I had a dream that night, and it was slightly frightening. I dreamed about losing a friend, not them passing away, but letting that friend walk out of my life, and not wanting them to walk back in, ever. There was a face. I couldn't exactly remember the face I had seen in my dream, but it was a familiar face. It was a face I'd seen several times. It was a face I'd collaborated with often. It was a face I'd shared a surplus of smiles with. Maybe the dream was frightening because it was actually happening in real life. It was a face I didn't want to lose.
When I woke up at nine a.m., my eyes shot open. I was holding Troye in my arms, and he was still deep asleep. Carefully, I tried to peel myself away from him and get out of bed without waking him up. I unplugged my phone from the charger and noticed a text from Tyler. I went to my settings and turned off "Read Receipts" before opening the message. "Connor," My eyes burned at the sight of the first part of the text. It was going to be a long paragraph.
I finally brought myself to drag my eyes along the rest of the text.
"I'm so, so, so deeply sorry about everything. I hate having to ignore you, but I feel like you really don't want anything to have to do with me. I don't want to further upset you. Look, you and Troye, you guys are perfect. I've seen the two of you together, and I'm so happy that two of my best friends love each other so much. I'm happy for you guys, I really am. I was just really afraid that you guys would get too close and leave me out all the time, you know? And it's kind of exactly what happened, although, much worse.
I don't want to interfere with your guys' relationship, but losing the friendship I have with you and Troye is already killing me. Troye doesn't seem to be as upset as you are with me, which is why I'm sending this to you. You have every right to be upset with me. I always try to make everything about me. It's my fault.
I hate doing this over text, so I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime and catch up. I miss talking to you. You're still one of my best friends, even though I may not be one of yours. Respond whenever you get time. -Tyler "
My eyes were burning before, but now they were really burning. The face. It was Tyler. And though he was a jerk to me, I didn't want to lose him either. I decided to type a reply. Unsure of how to approach the beginning of the message, I typed, and then immediately erased what I had typed. If Tyler were watching his screen waiting for me to reply, he would see the speech bubble popping up and disappearing constantly.
After a while of deciding how to reply, I figured out a way to get all of my thoughts out. I even tried to add a little bit of a joke at the end so it wasn't completely awkward.
"Hey Tyler, I'm sorry too, I was mean as well. I definitely don't want to lose you as a friend. I'd love to hang out and catch up sometime. Maybe we can go for a hike or something...? Hiking is pretty relaxing and a great way to get in some exercise. I don't know, let me know what you think. We can plan further details later.
P.S. I followed you back on Instagram :) "
I hit send and placed my phone back onto my bedside table to hear Troye yawn and stretch, asking who I had been texting so much. "Oh, you're up." I said to him. "Yeah, I was actually texting Tyler."
"What?"
"Yeah...I guess we're both trying to fix things."
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Hi everyone, sorry for the lack of updates, I've been quite ill for the past couple of days. I woke up with a fever this morning and almost got my computer taken away, but luckily I hid it >:)
Thanks for all of the engagement and support as always! You're all amazing :) xxx
