addiction - hyunchan

twenty-six

"jinnie!" felix said engulfing his best friends into a warming hug.

chan had left just moments before to make class before counted as tardy. now it was simply the addict, who was still solely in his boxers, and felix who was in need of seeing his best friend with some exciting news. "hey felix" hyunjin replied half heartedly. reason behind his unsure greeting was what he knew would come moments after they pulled out of the hug when felix saw the dozens of marks on his skin from the exclusive time he had in the car the night before. it's not that he was afraid felix would be upset, he was afraid of admitting to the action, especially because it was with chan of all people.

felix pulled away alarmingly indicating he was worried by the unenthusiastic tone in hyunjins voice. "jinnie what wro- oh my fuck!" he said noticing the hickeys scattering his friends body. "i-i um..who did this?"

hyunjin sighed and took a seat on the bed, scooting back to leave an open space for felix to lay in his lap. "you might want to lay down for this..." his tone was low and almost sad in a way, as if he was questioning his own decision to tell felix or not.

felix hesitantly crawled onto the bed and laid between hyunjins legs, the older boy instinctively wrapping his arms around the smaller. "...was it consensual?" felix asked worryingly, afraid that's why his best friend seemed in a slump.

"yeah," hyunjin took one deep breath before continuing. he wanted everything to come out at once; create a new slate for himself after admitting what he was going through and some previous events that he took part in. he needed felix to simply listen while he ranted. "so, this past week has been rough, but i'm feeling much better and i can't help but thank chan for being someone who was here to take care of me while i was sick, because truthfully he did a really good job doing so. i mean we get in fights here and there 'cause he can be a fucking asshole sometimes but for the most part he's been very sweet..." hyunjin noticed he was rambling maybe a bit more than he intended to, he took a deep sigh at decided to go strictly to the point.

he continued "you know what? fuck this. i cant be patient with my story when my fucking head is pulsing just thinking about how i fucked chan yesterday and liked it. now i don't know what to fucking do because i'm supposed to hate him!" hyunjin was nearly yelling the last words, simply wanting to get it over with to find felix reaction.

felix gasped aloud, the news was highly unexpected especially if you knew the past behind the two. "you what?!" he turned around to face hyunjin on his small twin sized mattress, a dramatic expression displayed upon his face. "hyunjin do you not remember what the hell that man did to you? he's the reason you're dying! it's his fucking fault, and you—you slept with him?!" he almost seemed disappointed, as if hyunjin was the one to stoop low by sleeping with the man who ruined his life, and well...felix was right, it was low of him. yet the reaction was unreasonably dramatic. hyunjin thought by now felix would be one to learn how to forgive and forget, but that seemed not to be the case.

"f-felix it's not that bad, he knows what he did was wrong and he even apologized..."

"what n-no! he pried into your life and ripped you away from everyone and everything you loved, all because he was selfish. i gave him the responsibility to take care of you since it was his fault you turned down that road. i prayed he would someday apologize, but i never expected you to forgive him so quickly."

"shut up! just shut the fuck up felix!" hyunjin said standing up off his bed out of anger. "he's not that person anymore!" he claimed.

"no hyunjin, he is and always will be that person-"

"that's not true!"

"yes it is!"

"what do you care for huh? he fucked up MY life, not yours! i can choose to forgive someone if i want and that is not a decision you can make for me." hyunjin slipped on his shoes and ran over to chans side of the room grabbing his car keys and attempted to run for the door. he was tired of this. tired of people telling him how he should feel just because they believe he's too intoxicated to know what his own feelings were. but he was sober now. this was not some pathetic life anymore where he needed to depend on other people to help him out, this was a restart of where he left off before he abused drugs in the first place.

tears were now uncontrollably rolling down the addicts face as he now felt betrayed by his one and only best friend. he wanted felix to be supportive and happy that he was finally moving on and finding someone else besides himself to rely on, unfortunately that didn't seem to be the case.

before hyunjin could make it to the door, felix grabbed his arm and restricted him from leaving. his own tears trailing down his face now as well. "jinnie your wrong, he hurt me too. he took you away from me and it fucking hurt! cant you see that i'm only trying to protect us? i just want to be happy with my best friend and i cant risk you guys getting in a fight. what will happen then huh? you'll resort back to drugs and this'll all happen over again. i cant let that happen. i'm sorry if i'm being selfish, but i love you too much to lose you like i did before. i'm scared hyunjin, i don't mean any harm." felixs voice was weak and full of sincerity. hyunjin immediately felt remorse for his own actions.

he paused for moment, now looking into the fearful eyes of the freckled boy. as much as he wanted to understand felix was only trying to keep him safe, he also didn't want to stop what he had going with chan, whatever it was. "i get that you want to protect us, but there's nothing to hide from. he has changed, and i'm not intoxicated anymore so i can see the sincerity when he tells me he cares. i finally feel safe around someone, happy around someone. i love you felix, but it's time i try to build a life again. i cant do that if i don't forgive the people willing to give me a second chance." despite hyunjins crush on his best friend, he knew there was room for moving on with that as well. felix was in a relationship and he himself had now found someone at least for sex and care. that was start.

"is this what you really want?" felix said slipping his head into hyunjins, intertwining their fingers.

"yes, and if it goes wrong please be there for me. this is all to painful to go through again."

felix smiled softly pulling hyunjin into a hug whispering about how he was proud of him for moving on. as much as he was being over protective, afraid chan may slip up and hurt hyunjin, he had to look at the bright side.

hyunjin was better now. sober, happier and able to legally able to see felix now that the restraining order was lifted.

...

"i'm back" chan said walking into the dorm, briefly glancing at the two boys on the bed scrolling through felix snapchat memories. "i brought you some food hyun" he stated, setting down the paper bag of food down on the males side table.

hyunjin glanced over at the eldest granting him a thank you and going back to being occupied with felix. he would eat the food once felix left so he could eat together with chan and figure out what was going on between them.

(a/n: fav artist and fav song by them? mines bryson tiller; sorrows or right my wrongs. but my gf and i hv been listening to "i don't mind" by usher a lot bc she's training to be a stripper [dw shes a legal adult lmao] plus it's catchy asl fr💀 -win)