addiction - hyunchan

nineteen

chan got back to the dorm and attempted to aim for some rest. he was more or less successful, getting a full night of sleep but unfortunately waking up exhausted. countless replays of finding hyunjin on his bed, bloody, shaking and crying. it was a nightmare on loop and he just couldn't get it out of his head.

eventually morning came and chan grabbed his wallet, phone, hyunjins toothbrush and took off back towards the hospital again. as he passed his and jeongins dorm, it came to mind that he should probably inform them on the situation. seungmin was hyunjins roommate after all.

he knocked on the door moderately loud since he expected that the couple would be asleep. luckily after only a few knocks, jeongin opened up the door with tired eyes in nothing but his boxers. "chan?" he questioned, confused as to why the elder would be dropping by so early in the morning.

"hey, can i talk to you?"

...

after chan informed jeongin on the situation, the younger told chan he'd let seungmin know what was going on once he woke up and that they would visit hyunjin once he came back to the dorms.

as of now, chan had just arrived back at the hospital. walking up to hyunjins room he felt anxious. his palms were clammy and his breath felt short. unsure of why he was feeling this way, chan nodded off the unsettling thought and opened the door. inside laid hyunjin awake with a sleeping felix curled up to his side, face nuzzled in the crook of the addicts neck. "hey, how are you feeling today?" chan asked softly, pulling up a chair to the side of the bed.

hyunjin sighed "it hurts a lot, but the meds i'm on really keep my mind off things..." he answered not making eye contact, pressing his lips into a flat smile. although chan hadn't been around the boy for long, he could tell there was something he was hiding by the unfamiliar body language. there was a possibility he could have been mistaken and it was simply new body language from being a bit sober, but chan had a gut feeling there was something hyunjin wasn't telling him.

"is there something else bothering you?"

hyunjin stopped for a moment and thought about last night and the kiss he had shared with his "crush". it was just another stupid mistake that kept him up all night. he wondered if it would ruin their friendship, or if not that, possibly ruin felixs relationship with changbin resulting in felix to form a hatred towards him. whatever the negative outcome was, he didn't want to know. "there's nothing bothering me."

"what did you two do last night?"

hyunjins felt a knot in his throat as he went to say "nothing." how the hell does chan even know? how could he have possible read him that easily. "it's none of your fucking business, could you get off my dick for once?!" he hadn't intended to raise his voice like that. yet he couldn't help it when the one person he hated most could read him so well, and see through his lies.

unfortunately due to his raise in voice, felix shot up rubbing his tired eyes. "is everything okay?" he asked worriedly, rubbing the addicts back to hopefully calm him down.

hyunjin growled and rolled his shoulder to knock felixs hand off him. "stop fucking touching me! get off. get out of my bed. get out get out get ou-"

a loud smack echoed throughout the room.

"snap out of it hyunjin! what the fuck is wrong with you? i may not know what you two did last night, but for fuck sake hes your best friend! are you trying to fuck up your life more than it is?!" chan snapped, he couldn't let hyunjin fuck up anymore. he was given the job to keep him in check so that's exactly what he'd do.

hyunjin sat with wide eyes holding his hand up against his red cheek where he'd been slapped. it wasn't nearly his first time getting hit by chan, so why did it hurt emotionally this time. he'd been beaten unconscious, choked and kicked by chan in the past...so why did a simple slap make him feel the need to cry?

felix watched the whole thing, averting his sight to look at chan with wide eyes, he'd been aware they had a very physical past...but the way hyunjin wasn't doing or saying anything back like usual was extremely alarming. he wasn't yelling, hitting, scoffing...he was silent and still.

"he's right." hyunjin stated, to ashamed to look up. for once he had no reason to fright back since there was nothing to fight about. chan was completely right this time.

"look, i won't ever be able to understand what's happening in your head. but i want you to get better. i know you still fucking hate me and you have every right to, i've come to terms with that. but i need you to calm down okay? whatever is stressing you out, you have me and felix here to help you." chan spoke a bit passive aggressively, but he intended it to be calmer for the sake of helping hyunjin.

as for the addict, he felt ashamed the whole time, up until now he had never really been in a situation where he couldn't fight back. there was no doubt that everything chan said was right. due to his faults his tears continued to fall down. " 'm sorry lix, i-i just am scared about what we did and it was so wrong of me to do, you have a boyfriend and— and"

"jinnie, it was just in the moment and i don't plan on keeping it a secret from binnie. sure he'll be mad but that's a consequence i'll have to face. don't worry about me and please don't ever push me away. you promised me you wouldn't leave me alone again. you promised." felix once again was crying. the thought of hyunjin almost breaking his promised so quickly showed him just how hard some communication would be in this recovery. but he was willing to stay and fight through the hard times, because to felix, he wanted nothing more than to see hyunjin smile again.

felixs words made hyunjin feel too many emotions at once. first, hyunjin knew the kiss was simply just in the moment, but it hurt to think that it hadn't meant anything to felix. second, he was grateful felix seemed confident in telling changbin, he was happy that it wouldn't ruin their relationship despite the "love" and "unrequited feelings" he felt towards the young aussie. lastly, he fucking hated himself for making felix cry yet again after almost breaking the promise he made just hours before. he didn't know which one of the feelings to express in the moment, and unfortunately all the stress made him focus on the pain.

his whole body aching, his legs twitching uncontrollably every few moments due to muscle spasms. he latched onto the small blond and hugged him "i won't ever break my promise lix" he whispered.

chan watched the whole scene in front of him play out, subconsciously with a soft smile on his face. hyunjin was getting better mentally and this means one step closer to a true smile.