addiction - hyunchan

eight

time passed and the two were still locked in the restroom with one another. so far the situation has come down to hyunjin sitting on the floor against the wall with felix on his lap crying.

felix had explained and promised to the elder that he would do anything in his will to rid them of the restraining order that was held between them. he knew it was a promise that he was unsure he was capable of keeping, but he would try anything and everything to have hyunjin back into his life again.

as for hyunjin, his emotions were everywhere; that being a side effect of the drug. he wanted to understand the situation but it only frustrated him more when he couldn't because he was fresh in a high, just only taking the drug 30 minutes ago. "felix...i'm sorry"

the younger looked up into the constricted pupils of hyunjin, understanding that he was clearly high. "don't apologize hyunjin. i helped make you this way. i'm the sorry one."

"no no no no no no no. don't say that. i love you felix so much. i just never listened when you told me to stop." hyunjin pulled felix close to his body and letting the boy cry into his shoulder.

felixs mind wasn't even fixated on the fact hyunjin smelled horrid and probably hadn't showered in days. all he could think about was how to help his friend that was so out of it he was physically shaking and looked like a mess. "i love you too hyunjin. so please, please let me help you."

hyunjin let those words sink in. "i love you" he hadn't been told that in forever that it honestly became a weakness of his. he claimed nobody loved him and that it was too late for anyone to start loving him. for once he was happy to be wrong. but one thing he knew was that he didn't want felix wasting his life trying to fix his. "i can't let you help me. felix you need to be happy. go be happy."

"you don't fucking get it! i'm not happy knowing that my bestfriend is fucking dying. hyunjin, you. are. dying. get the through your think skull. i can't have you die on me. not now, not soon." hyunjin flinched at the way felix had raised his voice.

nonetheless he ignored felixs words and continued what his thoughts wanted to hear, all while his body was tingling and feeling lighter by the second. "go be happy. do you have a boyfriend now? i bet you do, you were always the pretty one." he smiled but it seemed painful.

felix sniffled and gave up trying for the moment, now only wanting to feed into hyunjins questions since that's all the addict clearly wanted. "i do. but you're just as pretty jinnie. i know one day you'll find someone just like i did."

was it true though? hyunjin never thought about himself having a future with a significant other since nobody wanted anything to do with an addict that hasn't been a day sober in 5 years. "i don't think i will, but that's okay. occasional hookups will do for validation." he joked earning a small chuckle from felix, through the sniffle of course.

the freckled boy always knew hyunjin was the more experienced and experimental one out of them. for starters having lost his virginity at 15 when felix has only recently lost his and it was with someone he has been in a relationship for 4 years with. but that's what made them such compatible friends, they say opposites attract and that really did apply when it came to these two. "hyunjin, please i'm begging. just come home with me and-"

"felix no. i'm not going to bring my messy life into yours."

"but hyunjin i-" felix was suddenly disrupted by loud knocks on the bathroom door, followed by a familiar voice.

"felix?! baby are you okay? what's taking you so long in there?"

"shit" felix muttered under his breath.

"lix, who is that?" hyunjin worried as his bestfriend shot up from the floor and reached for the door.

"my boyfriend, now stay close to the wall and don't say a word." felix then opened the door just a crack to see changbin, who looked extremely worried, standing there. "hey babe, i'm so sorry i just need a few more minutes" he smiled convincingly but changbin was still confused as to what felix was even doing.

"would you like some medicine are you sick or someth-"

hyunjin unwillingly let and abrupt cough disrupt the conversation which ended in felix going wide eyed as he internally freaked out and tried covering it up with his own coughs.

"felix who the fuck are you in the bathroom with?" changbin sounded furious, his mind immediately thinking of what anyone would if their significant other was hiding the fact they had someone else in a bathroom with them. he felt guilty for doing so, but it seemed like the only possibility in his perspective at the moment.

"changbin it's no one, go back to the car."

"felix don't lie to me."

"i'm not lying."

changbin then forcefully opened the door and gasped when he saw hyunjin seated on the floor against the wall. "felix what the hell are you doing near him?"

"changbin he needs help! and i fucking miss him okay? it's been five whole fucking years and i just got to see him. so don't you dare tell me to get in the car and get mad at him or some stupid shit. im so tired of this stupid restraining order. i missed him so fucking much so please don't be mad at either of us." felix had been crying the whole time and hated seeing the two people he loved most like this.

"lix..." changbin walked inside the bathroom and wrapped his boyfriend in a hug. "i'm not mad, i'm sorry for worrying you."

"we need to help him...please changbin" felix pleaded. he wanted nothing more than to take hyunjin home and help him sober up. help him finally be happy again.

"felix we can't take him home if that's what you're thinking. the best way to help him is to take him back to his dorm and have a talk with his roommate or something."

"yeah felix, what your boyfriend said. i can't go home with you. and i wouldn't of you tried anyways." what hyunjin meant was, it was too risky for the both of them to have him around. he knew he was better off in his dorm even though that's not where he felt loved and at least an ounce of happiness like he did when he was around felix.

...

and that's what happened. changbin and felix took the risk of allowing the addict to get in their car so they could drive him back to campus and have a bit of talk with his roommate. it was for the best. felix finally somewhat accepted that hyunjin didn't want to interfere with his relationship and settled life.

so felix chose to do what he could from a distance, for now, because in the end this was for hyunjin.

seeing a his bestfriend after so long and seeing that little spark of motivation to be happy again in hyunjins eyes, this is what felix hoped would be the beginning of the addicts recovery to become healthy and happy again.

...

[a/n: messy chapter, i was unmotivated for the literal reason this book is being written. sobriety is just so hard to maintain some days:/]