Months passed, as well as VidCon, and I was alone in my apartment once again.
Troye had gone back to Perth for a while to see his family, and also to begin his America tour. The Blue Neighbourhood trilogy was posted on YouTube, and the fanbase did nothing but love it. I was so proud of him, Troye was really killing it.
I'd gone on tour with him for part of it. I went with him when he went to different countries, but I found myself too busy to see him while he was in America touring. Besides, he was with his dad, they probably wanted to spend some time together.
When he left, I was sad at first, but then I felt like I was over it. I wasn't.
The feeling of loneliness always found it's way back to me. I wasn't possessive over Troye, and it wasn't like we always had to be together all the time, but it had been well over two weeks since I'd seen him. I missed going on little coffee dates with him, and I missed making little homes out of three star hotels.
The obvious fact is, I'm so in love with him. The thought of him leaving, and me not knowing when I'll be able to see him again in person was a nightmare to me. I missed him so much. He really does complete me.
I didn't think being lovesick was actually a thing, but it was. Feelings are so difficult. Love is a feeling. Happiness is a feeling. Anger is a feeling. Sadness is a feeling. I thought I was over the sadness, and I guess I was for a while, I thought it was completely gone, and then it came back. But I guess feelings that come back are just feelings that never went away. It's pretty complicated.
Right now, I was sprawled out in bed. The blankets were over my belly button and below. My phone rested face down on my chest, still connected to the charger. I was too mentally exhausted to get up to even make coffee. My body literally felt like one giant weight. Love was like a disease. I recover when Troye is around, and relapse when he's away.
After a while I realized how cold my phone actually was on my chest. I lifted it up to find that Troye had texted me. It read, "Connor, I've never felt more empty than right now and I wish you were with me. I miss you. I hope you miss me too, because I'd be going insane right now if I knew you hadn't been thinking about me at all. I love you, Con." My arms felt light again as I lifted my hands up to my phone keyboard to reply. "I've been thinking about you too much, you're driving me wild. You're never not in my mind, you're driving me wild. I miss you, please come back :("
I waited for a minute before seeing the "typing bubble" pop up. He was replying. I smiled stupidly to myself. "Maybe I will come back."
"When????????"
"Soon ;)" That god damn word that he loved so much. I furrowed my eyebrows to myself. "Okay" I typed back. "I'll be waiting :)"
Love is a sickness. Love is a disease. Love is happiness. Love is sadness. Love is anger. Love is contagious. Love is frustration. Love is confusion. Love is tiring. Love is pain. Love is frightening. Love is overwhelming. Love is a mystery. Love is love.
