It was warm here in Tyler's house. We had just been out earlier having an awesome day, and it had finally been coming to a close. Tyler and I were sitting on his sofa and staring blankly into the TV screen.
"Tyler," I look over at Tyler who seems to be extremely comfortable at the opposite end of the couch.
"What Connor?"
"I'm craving a PSL."
Tyler began to laugh and the contagiousness of it spread onto me as I began to smile. Tyler threw the remote at me and it hit my ankle. "Shut up," he said, still faintly grinning. And then it came to me.......sitting with your friend late at night, and wanting to tell them everything that had been concerning you, or worried you. I knew I had a secret that was building up inside of me for so long, but I couldn't find a way to get it out. "Can you keep a secret?" My eyes widened at the words that had just come out of my mouth. I felt my mouth go dry. "Hm?" Tyler looked over at me again. The nervousness was building up inside of me, I could feel my face turning red. "Ty-", I paused, "Tyler...."
"Connor, you're completely red, are you okay?"
"Yeah........"
"Are you trying to tell me something?"
"Yeah, it jus-t......." My speech was coming out in separate parts.
"Connor what's going on?" I could definitely tell that Tyler felt as if something was wrong. His eyes locked onto mine, and they weren't unlocking until he got an answer. "I- I have a secret."
"Connor, I trust you, can't you trust me?"
"Yeah it's just that...................this is a really big secret..........."
Tyler's head cocked slightly to the right and he projected a confused expression across his face. I looked away from him, but still felt his eyes looking my direction. "Connor, what is it?" I was desperately trying to avoid eye contact. "There's someone who-"
"YOU LIKE SOMEONE?" Tyler had cut me off. "I mean, I guess.."
"OH MY GOD!"
"Yeah...."
"IS SHE PRETTIER THAN ME? Haha that'd be a surprise."
"It's not a girl...."
Tyler's enthusiasm faded. The room fell silent, I couldn't even hear the TV in the background anymore. "Tyler........I'm gay..."
"Cool."
"What?"
"I mean, I'm not gonna treat you differently or anything.....you're gay, so what?" This thing I had held inside of me for most of my life, this thing I had been hiding, hadn't been a big deal? Tyler smiled. "So are you gonna tell me who you like or what?"
"So this isn't a big deal to you?"
"Connor, it's just a part of you, not all of you."
"I guess so."
"And I'm gay too! We can go out and look for hot guys together now!" I laughed a little bit and Tyler looked away. "Okay, so who's this person you like?"
"Troye..."
"Sivan?"
"Yeah, and I think he likes me but I don't know."
"Well, he doesn't even know you're gay. You should come out to him."
"Yeah, I know, but what if he doesn't even like me."
"You wouldn't know if you won't try."
"Do you think fans would be mad if we dated and Troyler ends?"
"Connor, people would probably still ship Troye and my friendship."
"Yeah......I guess."
"Does it make you mad when people ship Troyler?"
"No........maybe..."
"Don't let it make you mad."
"I know.....I just needed some advice I guess, I feel like I'm always telling people to be themselves online, but I never am myself. You're the first person I've ever come out to, Tyler."
"Well, don't let me be the last, you need to tell others, like maybe your family."
"Yeah I know...........I just don't know what they'll think."
"Family supports family no matter what." Tyler really seemed to be enjoying this conversation. I wanted to end it before it got too in depth. It wasn't a big deal to him, so it shouldn't be a big deal to me. Tyler always knows how to make me comfortable with myself.
