I woke up and got out of bed without even glancing over at Tyler, who also happened to be getting up and the exact same time. 'He ruined what would've been the most perfect kiss.' I thought. 'Attention whore.' I joined Joe, Caspar, and Troye at the breakfast table.
When I re-entered the guest room, Tyler was no longer in there. Joe then came in the room, "Hey Con,"
"Oh hey Joe."
"Everything alright?"
"Yeah, where's Tyler?"
"Oh he's in the shower."
"Oh okay alright."
"Alright so you're good then?"
"Yeah."
"Okay cool just checking in."
"M'kay."
I pulled out my Mac from my suitcase and pulled up Final Cut Pro again to continue editing my video. I'd recorded it so long ago. 'Coming Out.' I thought. 'Should I name it something different? No. It has to be raw, real, it can't be falsely named.' I was having a conversation with myself in my head. It was like a constant war in my mind. I would think of something, and then quickly tell myself that what I was previously thinking was not okay. It's kind of become a bit of a problem. As I was having this internal war with myself, Troye came in the guest room. I looked up to him. God he was tall. "Hey Troye."
"Con, what're you up to?"
"Just trying to edit this video."
"Oh, still?" Troye said as he sat on the opposite end of the bed putting his legs on the side of my head. 'Just like last time.' I thought.
"Yeah, I just can't bring myself to edit it. I'm not really sure how to approach this one."
"Let me see."
"Um.......it's kind of a personal one." I pulled my laptop slightly closer to myself.
"Connor."
I loved the way Troye said my name. Because of his slight accent, it sounded more like he was saying "Connah" rather than "Connor". But it was cute, so I never mentioned anything about it. I rolled my eyes, smiling, and turned my laptop to face him.
"Coming out?" Troye sounded shocked.
"Yeah."
"Okay yeah I totally understand where you're coming from. This was my hardest video to edit too."
"It's just that most of my videos are so positive, and I always seem so happy, but in this video I even think there's a point where I cry."
"Connor, it's okay." I smiled a little. 'Connah.' I said in my head.
"But yeah, so I'm just a little........scared......I guess."
"It's a hard thing to do."
"I just don't want anything to change, you know? I have such a good connection with my audience. What if they hate me for this? You know teenage girls." Troye laughed and kicked me softly with his foot. "I'm sure that if your fans are loyal, they'll support you no matter what. Even teenage girls." I turned the laptop back to face me. "I mean-" Troye started to talk again, "I know you're hot and everything," I started laughing really hard, and Troye did too. "but they'll still love you. Because straight, gay, bi, or trans, you're still hot." I was laughing so hard. "What about my personality?" Troye laughed. "Oh yeah, and that too." I kicked him softly with my foot. "Okay but seriously," I said, "I really need to edit this video, I just don't know how. I usually cry every time I try to edit it." Troye made direct eye contact with me. "I've never seen you cry, so this will be new."
"Troye."
"Okay, okay, sorry." I grinned and motioned for him to come on the opposite side of the bed with me. "I need you to help me edit this one."
"No problem."
"Okay."
"I can make you a thumbnail. Here, I'll go get my Mac, you just hang out for a sec."
"Alright." Troye crawled over me and off of the bed and exited the guest room. When Troye left, I thought about Tyler. He hadn't been back for a while. 'He's probably just with Caspar or Joe.' I thought.
Troye came back, hugging his Mac with two arms. 'He's so cute.' I thought. He crawled back over me to the other side of the bed and started up his computer. I spent the next few hours crying and editing, while Troye spent the hours comforting and editing. When the video was finished being edited, Troye and I re-watched it. We both cried. "Connor, you're ready for this. You'll be alright. I promise." I nodded and leaned back against the headboard on the bed. Troye stretched out his arms for a hug, I hugged him back while drenching his shoulder in tears. I really needed that hug. "Thanks Troye."
"No problem, Connor." I tried to smile even the slightest bit, 'Connah'.
