And We're All Falling

Filtered Through

"Okay...now that we're here, what is 'so much else'?"

Della laughed slightly as the lights flickered on. Back at the cafe, she told Wash that he wasn't going to get anything else out of her after she partially spilled her story. Instead, they ate and talked about other things. Like the weather. And sports. Adult conversation.

During their entire conversation, she could tell that Wash was practically spilling over with anticipation for the reveal of the rest of her backstory. Even though she promised to tell him, the story was a mess of words and phrases that didn't stick together in her head. He figured out quickly that she was trying to process information as quick as it came to her (repeating questions was common throughout the meal).

But he didn't really care. All he cared about was that she actually was able to talk to him without having to call North or panic. Sure, he was kicking himself because the more he was around her, the more he liked her, but it didn't matter. He was there and North wasn't. Della needed a friend to confide to who wasn't going to try to fix her immediately if she clearly didn't want to be fixed. And Wash was going to be that friend. After all, people say they marry their best friend right?

Keep it together, Wash. She's still with North. And she may very well stay there....

"There are years and years of things to tell you, Wash," she called, admiring a stall that held a sturdy brown colt.

Yes, she'd brought him to the stables. No, she was not copying her and North's date. Is she sure? No, of course not.

"And?" he asked, coaxing her to continue.

She sighed deeply, head falling slightly downward.

"It's like my brain had all these neatly solved jigsaw puzzles that spelled out what exactly happened to me and now there's a tornado whirling through them. I don't know how to fit everything together or what to say and I don't know what actually happened and what didn't. It's all just....jumbled. A mess....does that make sense?" she asked, walking slowly from stall to stall.

"Completely," he said quickly, noticing how she jumped at his swift reply. "I mean, yeah, it makes sense that you don't know what to say and how to say it. But that's the beauty of backstory. Everyone's got a different one and they're all hard to explain and even harder to talk about. But, since we all have one, we can all relate to each other and help each other get through things that others have long since beaten. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," she said softly, looking at a mare that had lost her foal. "It does. And if there weren't people who judged you on said backstory, then we wouldn't have this problem, now would we?"

He sucked a breath in sharply.

"I'm sorry about that."

She stopped and turned to him, smile soft on her face.

"What? No, I wasn't talking about you, Wash. I've long since gotten over that. It's others. Others that you don't know, others that you will never know and others that you do know," she explained, crossing her arms and looking down at the concrete floor.

He gave her a confused look even though it never caught her eyes.

"Uh...can you...uh...explain that...a little further...please?" he asked awkwardly, trying not to push her too much.

Looking back up, she cast her eyes skyward in thought.

"Well...I guess I would say it's all about how I've been at the top all my life because it came easy to me. It's hard being at the top because you have everyone else trying to bring you back down," she explained, bit back tears evident in her voice.

Wow, this is hard for her...

Wash watched her swallow hard and avert her gaze from him again. Giving her space, he pretended that a foal across the row was interesting even though it was asleep with an angry mother watching over him/her. He watched Della silently slam her palm against the wood of the stall in frustration or at the memories that resurfaced in her head. His head dropped as his mind conflicted in thought.

Go to her...or don't.

Risk the wrath of North...or he never finds out.

Make things worse...or better.

Ruin the friendship....or strengthen it into the possibility of more.

Now it was his turn to hit the wood on the stall soundlessly. Everything he did was filled with questions about the choices he was making and how they'd affect everyone involved. He wanted to take a risk and do something daring...but it was hard for him. Taking chances had gotten him in some messy situations and now, even though there was no chance of those situations happening, he still worried.

However, Della also worried him. He really cared about her even though he hadn't done the best job expressing it. She was sweet and polite to everyone, even those who couldn't have been more rude (AKA York). There weren't enough people like that in the world and he wanted to make sure she stayed that way and that no one would break her from that. It was clear that North was trying in the best way that he knew how, but he wasn't getting anywhere because he didn't know how to deal with people who didn't want to be overloaded with sympathy. That's what he was good at. Wash, however, could read when people needed a wake up call and when they needed sympathy. Just sometimes he wasn't the best at delivering that. But he had gotten better and he wanted to prove to her that he wasn't going to be like North and he wasn't going to be arrogant like York and he wasn't going to hurt her like whoever had. The only thought that remained, however, hindered his progress.

Should I do it?

And the answer came crystal clear, as if it were through a filter.

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(Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Red VS Blue, they are owned by the lovely people at RoosterTeeth :))