The taxi came to a rough halt at the restaurant. We were parked outside a place called "James Martin," which happened to be British. It seemed super fancy, especially once we were inside. Right when we entered, I searched around desperately for Troye, almost as if I were craving him. I hadn't seen him in so long, so why did I have such a huge crush on him all of a sudden? Was it his hair? Or maybe his eyes? I don't know. To me, Troye and I looked relatively similar in many ways. If we told a stranger we were related I'd think they'd believe it. Tyler told me I was crazy when I said I thought Troye and I looked alike, maybe it was just me that thought this way.
Joe and Caspar talked to the lady at the front counter and she motioned for us to follow her. She took us to the backside of the restaurant. We had a huge booth, and seated in the booth already was Marcus, Niomi, Louise, Jim, Zoe, Alfie, Dan, Phil, Louis, and Troye.
All four of us took a seat in the booth. I sat right in front of Troye. Right as we sat down, we found ourselves standing back up to hug each other. First Marcus came to me, then Niomi, the Louise, and so on with the rest of them. Troye was the last to hug me, but we hugged for longer than anyone else. It felt so nice to finally see him. His eyes were even bluer than before, and his hair was quiffed, in my opinion, better than Tyler's hair. When we finally finished hugging, I sat back down and Tyler threw me a dirty smile. I stuck up my middle finger at him so that only he would notice it.
Troye had a pretty rude personality. Well, not so much rude as mean. He would make fun of you but you'd know he wouldn't mean it, although that was one thing I wasn't super into. I didn't like it when people criticized anything about me. Sometimes reading mean YouTube comments even makes me feel bad about myself. Although he had that trait in him, it didn't stop me from liking him. I was so happy to be here tonight at this dinner because I hadn't seen him in literal ages. He was so handsome. Gosh, he didn't even know I was gay, so he couldn't even like me back. I could feel myself tensing at the thought of coming out to him, and later on, telling him I liked him.
Dinner went on and I enjoyed having valuable conversations with these people I considered friends, in which the only place I would see them regularly would be online. I was hoping Troye would ask to get a ride with us after dinner, or come over to Caspar and Joe's apartment, wait no sorry I meant "flat". I honestly just wanted to curl up on the sofa with him and watch a movie and just have his arm around me, or the other way around, it doesn't really matter. I just want to be able to call him my boyfriend. I'm thinking way too ahead of myself though, god I really needed to tell everyone I was gay. Why am I so afraid of coming out? Was it because I wasn't sure if it actually was truly me? Well, I like Troye, so obviously I'm either gay or bisexual, but I've never really liked a girl.....I'm so confused. Now that I think about it, thinking is so weird. It's literally you talking to yourself in your brain. That's so impressive. It's like a way of talking to yourself with no one else knowing what your thinking. Like, I could look at someone and say stuff about them in my head, and they would never know I'm talking about them. Okay wait.....I'm getting off topic. Troye is sitting right in front of me. What do I do?
Louis turned to face me. "Hey we should do something totally insane while you're in the UK huh?"
"Yeah of course!"
"Awesome I'm glad you're up for it."
"So what are you planning on doing, skydiving?" I laughed because I thought what I had said was funny. He smiled and replied, "Nah man, I've already done that, something more fun." I felt a shocked expression coming, but I hid it. God, if he's already been skydiving he was probably gonna make me ride a shark or something. He smiled and turned away as Zoe called his name. I looked up and Troye was staring at me. We hadn't talked much all night. I started the conversation. "Tired?" Troye smiled and replied, "Just a little." I smiled, not showing teeth, and he did the same. There was an aura of awkwardness. I breathed in and out heavily and started a new conversation, since the other one seemed to be failing. "So," I started, "When's your next song coming out?"
"Soon enough."
"I'd like a set date so I can put it on my calendar and count down the days on Instagram."
"Ha, have fun trying to figure that out."
"At least tell me the name so I can pre-order it on iTunes."
"I can't tell you." He was really smiling. God, his smile. "Alright, well then, let me know right when it comes out."
"You'll be the first one I'll call."
"Looking forward to it." We both breathed heavily, and I thought that it was the end of the conversation, but he spoke again. "So I was talking to Tyler the other day," I was shocked at the words that had just come out of his mouth. Had Tyler told him I was gay? Crap. "He told me that you were going through something difficult, but he wouldn't tell me what was wrong." Our eyes were locked on each other. "Oh." I really wanted to tell him the truth, here and now. "Yeah um, I was just feeling a bit down, and told Tyler about this secret I had, and he helped me through it........I guess."
"If you don't mind, is it okay if you told me about it?
"Um.......I don't know if now is the right time."
"It was just kind of bothering me that Tyler was keeping secrets from me......." I felt myself turn red. Why'd he care so much if Tyler had one secret that he didn't tell Troye? Did Troye have a crush on Tyler? "Why does it bother you that Tyler may have a secret he hasn't told you?"
"Because he's my best friend, we used to tell each other everything." I never knew that Tyler and Troye were so close. I wanted this conversation to end, and I wished I hadn't even started it. "Um," Troye looked like he was going to explode if I didn't tell him. "Troye....." I looked around at the others at the table. They were all smiling, laughing, and just having a good time. I on the other hand, was having the most nerve-wracking experience. I looked back at Troye and he raised his eyebrows as if to question. Not only my face, but my whole body was tensing and turning red. My hands and underarms were getting sweaty and I felt horrible. I started to speak again, "Troye..........."
"Yes?"
".....................I'm gay."
