addiction - hyunchan

forty-four

tw//mention of suicidal plans

"all ready?" chan asked as the smaller boy hopped into the passenger seat of his vehicle. jisung nodded and soon enough they were on their way to the prison.

chan expected jisung to seem more excited now that he was finally getting to see minho after 10 months, yet it didn't look the case when he noticed slight tears building up in jisungs eyes as he fiddled with his sleeves. "you okay, bub?" chan asked, reaching a hand over for comfort.  the younger boy only nodded, wiping his tears. he hadn't the courage to talk right now as he was too busy focusing on what to say to minho when they arrived.

jisung was aware the time was limited with his boyfriend, that's why he had to plan out a way to say everything he needed to in one go. he couldn't wait for another visit.  he would get an hour seated with minho in the public area open for all visitors with exceptional background checks. which luckily jisung was informed people with mental illnesses such as his were not able to enter, but due to the boy not having anything on his physical records he would be able to go inside.

upon parking at the large building, jisung, with the help of chan, hopped out of the car and began walking towards the visitors entrance where he was met with a sweet lady at the front desk. chan helped inform the woman as well as two other officers who jisung would be visiting, gave proof he was over the age of 18 and signed a long form ensuring he was there for good means. after the process was over, jisung was escorted by two officers into a cafeteria sized room with two vending machines...as well as minho awaiting at one of the tables for him.

to the youngers surprise, minho greeted him with a wide grin showing his adorable bunny teeth and eye smile. he took a seat across the round table from his lover in orange and sighed. "hi"

minho couldn't help but feel so relieved after so long, he was finally sitting in front of his boyfriend once again. his absolutely perfect, gorgeous, and adorable boyfriend. "hi baby, i've missed you."

on the spectrum of what jisung had assumed would happen, it seems things were somewhat on his side. he just had to remind himself not to get too attached during this hour or else it would be too hard for him to leave. "i-i missed you too...um how have you been? i-i mean you're sober r-right? you look hot— i mean well, you..umm"

minho chuckled at how flustered jisung was just from the simple stare he had been giving him. "carry on?"

"your hair is longer...you look pretty" the boy said almost as soft as a whisper.

"and you look gorgeous as well, darling. i wish i could just cuddle you and kiss you all over. i think about you everyday, like actually. i've told all my inmates about you and how perfect you are, i tell them about how i wanna marry you when i get out of here in 3 years. i got a lot of my boys wanting to meet y—"

jisung had tried, he tried to keep in the tears but it's so hard to do so when someone you've been waiting to see for not only 1 year but nearly 7 years, was finally seated in front of him. yes, jisung had technically seen minho less than a year ago, but not sober minho. not the minho he'd been so attached to all this time. the same minho he prayed he'd get to see before he left. and what broke jisung the most was how his boyfriend was speaking of their future with such pride and joy, giving jisung all the false hope he didn't need. because they had no idea if minhos sobriety was even promised outside of this prison.

jisung wanted to spend most of the hour talking to the boy he fell in love with, just like he was back in freshman year of high school, but here he was 10 minutes in, crying so hard he was struggling to breath.

"baby? hey hey hey, what's going on? is everything good at home?" minho questioned out of worry, only for his heart to shatter when jisung replied with a no.

"i-i came here t-to tell you i love you and-and that i need to move on...that you need to move on. but—but it's too hard f-for me to listen to you talk about the...the future that isn't- that isn't promised-" jisung sniffled, wiping the mass of tears and snot dripping down his face.

"jisung wait-what are you trying to say? a-are you breaking up with me?!"

"i guess you could say that." jisung whispered, standing up from his seat. he wish he could've stayed longer and talk to the minho he waited for, for so long. but the amount of pressure  resting on his shoulders that he wanted off so badly was not getting lighter throughout the conversation. he wanted to be free, and more importantly he wanted minho to be freed from him. he needed to let the elder move on before he moved on without him. jisung needed to say goodbye to minho before someone else had to do it for him.

"no! please we can talk this out! i'm sorry for everyth—"

"i love you minho, i always have. despite all the things that you did to me, i knew that this version of you was deep down in there somewhere. and now i-i can finally rest easy knowing that you're still there. so use that love on someone that deserves you, that deserves this real love and real you. there was a time where you provided me with everything that I needed, but I am sick, way too sick to carry-on. if I would've been there in the beginning, and hadn't been sick from the start I could've prevented you from being here right now, I could've prevented you from falling into addiction. But it's my fault and I've come to terms with that, I realize that it is my actions that caused y-"

"no! jisung what are you even saying?? don't do this, don't do this to me, don't do this to yourself, and don't do this to anybody around you. we're all here for you, you're not sick you just need some extra help, and I'll be there soon as I get out of here just wait for me, I love you, so many people love you, you—you can just leave everyone behind!"

"I left everyone behind along time ago and I continue to drag everyone around me, down with me. so one more time before I go, I love you" jisung had already stood up from the table and began walking away back towards the two officers who awaited for him at the doors.

Minho couldn't sit back and watch this happen, he had to yell, he had to do something. But even when he was screaming the officers were not listening. "no! PLEASE! we-we have a future waiting for us—officers! do something, he is going to commit suicide, you can't let him go home!" nobody listened, for he was only the inmate and the clearly background checked crying male was in need of getting outside of the room. so the officers took the young boy and leaded him out into the lobby back where chan stood. due to multiple guidelines the officers could not tell chan what had happened inside that room without the consent of the young boy who had visited.

so there jisung was, wiping his tears as he left the building with chan. the elder stayed quiet assuming the boy needed some space after seeing his former abusive lover after all this time. but that was not the case.

jisung planned for this to be his last few hours on this planet, his last few hours with chan, yet no one had a clue since inside words confessed in the visitation room were confidential. so the younger boy was getting his plan, and laying it out so perfectly just as he intended. not a single person had a clue on how fucked up his mind was, aside from the one who loved him unconditionally, unfortunately that one person was locked up and unable to spread the word leaving himself to drown in his own sorrows and guilt, knowing that he knew what the boy was planning yet couldn't prevent the outcome due to his own damn addiction that locked him up months ago.

(a/n: lmk if u hv questions)