addiction - hyunchan

thirty-nine

a bright light and faint chatter heard in the distance of the echoing room. a tingle to the point of limbs as the feeling of sleepiness was soon restored. hyunjin opened his eyes to the view of an off white painted wall, with the only thought of how in the world did he end up here? as more and more thoughts swarmed through his head as if a dam cracked and washed away the once dry land beneath, finally the everlasting name rang into his head. chan.

"chan-" someone said, but who? hyunjin believed in that moment it was all in his head, until the voice registered as felixs. that deep soothing voice he'd always known sounded so distressed. "hyunjin!" he heard his name this time, but it came from the one particular voice he'd longed for. although he had no recollection of how long it had been since he last saw chans face. which lee hyunjin wondering why, why had he been longing for chan. why did he feel as if he missed the elder when it seemed that only a few minutes ago they were...arriving at a party?

yeah, a party. but what happened at the party that caused him to bee so fucked up he was laying in a hospital bed? had he broken a bone? had he gotten alcohol poisoning? hyunjin was completely unaware of the situation and it didn't help that his whole body ached in an excruciating amount of pain.

"hyunjin!" he heard again, finally a face came into view for hyunjin himself could not turn his head before to see the face of the man who had been calling his name. with the view of chan in the corner of his eyes, hyunjin began to shed light tears in relief. despite not knowing what the situation was with himself, he was aware the elder was crying and it clearly was hyunjin that had caused the pain. "hyun, baby, i love you so much. h-how are you feeling?...felix i don't think he can hear me...hyun? you can hear me right?"

chan was in such a state of panic, leading hyunjin to wonder...was it really that bad? was he truly capable of scaring chan into a state of fear that deep? whatever the circumstances, hyunjin tried his hardest to make a move or speak up to let chan know he, in fact, could hear. so with that acknowledgment, hyunjin reached is right arm that was free from ivs unlike the left and reached for chan.

wait...

'i love you so much'

hyunjin hesitated to process these words as it was unbelievable that anyone could possibly love such a reckless human being. yet chan had proved him wrong for many things, including this. he was loved by someone he had yet to figure out his feelings for, but one thing he knew was despite chans multiple mistakes in the past, he was certainly the person who saved him from addiction. he truly had become the number one person hyunjin relied on weather that was known or not. they had even gone so far with one another, giving each other access to their bodies.

and with the realization of love being given to him by a person he had not realized was so special...so important to him, hyunjin had too fallen in love with chan.

"hyunjin if you can hear me..." chan started as the younger boy reached up resting his palm against chans cheek. "i just want to apologize, i'm sorry i let this happen to you and-"

"i-i love you t-too." hyunjin murmured. he couldn't let chan take the blame for him after all they had been through. and although hyunjin was still unaware of what had happened to him, he knew that at this point chan was simply taking the blame for all that the addict did wrong.

"y-you love me?" chan sniffled. "but i did this to you— i let you relapse and it's all my fucking fault that you overdosed. i should have never taken you to that party and i should have never let you out of my sight. i fucking ruined your life!"

"n-no!" hyunjin jolted up, hissing in pain. "please tell me i didn't— i didn't relapse. no no no, chan i can't go through this again, i—i can't-"

"i'm so sorry babe, i—i failed you and i-"

"stop saying that chan, stop blaming yourself for a mistake i made..." hyunjin cried, squeezing onto his gown as he struggled to catch his breath. he couldn't believe he had gotten so far into recover just to let it all go. chan never failed him, if anything hyunjin believed he had failed chan for promising to get better and relapsing behind his back. from what the boy had gathered in his few minutes awake, chan was not present when the relapse occurred, therefor hyunjin refused to blame the elder for being the cause. it was a party, they were both intoxicated and unaware of anything happening in the drunken moment. "i-i love you and i'm so glad you were able to save me but don't blame yourself channie. don't blame yourself...i just can't do this again...to you."

chan wiped his tears and brushed his hair out of his face. felix had brought the emotional elder a chair to sit down on a side the bed, but continued to stay out of the conversation for the best. "i'm so sorry it turned out this way..."

"chan stop, i-it's not something you should have to deal with..."

"but it is hyun-"

"no, i-it's not and—and i have to deal w-with my—my...problems a-alone this time." hyunjin started to cry harder as he began to explain to chan what was on his mind. "i-i can't put you through the st-stress again."

"no hyunjin i'll be by your side the whole time. i—i want to be there for you—"

"shut the fuck up and just listen to me! i-i'll go to a—a rehab center...yeah. that way there will be no way i can relapse until i'm better. then once i'm out, if you choose to wait for me, then we can be t-together again..." hyunjin reached over to chans hand and intertwined his fingers.

they both knew this wasn't a goodbye, but a farewell until next time. deep down chan knew this was the best option weather he chose to believe it or not. he knew hyunjin would do better off in a facility with professionals and no drugs what-so-ever. he knew that there would be real help in a center unlike the sex and weed chan had attempted to take hyunjins mind off heroin with. despite both of them knowing it was the right option, both males didn't want to believe it. hyunjin would choose chan over a rehab center any day, that's why he chose to go to the center. if that didn't make sense, look at it this way. hyunjin knew that if he went to the center, there was absolutely nothing that would stop him from being with the one person he craved for when he got out. but if he chose to stay with chan despite still being an addict, there was still the risk of relapse and other obstacles that would tear them apart until he would eventually be forced into rehab or worse.

so the two continued to talk, agreeing upon a certain rehabilitation center for addicts. hyunjin would spend one year in rehab and be released then if doing well. then finally, hopefully they could be together after all the fighting they had done.

(a/n: i coulda ended it here, but it's only the half way mark fellas😍)