And We're All Falling

The Most Ugly Word

        Della took a deep breath and stepped into the room after North. A tiny girl was sitting on the hospital bed, smile big on her face. North was sitting beside her, giving Della a look that said to be good. She smiled back to the girl and gave her a small wave.

"Hello. I'm Della," she greeted.

"Hello! My name is Josie!" she greeted back cheerfully, smile getting even bigger.

"Nice to meet you Josie," Della replied, seeing a nod of approval from North. "So, is North a pretty good nurse?"

"The best! He doesn't try and stick needles in me as often as Miss Heather does," she replied.

"Well today, you do have to get a shot," North sighed, frowning.

"Why? I thought my cancer was gone?" Josie asked.

Della almost choked.

"What?" she sputtered.

"Oh! I have cancer. But it's okay because North says I'm getting better every day," the girl replied, swinging her legs back and forth while North went over to the medical cart.

"Wh-What kind?" Della asked.

"I dunno. It has some big name that I can't pronounce," Josie replied.

"It doesn't matter though because you're going to beat it!" North cheered.

Josie laughed and then looked back to Della.

"Miss Della? You don't look like you feel very good."

        North whipped around. Della had gone ghostly pale, grabbing onto the rail of the bed with a tight grip. He could see the fear in her eyes; Josie's cancer-talk had triggered some memory for her and by the looks of it, it wasn't good.

"Della? Hey, breathe, okay? Here, sit down," he said softly, walking toward her.

        She brushed past him quickly, narrowly escaping the grasp of his hand. Everything seemed to blur together as she pushed her way into the elevator. North's form running toward the closing doors almost caused her to stop, but then again, she could hardly make sense of what she was seeing.

        Once the doors opened up on the main floor, she rushed outside. The air on her skin was welcoming. As soon as she saw a spare bench, she practically collapsed onto it. The second she felt herself on the bench, she burst into tears.

        It wasn't fair to Josie. She was sweet and innocent. Why did something as stupid as cancer, as dangerous as cancer have to get to her? She didn't deserve to have a life in that hospital, waiting for death. It was almost like...

No

        Della was not going to think about that. That was the last thing she needed. She was already a sobbing mess. She didn't need any other reasons to cry.

"Della, shh."

        The touch of North registered in her head. She hardly moved, instead just kept sobbing at the thought of that ugly, ugly word. 

Cancer

"I didn't mean for it to make you upset. I should've known you weren't ready yet."

No, she wasn't ready.

She never would be.