Canon | (Harry Styles AU)

[thirty seven]

"I trust you too," I repeat back lamely. I could feel my heart beating like crazy because I just didn't want to do it. At least not right now. Not with two broken f*cking legs and no condom. It was just so unnatural, so staged. I needed that build up..those moments that led up to the greatest.

"Maybe we should just..you know-wait? For like the right..time?"I add feeling completely awkward for rejecting her.

"Of course," She nods quickly, embarrassment evident on her face. She looks a little hurt too, clearly she wasn't expecting this as my response.

"I'm sorry," I tell her,"It's just..I'm not exactly in the best condition and I want it to be special for you."

"I understand," She nods again, standing, ready to get past this awkward moment.

It felt like I was just feeding her bullsh*t. Like I didn't actually have the intention of sleeping with her. It was probably just because I wasn't ready right now. Right?

Once we're back downstairs it's clear the both of us are trying to act as normal as possible, engaging with the neighbors I don't give a sh*t about until I find Zayn and Louis.

"Guess what?" Zayn says to me enthusiastically, as I devour my burger and fries,"Cupcakes were a huge hit."

"Shut up," I mumble to him with a grimace.

"Can you believe Harry actually fell out of a wheelchair?" Zayn laughs, telling Louis,"How the f*ck does that happen?"

They both continue on laughing at my expense while Annette talks to some girls around our age. Louis says they go to our school that I have yet to see since I don't even want to think about school right now.

My mom is God knows where and then there's me. Im trying to keep myself busy with food but when I finish I half listen to the conversation Louis and Zayn are into because suddenly I see Jo, walking with a purpose from across the street. Her eyes are locked on me making me panic a little. She didn't deserve any of my time, and she had said she didn't want me to waste any of it on her..so why was she looking at me like she still had something to say? If anyone ever heard my thoughts they'd literally think I was the biggest dumb*ss ever. The Jo situation was plain, cut and dry..there was nothing to even remotely think about.

"..I've got some in my car,"Louis tells Zayn getting up,"Well just smoke one away from everyone in the backyard while they light the fireworks."

"You coming Harry?" Louis asks me, Zayn getting up now.

"He doesn't smoke." Zayn says for me.

"Actually," I say looking away from Jo,"I'll come too."

•

Fireworks fill the night air, while also dominating the streets as Zayn, Louis and I take turns taking a hit. I cough the most, making them laugh since they both regularly get there lungs exercised.

I feel much more relaxed after a few hits of whatever kind of weed Louis brought with him. Normally getting high was just a stupid waste of time and money to me but after the hell of day I had, I figured I needed it. I lean back in my chair, and simply stare up at the sky and enjoy the show. The colors look even more beautiful, with each puff I take and for the first time in a long time the only thing I'm thinking about is me.

"Harry.." I hear someone call out making Louis jump alittle, probably because he mistakenly recognized the voice as my mothers.

"It's not my mom..chill," I laugh. I wheel myself away from them in our hidden spot behind the shed near the back fence of my backyard, to see who it is.

From how high I am all I can do is groan at the sight of who it is.

"Can I talk to you real quick?" Jo asks me timidly. I don't know if it's because I'm high or what but something about her is just so..different.

"I'm busy," I mumble, hoping she'll just go away. God it's been so long that I've been high..my hands feel heavy and hot..I wish I didn't have to be in this stupid wheelchair. I just want to lay down and take a nap but all the effort of wheeling myself back into the house is enough to stop the thought right there.

"Oh," She says, gripping something white in her hands a little tighter. She begins to walk away making me smile because I didn't even have to yell or anything to get her to go.

Just as I begin to turn myself around she stops and comes right back.

"Did your friend..you didn't read that letter right?"She stutters to say.

"I did," I tell her dryly.

"Sh*t," She mumbles to herself.

"That..that letter wasn't the one I meant for you to read," She admits,"I must have mixed them up when I was at my aunts house..i..hopefully..well I just hope you'll read this one. It's the one I wrote right after.."

"Jonique," Someone calls out from the other side of the fence.

"After what," I curiously ask.

"Please just read it," She says one last time, shoving an envelope onto my lap,just as the biggest final fireworks exploded into the nights sky, dispersing into a small array of different colors. The light from the fireworks illuminates her face giving me a much better look at her, continuing my thoughts of how different she looks. I didn't know what it was, and with my mind feeling lazier by the second I just didn't care.

And as the firework fades from the sky, she's gone leaving me to think of a question I felt Id never answer.

Was I really over her, or was I just use to it?

[curious question: why do you think Jo seems different to Harry?]