addiction - hyunchan

thirty-seven

"i love you"

the words chan wished he could scream at the top of his lungs. yet the heavy pains in his chest kept a word from slipping out. he hated this outcome, he hated that he never got to say those three words to the boy who showed him what it was like to feel needed and wanted by someone who he had done so wrong. he never got to thank that same boy for giving him the opportunity to feel so deeply attached to another being.

he stumbled across the floor, almost crawling to the door as his legs had become far too weak at the fact the unbelievable had finally become a reality. it felt unreal. "doctor!" he screamed through the halls, beggin for someone, anyone to rush in and tell him the was not happening, tell him this was not real.

the bright hall lights made his head spin, flashing along with his heart beat while beads of sweat dripped from his body. his whole world was unsteady.

many nurses rushed towards the abrupt call for help, no hesitation in their movements as they rushed toward the valued patient. chan tried to focus on the words that shot out the doctors mouths, but he couldn't focus on the sound. everything felt like it was fading away.

felix had woken due to the mass of commotion. when glancing over towards hyunjins room that was conveniently located aside the lobby, he was met with the horrid sight of chan in an emotional state, leaning against the door frame. lights suddenly became brighter for felix and the once quiet sounds were now pulsing in his ear along with his accelerating heartbeat. it seemed like time had come to slow down.

crying, felix got up. "no no no no no no no" he repeated, rushing towards the room knowing that chan would not be crying unless hyunjin was dead. as he reached the doors that chan was collapsed in between, he fell to his knees wrapping chan into his arms. "t-tell me he's okay" he whispered to himself before glancing into the room.

inside the room there were multiple doctors surrounded the bed, defibrillator out and in shock use. they were doing absolutely everything they could to save him.

chan reached out, finally returning the embrace felix had captured him in, he was shaking. both males were to a point where they were just praying on anything and everything that this was a dream. they could not bring themselves to believe that someone so special to them, so important to them, had died.

hyunjin had died.

three words not either boy could comprehend.

so much so they put every ounce of hope into the work the doctors were doing in that moment to save him. because to chan, if hyunjin really died there would be no forgiveness. he would be incapable of forgiving himself for ultimately being the reason the one person he had come to love and fight so hard for, died.

and to felix, if hyunjin died there would be no reason. there would be absolutely no reason for him to keep going. not after spending years on end of his teenage years fighting his brother, whom he had little acknowledgment of being an alcoholic, for freedom. freedom to go help his friend, who was locked up in his own small helpless mind, that was diseased with addiction.

"i-i can't lose him" both males cried as they heard the defibrillator send electric shocks through hyunjins body. "keep checking for any signs of a pulse!" a nurse yelled, before another shock was heard. what the two males were scared for was the horrid silence that would come after the shock...the same silence that was followed by negative responses such as im sorry.

because that would crush their world.

...

four years ago