Carrie was okay I guess, I mean it wasn't that scary, so I guess Joe was right. The jump scares weren't that great and I'm pretty sure I only liked the movie because of Ansel. But the main thing is, I HELD TROYE SIVAN'S HAND. I could sense that Troye and I were getting closer to each other on the sofa gradually, but I did not think that we were going to hold hands. 'Wow Connor,' I thought, 'you're twenty two years old and you're getting excited because you held hands with someone and actually felt something.' It was a big deal for me though. Troye was the first person I felt an actual connection with. When we were sitting together, Troye pulled the classic "I'm 'scared' so I'm going to put my hand next to yours so you obviously know that I'd be interested if you held it." I guess it worked, well- it did work.
After the movie, Caspar offered to blow up an air mattress for Troye, but Troye said that he'd be just fine sleeping on the sofa. So, Tyler and I went back to the guest room. I looked around for my suitcase but I couldn't find it. I wanted to find my toothbrush so I could brush my teeth. "Tyler, have you seen my suitcase?"
".............No."
"Oh okay." I then spotted it under my bed. "Oh! There it is."
"Cool."
"Are you okay Tyler? You seem upset....."
"Yeah, I am upset actually." I lifted my suitcase onto the bed and turned to face Tyler. It was as if our faces were frozen. 'God if I had a penny for every awkward moment,' I thought 'I'd be so rich.'
"Oh.......you are?"
"Yeah Connor, that's what I just said."
"Um....oh....okay.....is it something I said? Or something I did?"
"I guess you could say that you're a contributor."
"Oh......"
"Yep."
"What'd I do..?"
"Look, I saw you holding Troye's hand."
"Oh, you did? Yeah, I think he likes me." I blushed a little bit.
"Yeah, me too."
"So........"
"So, I'm kind of upset about it."
"What?"
"Don't act like you didn't hear me."
"Tyler, I thought you were happy that I had feelings for Troye."
"I thought I was too, but Connor, what you're not understanding is that feelings don't go away."
"Wait, you've liked Troye before?"
"......."
"Tyler."
"Am I not allowed to have liked him?"
"I didn't say that! I'm just shocked that you didn't tell me this!" I couldn't tell whether I was disappointed or angry.
"Well, oops."
"I can't believe we're actually having this conversation right now. Tyler, we're fighting over a boy."
"Okay well friends fight alright?"
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"Because I didn't think you actually meant it."
"What do you mean?"
"Crushes don't usually last Connor, and you're not the type of person to go for what you want. I didn't think things would go further than they already were with you and Troye." At that point, right after those words came out of Tyler's mouth, he could tell that I was hurt. "Connor-" I felt Tyler try to apologize, but I didn't want to accept it, so I didn't let him. I turned away from him, and faced my suitcase. I lifted it up and put it back underneath my bed, and turned off the lights. I didn't feel like brushing my teeth. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I felt like going to sleep, and also unfollowing Tyler on Instagram. I laid down in the bed and pulled the bedsheets over myself. Tyler was still sitting up on his bed looking over at me. "Good night...." he said without certainty. "I wish it was." I responded quietly, but loud enough for him to hear.
I just spent the time I laid in bed thinking. I thought about that night on the sofa with Tyler and how I came out to him. I thought about how he seemed so supportive about me liking Troye. I thought about the text he sent me the morning of our flight to the UK. I thought about Troye and how he held my hand. I thought about how he squeezed my hand every time something scary popped up on the screen. I thought about how I rubbed my thumb against his hand to comfort him. I thought about asking out Troye, or asking him to be my boyfriend. I thought about how if I didn't act fast, this whole thing with Tyler might turn into one big messy love triangle.
