addiction - hyunchan

fifty-six

the anticipated moment had finally arrived once everyone had left their apartment. chan was finally going to sit down with his boyfriend and come clean on everything he was feeling conflicted about. he didn't know how it would go, there were so many possibilities that it was impossible to predict the outcome.

"i can't believe they fucked on our bed!" hyunjin said seemingly stressed yet laughing at the situation. really they only thing he was mad about was having to laundry. he hated doing laundry. other than that he was proud of jeongin for getting that bag.

chan chuckled as he walked up behind hyunjin putting the sheets into the washing machine, his hands sliding around his waist and lips leaving kisses on his neck. "at least they got to, you promised me last night but ended up bringing home 3 friends." he groaned.

"you could be a man and fuck me right here you know..." hyunjin said closing the sheets in and starting the cycle.

"as much as i want to," chan said kissing up his jaw. "we have some things we need to talk about now that your sober."

hyunjin pouted, "i know, but can we just pretend like everything's okay for 15 minutes? you can't kiss up on me like this and just expect to "talk""

"i just—" chan stepped back. hyunjin was right, he shouldn't be kissing him like that when he was about to confess things he felt tremendous guilt for...and maybe that's what the instinct in his body was doing, trying to convince hyunjin with lust to bury chans guilt. but no, he had to be completely honest and he knew that. chan wanted nothing more than to be happy with hyunjin and hyunjin only, that's why it hurt him to admit he felt things for jisung he only wanted to feel for his boyfriend.

thinking about it all made him stressed, to the point his voice would crack if he spoke and his eyes were filling with tears. "i'm sorry- i—" he averted his eyes somewhere else when hyunjin turned around to see what was going on, he didn't want to be weak or seem as if he was the victim in the situation, he knew he wasn't. "can we sit down?"

hyunjin nodded and walked over the the couch, sitting down and patting the seat beside him. "are you alright?" he asked in worried confusion, wondering why chan was actually crying.

chan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. he wanted to get it all out at once to have it over with, he just couldn't hold it in any longer. "i love you, hyun, i wanna love you until my lungs give out. and firstly i want to apologize for not being there when you relapsed on coke, or started using harder drugs again, i'm sorry for not being there when you were feeling like shit and started drinking too much, and i'm sorry for being the reason you felt like that in the first place. every fucking day i think about our future together where we're married and have a bigger house in a better neighborhood, i think about seeing your smile when i wake up each morning... i want to apologize for not showing you how i feel lately. i started paying more attention to— to jisung and without realizing it...as you already seem to know, i caught feelings. but before you say anything, i promise that i never stopped loving you and i never will, that's why i'm telling you this now because i want to forget about him, i want to forget about anything i felt for him because—because i have you and i know that you're all i ever need," chan let out a breath he was holding, tears dripping from his eyes as he finally thought 'it's over'

hyunjin sighed, pulling chan in from a loose hug as he kissed the top of his head, tears stinging in his eyes. "i know, babe. i heard you talking to him the day you went to unpack his things." chan choked back a sob, hyunjins words seemed so passive aggressive for him to forgive him at this point. all he could do was apologize over and over in hopes it would help something.

hyunjin let out a small laugh, pulling away and cupping his boyfriends cheeks. "honey, i might be upset, and at times i was angry with you, but that's not going to stop me from loving you. you're always honest with me, and i know you can't help who you love sometimes but jisung is right; you have me and he has minho and as much as you try to get rid of me, i'll always come right back." hyunjin wiped his own tears before leaning in to capture chans lips within his own, kissing him slow to the pace of their heavy breaths.

"you forgive me?" chan sniffled as he parted their lips.

"of course, baby. i will love you until my lungs give out." and that was the truth. hyunjin wouldn't let a minor bump in their relationship let everything they had build together fall to pieces. so what if chan made a mistake, as long as he was honest about it and made up for his faults, hyunjin would forgive him for his honesty and loyalty.

he knew chan still loved him, the proof laid behind the fact even after he noticed he'd caught feelings for jisung, he didn't make a single move on the boy and stayed loyal to hyunjin throughout it all because he knew deep down he may have loved the boy, but didn't want to be with him. for hyunjin was his one and only and nobody, not even jisung would change his heart and mind.

hyunjin realized the reason chan was in denial before was because he hadn't figured out his feelings for jisung yet, and when he did find out he stayed loyal and broke things off with jisung to let the feelings die. hyunjin understood chan sacrificed a whole friendship for him, and he knew he couldn't let a pure heart like that go.

(a/n: lmao the last paragraph is a summary bc i don't think i portrayed the feelings rightin the chap, i'm too high off my ass to revise 😭)