addiction - hyunchan

seven

he didn't want help. he wanted an apology. it had been 2 days and hyunjin still hadn't returned to his dorm, not even once. the guilt was starting to take over chan, but every time it did he would push away the thought because "he's just an addict" and "he's not worth my time"

"channie?" jeongin spoke up. "are you awake?"

it was currently 1AM and both boys were up staring at what would be the ceiling if the darkness wasn't so thick in front of their eyes. "no, i can't sleep." he admitted.

"does it have to do with hyunjin?" the youngest was curious and deep down hoped that was the true reason keeping chan awake.

"yeah, it does. but i don't want to talk about it."

"i know, but he hasn't come back. i just hope he's okay."

"i'm sure he's fine, probably..." there was that guilt again. the one making him feel like maybe this was his fault. "this is your problem now" fed to the guilt even more. did seungmin really believe that chan was to take care of the problem, yes he did. but chan didn't want to believe that he needed to. he didn't want any more problems especially if they were affiliated with hyunjin.

"that probably is a big possibility. channie i don't want to be rude, but this is your problem and you really-"

"i know, jeongin i know. but you don't understand. it's- it's hard to try and want to help someone you've been so fixated on hating for the past five years. he thinks i'm the one that started the rumor he drugged me, and i'm not. some people would even ask me if he- he raped me but i know he didn't, it was consensual we were both just fucked up." the extreme remorse he felt for not only his own situation but hyunjins as well was getting to him through these words. it was the first time he'd ever said it out loud or even addressed the rape accusation situation, he only hoped that never got around to hyunjin because he would break if someone were to think he would do something of the sort.

"well chan, i still think that you need to let him know that it wasn't you and fix it. just like seungmin said, if you—someone who hates him—is willing to help, he might actually be able to get better." jeongin sighed, he knew his words probably wouldn't get through to the elder, but it was worth the try.

"yeah...goodnight jeongin i'll let you get some sleep" and like that, the room went silent. although jeongin assumed chan fell asleep that night, he was wrong. the elder stayed up until dawn thinking about what he had done and thinking of all of them possible ways to help hyunjin.

...

hyunjin sat on an old tattered couch in a studio apartment that belonged to one of his few dealers. he had just finished smoking and was now too far into a high to be thinking about his problems. "hey thanks for letting me stay again man. sorry if i was in the way or something." he began to lace up his favorite converse and pull the ends of his sweat pants overtop, ready to leave.

"yeah no problem"

hyunjin stood up and said his goodbyes before leaving the building, now out onto the busy mid-day streets of seoul. he wasn't sure if he wanted to go back yet and face the situation or not, so he chose to wander for a bit and stop somewhere to eat with the spare envelope money he had left since he hadn't eaten in a day or so.

he dragged his feet along the sidewalk, probably scraping the bottom of his shoes, but that wasn't something he was worried about. "food" he mumbled to himself while looking around for places that were cheap enough for him to afford. his vision eventually settled on a gas station about a quarter mile down the road and he then quickened his pace slightly, getting hungrier from the delicious aromas from various restaurants in the surrounding area and also the fact he had to use the restroom.

stepping inside the small store, he headed for the restroom which unfortunately was being occupied at the moment. hyunjin hated waiting, he felt impatient and would subconsciously pick and scratch at his skin, chew on the skin inside his cheeks and tap his feet. "come on" he muttered quietly under his breath impatiently waiting for the occupant to exit. as if it were an answer to his wish, he watched the door handle turn and a small petite figure rush out of the room. he seemed to be in a rush, so much so he bumped shoulders with hyunjin.

"i'm sorry!" the male exclaimed and turned around only to gasp.

hyunjin turned around, recognizing that familiar voice he hadn't heard in years. just as he thought, there stood felix with a worried expression plastered on his face.

"h-hyunjin..." he sounded almost disappointed. although, he wasn't disappointed in hyunjin, but in himself. to see the mess he partially caused, and wasn't there to fix after all these years, hurt him in a way he wasn't familiar with. he felt guilty.

as for hyunjin, he wasn't sure if felix wanted to see him or not, and the tone in his voice didn't help to oppose the idea. "felix i'm not allowed to be near you...you have to go."  he hung his head low, staring at his feel before turning around and heading into the bathroom. it hurt to see his best friend after so many years and have to avoid him due to law.

but felix couldn't let him go after all this time. before the taller could shut the door he slipped into the bathroom with hyunjin and immediately embraced him into the biggest hug he could physically give. "jinnie, i missed you so fucking much, please don't ignore me i just want to talk."

hyunjin wanted to return the hug, but for once did what's right with the law. he pushed felix off him and with a shaky voice replied. "felix you have to get out of here. if— if someone we knows sees us together i can get thrown in jail."

"hyunjin, nobody can see us right now, please don't push me away." tears were swelling up in felixs eyes, it began to worry hyunjin. so the older slowly opened his arms again for felix to fall into and hold him in a hug like they'd never shared before. it was warm and made him feel a sense of love he not only craved, but at this point needed.

"i won't push you away felix, because i never wanted to leave you in the first place."

...

(a/n: i'll continue this scene in the next chapter ofc)