addiction - hyunchan

four

over the course of a long week, chan found himself thinking about the words that hyunjin had said. he wasn't particularly a fan of anything that addict would speak of, but the specific words about him being the one to kill him in the end really stuck with him for a reason he wasn't aware of.

despite that, he avoided the occasional upcoming thought for the main reason he refused to let the male, that has ruined so much for him, take up his time and thoughts.

-

hyunjin brought the glass pipe up to his lips, taking in a deep breath of the heated black substance that was in the tinfoil. he shut his eyes to focus on the unnatural sensation take over his body. a buzz so strong he'd occasionally shake or twitch.

he had bought this heroin with some of the money his friend...which he had yet to find the identity of.

you see, every month this 'friend' would send him ₩200,000 in a white envelope with a note along the lines of—

please use this for some food, hyunjin. i hope you're doing well, miss you.

—but he'd not once ever found out or even thought about who this friend was since it wasn't much of his concern. although, he was grateful for them. he sometimes even hoped he'd get to meet them and thank them for being generous enough to give him their hard earned cash.

the addict cleaned up his mess for the most part and crashed on his bed, the thought of seungmin and his whereabouts crossed his mind for a moment. he would ask to exchange numbers with the roommate...that's if he had a phone.

just as his mind drifted off and body began to feel heavy, he was snapped out of his trance when his roommate walked through the door.

"fuck— it reeks in here hyunjin. maybe spray some fabreeze or something after smoking that shit. just human decency, ever heard of it?" the younger male sighed and crashed on his own bed as well, exhausted from a long day at school and work.

"eh, i could care less. oh and do you know how to track an envelope?"

"are you that fucking dense? the address should be on the front." seungmin scoffed.

"oh..." well in that case, hyunjin slipped on his shoes and a light sweatshirt to go find the previously opened envelope that was somewhere in a dumpster in a back alley down town. he surprised himself with even remembering which one. "well im going out for a bit, you should order me some food when i get back, i prefer the chicken alfredo from the pizza shack!"

hyunjin left the dorm hearing a shout from seungmin along the lines of "im not buying you shit" but then again it could have all been in his head.

...

hyunjin had made it to the dumpster in the alley only to see it had been emptied. out of anger he kicked the side of the large metal trash bin yelling profanities here and there.

he wanted nothing more than to know if he really had a friend out there that cared enough to send him money once a month. and he didn't want to wait a whole other 30 days to meet them. quite frankly the reason was he simply couldn't assure he'd even live that long. death was an everyday possibility.

so he set foot onto the towns floor of cracked sidewalk that was littered with civilians, kicking rocks to pass the time and ignoring the fact the humanity around him did anything to avoid him. the parents always holding onto their children a bit more securely when passing the addict. or walking an extra few feet away to be freed of his presence. not that he even noticed when he was to caught up in a mind of his own.

as he kicked the rocks beneath his feet he felt the urge to fill his body with more toxic substances since he was in a fit of rage from not being able to acquire the letter. although, even he was aware he had taken too many grams of various drugs that morning and he knew that taking anymore could leave to an easy overdose. so his mind filled with other thoughts to mask over the addiction pulling him in and telling him to reach into his pocket and take the pills or smoke the forbidden toxins.

he thought about anything and everything while thinking of nothing at the same time. it's hard to explain the mind of an addict when you are not or haven't been influenced that way before. to not have endured and experience the overlapping of a million thoughts at once due to the tingling through your veins causes you lack of knowledge as to what they go through.

so his mind slipped of as he sang small songs walking through the streets. "friend~ who are you~ friend friend friend- ouch!" he had sang the tune with the "envelope friend" in mind but was disrupted when he ran into a short...wall?

"watch where you're going creep!" the man scoffed and declined the offered hand hyunjin had given to help him stand.

just as the short man stood up and dusted off his slacks, he'd finally taken a glance at the "ignorant" man he ran into. "h-hyunjin?" he stuttered. honestly speechless to see him in a worse state than back in highschool.

"i'm sorry do i know you?" hyunjin tilted his head out of confusion not recognizing this male at all.

"um no, i'm sorry but i have to get going." the shorter male with wide eyes at who he'd just ran into, scurried of back to a parking garage to meet a special someone waiting in their car.

when entering the car with a skiddish attitude, felix began to worry at what his boyfriend had encountered. "babe? are you alright?"

changbin lifted his head from the ground and looked his lover in the eyes. "i- i just ran into hyunjin."

felixs heart sped up. "is he alright? how was he?" it honestly had given felix hope. to know that his highschool best friend was even alive made him happier than ever. you see, he'd been sending hyunjin money every money's since he knew that the boy wasn't capable of getting a job. he did it just to help out as much as he could. but he wasn't even aware if hyunjin had been receiving it since he not once got a thank you letter back.

"felix i think you should stop sending him money. he's clearly not using it on food and only on more drugs. he was out of it. all your doing with that money is helping him slowly kill himse-"

"are you kidding me? i'm not going to stop sending him my money that i specifically make for him." felix had never been in an argument with changbin before, but if he was going to tell him what to do with his own money and not give help to a friend that he was incapable of coming in contact with, then it was worth the argument.

"look, all i'm saying hes not okay, he's clearly on hardcore stuff and it's probably all bought with the money you give him"

"just drive. i'm don't talking about this right now."

"felix baby-"

"drive goddamn it! you're ignorant. at least some of that money i know he uses for food. i'm just doing what i can, changbin. he's someone that is in this position partially because i wasn't able to help him back in highschool because of the restraining order my parents filed against him. so who are you to tell me what to do with my money when i'm simply helping someone out that i love."

"i get that, but he's not stable anymore. he looked like he was one foot in the grave. felix, hes addicted and dangerou-"

"dangerous?! he wouldn't hurt a fucking fly! i know he's an addict and again it's partly my fucking fault he ended up like this. because i wasn't able to be there when he needed me the most. so he resorted to the only thing his mind could think help him. i don't judge him, it's what we all would've gave in on if we were going through what he was. so i need you to understand people like you are the fucking problem."

"fel-"

"no changbin. don't 'felix' me right now. you need to understand how people like you, who treat addicts as if they are nothing more than a monster...as-as if there not human to you anymore. he needs help. and with society's facade that has been created to make everyone think people like my- my fucking best friend are crazy. that is what will kill people like hyunjin in the end. people like you push them into continuously wanting the need to forget and filling their body with what helps them cope. so drive changbin. we will discuss this like civil humans once you realize you are wrong."

...

(a/n: hello everyone! i hope you got the importance of this chapter and understand what i have felix saying. i'm here to speak up on this matter and hopefully educate some of you along the way)