Chase Me

Chapter 44

Ten years ago...

Funny how people describe life as cruel but they still pursue living. Like why do people strive, work and fight to live everyday if in the end, they'll eventually die and leave all the things they worked hard for?

Life is solely nonsense. Living is nonsense.

"Your 19th birthday is getting near, Azrael. What are your plans for your birthday, son?" His father asked one night in the middle of their dinner.

He halted for a moment and looked at Hernando Salazar. The way he asked him sounds so fatherly, like he's glad he got another year to live.

Like his birthday was the greatest day they should be looking for.

He silently put down his utensils and hid his balling fist under the table.

"Let's throw a pool party, Kuya!" Excited na suhestyon ni Hanzo, kapatid niya sa ama.

"Patty patty!" Geraldo, his 5 year old half brother, agreed happily. Masuyong tumawa si Selene sa reaksyon ng anak habang pinupunasan ang gilid ng bibig nito.

"That's a good idea Hanzo but it's your brother's day so he'll be the one to decide." Nakangiting saad ni Hernando at muling bumaling sa kan'ya.

"What do you want for your birthday, young man?" He looked straight at his father's eyes.

'To die.'

"I don't have one." He answered instead after a few seconds.

"Then I'll help you, Kuya. Pool party with our friends will be a lot of fun, what do you think?" Masayang asik ni Hanzo.

He secretly scowled. Hanzo is a total opposite of him. Always smiling like an idiot, outgoing.. unproblematic. And Azrael hates him for that.

"Do whatever you want." Walang reaksyong aniya at tumuloy sa pagkain.

"Sabi mo yan ah!" Hanzo flashed a wide delighted smile.

'Idiot'

He remained silent while his father's family continued to chit- chat. He forced himself to focus on his food and ignore them, like what he always do.

But also, he always failed to play deaf. In this house, he can ignore all of them but he can't stop himself from listening.  He won't look because seeing them together triggers him, he doesn't listen so he could not hear how happy they were but their laughs and happy talks keep on invading his ears. Adding up another fuel of pain and madness to his heart.

Araw- araw niyang nakikita kung gaano nila mahalin at alagaan ang isa't isa. He witnessed how Selene took care of her sons, how Hernando would play with them and how this couple loved to dance romantically every night. They are an exact picture of a perfect family.

And him? He's merely an outsider living in this mansion.

They tried to pull him in, treating him like a family. But however they tried, he would refused, isolate himself away. Kasi hindi naman sila nakakatulong. Hindi niya sila kailangan.

Each one of them is bullshit, he himself is bullshit. They keep doing shits; bonding days, talking stuffs, expressing a love crap to one another.

While his only role here was to be an audience, a watcher. While they laugh together he would taste a bittersweet of pain.

Like the depth of an ocean, the amount of pain was beyond reach. At habang patuloy siyang nalulunod, mas lumalalim ang sakit sa kan'yang puso. In his whole existence, he was just there, drowning. Alone.