addiction - hyunchan

twenty-one

(a/n: changed the title; this more fitting)

...

hyunjin was finally released from the hospital after a few more scans and blood tests. the doctors informed chan that he would be alright and if any of those symptoms were to keep happening that they'd just have to bare with them because they will come naturally with withdrawal.

now for the money situation, felix took it into his own hands to pay the hospital bill since his family was rather wealthy you could say. unfortunately that would be yet another thing for him to be scolded for, but it didn't matter when it was all for hyunjin anyways.

chan stopped by the pharmacy on the way back and bought the detox he'd never gotten. as for right now, hyunjin was fresh out of the shower laying in bed watching netflix on chan's laptop while the elder took his turn in the washroom before jeongin and seungmin came over.

although the show was playing on the screen in front of him, hyunjin wasn't paying at least a bit of attention. he was to busy focused on the actions that took place in the hospital room. he tried remembering how this was all chan's fault and the reason his life seemes to be ruined is because of him...so why was he so confused about his hatred for chan that was usually strong enough to punch a whole through his face...why did he feel different.

"hyun, are you good? feeling alright?" chan said peeking his head out of the bathroom.

"uh- yeah, when your done can i smoke? like weed not...not—yeah" he asked. the addict was having extreme dependent urges on heroin and if it weren't for his weak state or the way chan's been treating him so nicely, he would be rummaging through chan's personal belongings to hopefully find his drugs and get high like he wanted to.

he just wanted the pain to go away. whatever the feeling he felt was, he wanted it gone.

"are you okay with nicotine right now? i don't want the room to smell when we have people coming over." chan questioned, but soon regretted when he saw hyunjin begin to nibble on his bottom lip anxiously. "okay okay, a half a gram at max, got it?" chan stated, receiving a nod.

chan quickly wrapped a towel around his waist to walk out into the room. he then pulled out the bag and handed hyunjin his bowl and marijuana which the addict took eagerly, grabbing his lighter and grinder before smoking all he could. a sigh of relief left hyunjins lips when he felt the high take over his body. it may not be what his body was craving, but it gave him a similar distant feeling. one where he felt lighter...happier. "thank you chan" he sighed falling back onto his bed.

"stop thanking me, i'm just here to do what needs to be done. i owe you"

although hyunjins mind was fogged by the slight high, that sentence somewhat....hurt. he still hated chan for what he did, but just as chan came to realization that he was wrong, hyunjin came to realize chan was sincere about wanting to help...or at least that's what he thought. "chan...am i just some way to make yourself feel better? to make you think that you're a good person just because you helped someone out?" he had not one clue why he was getting so upset over the single fact chan might not be doing this for him, but doing it for his own personal validation.

chan stood there with confusion written on his face, not saying a word.

"do you think once i'm better it'll make you a good person just for being here along the way, you'll be all happy and just leav—"

"hyunjin i know i'm always going to be a bad person for what i did! i know, i didn't mean it to sound like i was only here because i have to be. i'm here because i want to be, i want to help you. at first i hated this idea, but now that i'm aware this is my fault, i'm going to do any and everything i can to make you happy again. i my have not met you before you were addicted, but from what i've heard, and what i know from being around you, there's a happy boy somewhere underneath and i can't wait to meet him"

hyunjin blinked a few times trying to process all the sincerity, he didn't know how to take words like this. to hear someone he'd spent years fighting with mentally, verbally, and physically with just tell him he wanted to spend every day with him until he was finally happy, it was extremely hard to process. yes, hyunjin could see that they were most definitely getting along better, but he wasn't ready to forgive and forget all that chan has done. it may seem as if it's not that big of a deal, but to have him walk into his life like a new person that is willing to potentially love and care for him? that's a major change in hyunjins life. one that he wasn't ready for and only hoped chan would respect that. "i don't want to sound like an asshole, 'cause i get that you want to help me not just for yourself now, but you're getting to comfortable with me too soon, chan. i can't just forgive you because you've realized your wrong, it's going to take time."

the younger didn't really know how to feel, he wanted to get mad and punch something as per usual, but he also felt like curling up in his bed to cry. this was different, chan really cared for him and he just couldn't process that was real.

because deep down, that's all hyunjin ever wanted. he wanted chan to stop being so cruel and treating him inhumanly, so he fought with him for five whole years to hopefully one day catch chan's attention and make sure chan knew that he was the monster all along. in all honesty, hyunjin thought his death would be the thing to show chan his faults, but that's not the case. chan now treats hyunjin as if he is fragile and needs to be cared for and potentially loved for. it was a concept so hard to grasp for the addict.

"i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable, i'll give you space" chan stated with a saddening smile that hyunjin caught onto pretty quickly. "seungmin and jeongin are on their way, i'll get dressed and go to my dorm for a while, maybe even stay there tonight if that makes you more comfortable..." he headed back in the bathroom and slipped on clothes to lounge in.

when he exited the room, hyunjin was up trying to walk to the door, seemingly doing an okay job. he had to hold on to furniture to keep him up and his legs were trembling tremendously, but for the most part he was doing much better than that morning. "f-fuck" hyunjin muttered in a way you could tell he was suppressing a cry, his hands were too shaky and weak to unlock the door and allow the couple inside.

chan heard immediately and went up behind hyunjin, helping him open the door. chan was so fixated on the addicts hands and stability, he hadn't realized the streams of tears trickling down his face. the tears that only hyunjin knew the reason behind. fear. tears fell down all for the reason hyunjin was scared of all the emotions he was feeling. he was unable to focus on the anger, sorrow, or this unrelated emotion that made him feel trapped. fortunately this didn't go unnoticed by the couple that opened the door to the view on chan's hand subconsciously on hyunjins waist to keep him from falling, and the addict who looked like a wreck of tears.

it was definitely a new sight, to see them so close and not beating the fuck out of one another. although, hyunjins tears were the concern of the moment. "hyunjin are you alright?" — those exact words were enough for hyunjin to break down. the addict turned around and let his head hit chan's shoulder, crying into his shirt while his arms loosely wrapped around chan. "hyun...w-what are you--"

"i don't know, i—i feel funny right now...

b—but this feels right"