawers in his dresser.
I'm fine.
***
heres 700 words for a hiatus
i already had this chapter written before the hiatus
yes im gonna keep this book on hiatus because the next chapter is really long and when i stopped writing it was still the beginning of the chapter
see you in the next chapter!
YOU ARE READING
𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘. ❥ sope.
Fanfiction{PREQUEL TO: 𝗜𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗢𝗥. ❥ sope.} Yoongi shot a sharp glare at Hoseok. "What. Are. You. Doing?" "Um, my job?" Hoseok replied, looking up. "Ah yes, your job is to stick your fingers wherever you like and leave fingerprints everywhere. C...
