When I woke up in the morning, I'd realized that I'd fallen asleep on the couch. No one else was around when I sat up and looked around, so I got the remote and pushed the power button, turning the TV off. I was confused for a second, and then realized that I had left the TV on while I was asleep. 'Shoot', I thought. I'd left the TV on all night. I accidentally hit a button on the remote and Joe's YouTube account pulled up. "Oh crap." I said out loud. The search history and watch history were on his account. I needed to delete it. I wasn't completely sure how to do that using the remote, but I'd figured that it wasn't that hard to do. I just needed to be cautious of how loud I was being. I didn't wanna wake anyone up. My fingers played around with the remote for a bit, but right as I got to the history, "Good morning Connor!" I turn around to see Joe walking towards the sofa. I quickly pushed the power button on the remote, turning the TV off. "Good morning Joe." I knew how fake and guilty my smile looked to him. "What are you trying to do?" he took the remote from me politely. My face turned red. "I was trying to delete the watch history."
"What did you watch, porn?"
"No."
"Then what did you watch?" I looked at him directly in the eyes. Joe broke eye contact and turned the TV back on. "Okay.......so you were watching all of Troye's videos." Joe looked at me, slightly confused. I looked down at my hands that were laying in my lap. "Are you alright Connor?" I wasn't entirely sure how to respond to Joe because I wasn't okay. I had a problem. A boy problem. But this was all so stupid. I liked someone who I hadn't seen in so long and that I barely knew! I thought about this all the time, but I just never told anyone, I decided to tell Joe. "Okay so no, I'm not alright." Joe cocked his head to the right and I saw the worry in his eyes. "What's wrong?"
"I like Troye, I like him a lot. I haven't seen him in so long, but I like him. And I'm not even sure if this is normal because it's never happened to me before. I just remember seeing him at Vidcon everytime I go, and that's become one of the biggest things I look forward to just because I know he's gonna be there. Troye and I aren't really even that close. There's so much I don't know about him, but that I would like to know. It drives me insane every second of everyday, and I just wonder if he feels the same way. Last night, he was the reason why I told all of you about me being gay. It felt nice letting all of you know, because this was something that just couldn't be a secret from my friends anymore. I'm just......there's just.......there's so much going on right now and I can't process it all. And also, I think that Tyler likes Troye, and that Troye likes Tyler and it upsets me so much because I've had a crush on him for longer than ever, and Tyler just comes along and gets so close to him." Joe looks at me intensely, reading every detail on my face, trying to take in everything I had just said. "Oh." Joe had looked like I'd just yelled at him. My face continued to redden and I was fighting back tears. Joe ran his hand through his hair. "It's going to be okay." Moments after those words escaped his mouth, the first tear drop fell. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me not to worry about it too much. "Connor, trust me, I understand. I've had situations with girls that have really stressed me out, but you can't let this break you down." I tried to avoid eye contact with him, but that didn't last for long because he then said, "Look at me." I looked up, tears falling fast. "You like Troye, you don't know if Troye likes you. You think about him a lot, you don't know if he thinks about you at all. You obsess over him, you don't know if he obsessed over you. You remember every word he says to you, you don't know if he remembers every word you say to him. You want to see him, you don't know if he wants to see you. You love him, you don't know if he loves you." I look up at him and respond, "Exactly." He smiles and we laugh it off the best we can for now. "Is there anything you need?" Joe asks me. "No, I'm good."
"Alright."
"Wait actually, one thing."
"Yeah?"
"Can you delete the watch history?"
