addiction - hyunchan

thirteen

seungin focused chapter.

seungmin entered back into jeongins dorm and was immediately greeted with a giddy boy who engulfed him in a hug. seungmin smiled of course, he loved seeing his boyfriend happy like this, it was good to know he wasn't crying the whole time he was gone. "hey babe, what's got you so happy?"

jeongin laughed and dragged seungmin over onto the bed and pulled him down onto the mattress. jeongin crawled on top of the older and began kissing from jawline to his neck while speaking. "nothing. i'm just happy you're back 'cause i was thinking we could—" seungmin cut him off.

"jeongin can we talk?" he was serious. this was becoming an obsession it seemed like. although jeongin was able to keep his distance while in public or at night when he shared a dorm with chan, as soon as the two reached each other in private he would obsess over seungmin. tell him things like "you can't ever leave me" "please don't ever leave me" "i need you close to me" "let me show you how much i love you"

if it were without context, he would seem creepy. although, he was just a boy who'd never been given proper love and affection as a child and has now grown attached to the one person who can provide it for him.

jeongin felt as if he needed to show seungmin physical affection for him to stay. it made him feel as close as he possibly could with the older. he thought maybe if he participated in sexual actions with seungmin that it would show the older how much he was devoted to him, how much he care. he hope in that case, seungmin would feel the same.

"what do we need to talk about? a-are you okay?" he worried, if seungmin was upset or hurt, then so was he.

the older put his hands on jeongins sides to calm him. "i'm fine babe, i just need you to talk with me for a moment, okay?" seungmin rubbed the boys sides to calm him and earned a soft nod from jeongin who was skeptical towards the situation. "have you ever thought about different ways to display affection?"

"why? do you not like when we—"

"no no, jeongin i love it. don't get me wrong here please, i just wanted to ask because it's just a bit to much for me. sometimes i want some space and i can't always love you the way you want me to. it's tiring sometimes, you know?" seungmin watched as jeongin pressed his lips into a flat line to hold in his emotions.

"so no more?" he mumbled quietly.

"no babe, we still can. i just need some more space sometime."

jeongin shook his head so he wouldn't cry and leaned himself down until is face was buried in the crook of the tallers neck. "i just love you so much. i-i need you, you're so perfect and i don't want you to leave me. i just want to show you how much you mean to me."

seungmin sighed. this seemed to be going nowhere. so he wrapped his arms around the boy and hugged him close. "i'm not going to leave you babe, not ever. i just think maybe you should find a healthier way to show me your love." he didn't want to tell jeongin that he was being obsessive, but he did need to imply it at the least.

"i can't minnie, when we go out with friends my skin itches and i just need to touch you, show you how much you mean to me. i hate just standing there and pretending i don't want you in my arms. i hate it i hate it i hat—"

"babe calm down, i know you hate it but it's too much for me. you don't have to show me all this 'love' just for me to know you love me. babe, i know you do."

"but i only see you every once in a while since chan is my roommate and we don't have any classes together. i like doing these things with you because they make me feel closer to you." jeongin thought maybe seungmin had brought it up today because recently they've both been crashing in chan's dorm since he's been staying in hyunjins, he thought that maybe it was because only lately they've been spending a significant amount of time together.

"we've been sleeping together in the same bed for a few nights now jeongin, trust me, we're close. that's about as close as i can get to you." seungmin placed a kiss on the smallers head.

jeongin finally picked up his head that had been resting on seungmin shoulder, buried in the crook of his neck, and grabbed seungmins face to kiss him.

"no. jeongin, stop." seungmin nudged the boy off him. he hated to do that since jeongin was so sweet and caring and meant no harm with his excessive affection. but when they'd just had a long conversation about it and he immediately does what the elder asked him to take a break from, it was time to finally tell jeongin instead of ask.

"why?—"

"jeongin i asked you to give me space! i want the space, i feel overwhelmed and i'm exhausted! i love you, i really do but please. let me have some space!" seungmin raised his voice sternly for the first time he ever had to jeongin. of course he knew it wouldn't end well, the boy was sensitive, but he had to let him know the action he was partaking in was wrong to do.

the younger sat up and immediately got off of his boyfriend and headed straight for the bathroom. he felt nauseous, and it might have seen dramatic but he hated when people raised their voices at him. especially when it was the one person he cared about more than anything.

of course this had to do with past experiences for the boy, ones he'd rather never speak of.

seungmin ran after the boy, unfortunately by the time he reached the bathroom, the door was slammed in his face and locked shut. seungmin had never seen the boy react like this so he immediately began to knock on the door and ask for an entrance. "jeongin please. don't do this."

the only thing heard on the other side of the door that was soft cries.

"jeongin open up, please. i didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"go away!" is all jeongin was able to shout.

"i'm not going to leave until you open up this door."

"i thought you said you wanted space! i gave it to you."

"baby..."

...

"you're not hurting yourself are you?"

...

"jeongin don't do this again, i'm here for you, i love you. i love the affection you give me, it's a bit excessive but i still love you. and i will no matter what. it was wrong of me to shove you off me like that and raise my voice...please don't hurt yourself."

"i'm not. i just don't want to talk right now"

"can you come out then? i won't talk to you and i'll lay on chan's bed tonight—"

"no! i want you, i just don't want to talk" jeongin slowly opened the door and as per usual he clung onto seungmin right away. "just hold me, i'm sorry for pushing you to do things, but please let me be close."

seungmin guided them over to the bed and laid down with his boyfriend still in his arms. "i can do that, it's alright"

"just please don't yell at me again"

although the problem was never resolved, it had it one step closer to being fixed. that being realization of the problem.

everyone has some sort of addiction in their life, weather it's your favorite sweets or snack...or drugs and affection. this goes to show that addiction can be in any form, some are serious issues and some are healthy habits. as most addictions are caused by past trauma, such as jeongin and hyunjins, they addict will use their form of addiction as a way to escape the uncomfortable feeling the past has marked them with, otherwise known as a coping mechanism.