It had been a week since Connor left, and more than anything I was worried. Are we broken up? It's not really clear, although I think that's what he meant. Connor and I hadn't texted or interacted in any way since he left.
Blessing left last night, and though he was one of my best friends, I was happy to have a break from him.
When I found the beanie on the guest room bed I wished I would've apologized to him more. Given him hugs. Told him I loved him. And damn, I didn't even say bye. 'I'm such an ass. Anyone would've been mad if they saw someone kissing their boyfriend and seeing that their boyfriend made no effort to push them away.' The thoughts were overpowering.
My family probably knew there was something wrong with Connor and I, which is why my day was pretty silent until dinner. I would walk through my house and make eye contact with Tyde or Sage, and they would just look away. 'I'm sorry, Connor.'
But maybe this was good. For now, at least. I was going to be going on tour, and I would miss Connor way too much. Though the tour started in Los Angeles, I wouldn't see him for a while after that. But my mind was constantly stuck on two thoughts:
I miss him.
I'm going to be okay.
I miss him.
I'm going to be okay.
I miss him,
but I'm going to be okay.
I considered wearing a rubber band around my wrist to sting myself every time I thought about Connor, but I also thought it was healthy to let out the emotions.
Tonight we were going out for dinner with some family friends. I hadn't seen this family in years. I remembered that the parents had a son around my age, though I couldn't remember his name. I guess I'll find out tonight.
Soon enough, after a day of tears and feeling down, it was dinner time.
I felt like trash, so I figured I should dress like trash. I wore a baggy white shirt with some semi-torn jeans and tennis shoes. My hair dropped over my forehead, as if it were sad. A better word would be depressed, but I think that was me in general, not just my hair.
While we were driving to the restaurant my parents turned on the radio in the car, but there was no song that was fitting enough to help me right now. I rolled down my window and allowed the wind to make my hair look worse.
Sage didn't come along because she was staying at a friend's house, and Tyde just didn't want to go, but he came anyway. Steele didn't argue and went along with us.
When we arrived at the restaurant, the person at the front took us to our table. The restaurant was huge and extremely fancy. It reminded me of when I went to that fancy restaurant in the UK. 'Wow,' I thought, 'I'm underdressed.'
We were brought to a large round table with a white table cloth, five seats reserved, and three seats filled. Two parents, one son. I fixed my eyes on the son and looked him up and down, but quickly broke away from looking at him. He was a good looking guy.
My family filled up the five available seats after we shook hands and hugged and all of that good stuff. It was silent for a while until we ordered our food. The adults mingled amongst themselves for around fifteen minutes as I constantly glanced over at Jacob. I knew he had been looking at me, and he knew I had been looking at him. I looked over at Tyde, who was oblivious as to what was going on. He was hiding his phone under the table and texting someone. Steele was talking with the adults. 'Damn this is so awkward.' I said to myself. The waiter brought the food to our table.
"Troye!" Jacob's dad began to speak to me. I did my best to make eye contact with him, looking around the waiter's arms. "Do you remember Jacob?"
'Jacob,' I thought 'His name is Jacob.'
"Uh yeah......yeah I do."
"He's been pretty excited to see you."
"Dad, stop." Jacob insisted jokingly. I'd only just now noticed his eyes. 'Greenish.' I thought to myself. He had a nice voice too. "You have a great album." Jacob said to me. "Oh thanks. Yeah I've worked really hard on it." The waiter left the table.
"I'm sure you're amazing live."
"He is." My dad butted into the conversation while nudging me with his elbow and getting his utensils ready to start eating.
"You should come to one of his shows." My mom added, smirking. "Why not just come on tour with us?"
I clenched my right hand into a fist under the table and bit my lip.
Did my dad seriously just say that? This is unreal. He's got to be joking. There's no wa-
"Really?" Jacob asked my dad, interrupting my thought. "I mean why not? We have extra room on the bus, and you and Troye can get to know each other again. I don't see an issue."
I do.
I see an issue.
"I mean, that'd be awesome! I'd love to."
This can't get worse. "Okay, then it's settled. Jacob's coming on tour with us. I mean, as long as your parents are okay with it."
'Dad, please stop.' I said in my head. I clenched my fist tighter.
"I think that'll be alright. It's a once in a lifetime thing." His dad responded.
"Awesome." Jacob said as he leaned back in his chair, throwing me a smirk. I broke my hand from a fist and relaxed it.
'Green eyes.' I thought.
'Connor has those too.'
