Canon | (Harry Styles AU)

[nineteen]

"Just a friend huh?" Annette says looking much more frustrated.

"Yes," I say pathetically.

"Harry, I'm not an idiot. You and that girl are clearly much more then just friends," Annette says, taking another step toward the door.

"She's having family problems Annette, I'm just trying to be here for her," I say, grabbing ahold of her soft, cold hand in hopes of coming off as more sincere and reasonable.

"I have a lot of work to do, Harry," She says much softer, not even bothering to pull her hand from mine.

"We can do something together when you have the time. Just let me make it up to you, please," I practically beg, giving her a look that makes her smile slightly.

"Alright, we'll see," She then continues to grin before pulling away her hand, walking to her destination.

"Just uh, call me or something," I call after her before standing like some mannequin, frozen in my place. There was something inside me that just felt different. It wasn't exactly this conversation per say, just in general. It was like a realization had just hit me snapping me out of some bubble i was apparently in.

Walking back to my prior seat in the waiting room I can't help but to wonder why I even felt the need to make sure things with Annette were fixed. I haven't known her very long at all, and Jo clearly meant more to me then her. I felt as if I was coming up with reasons to justify myself when in reality I had no clue why I even cared. I never cared. I wasn't the type to make a sh.it ton of friends and do things with them. I never got to know people, except Zayn, on a personal level.

I'm not that person.

But maybe I wanted to be.

Maybe I wanted to change. Maybe I didn't just want to be that guy that always sat back and watched. Maybe I didn't want to just be the guy behind the lens.

I plopped myself down into the seat, my hands resting on my knees as I continued this revelation. I look over at Derek for a second, and I can't help but to feel envious of him.

I envy Derek because he's all the things I subconsciously wish I was. He has tons of friends, he's rich, his family and home life are just like those sixties sitcoms where everyone is kind and loving. He just had it all.

He wasn't like me. He wasn't the guy everyone thought was weird or an asshole. He didn't know what it was like to come home to an empty house everyday because his mom was always working.

Until I moved here I had never questioned myself, I was always self assured. But now, now all I wanted to do was change. It wasn't something I could even really stop at this point, because I was already changing. I can hardly believe that I've lost so much focus on the things that were always so important to me-taking pictures, and winning. Those were two things I use to think about on a constant. I just wanted to get ahead in life and be the best at what I did.

For a while it worked, it really did. I cant remember the last time I took a picture I didn't like. I always had an eye for my own vision. I could capture things in my own perspective, I was really good at coming up with ideas and making them come to life. I always prided myself in the work I produced because it was how I had wanted it. I was original. I did things in my own way. That's how I started this project with Jo, taking pictures my own way. But now all I wanted to do was take those generic posed pictures that any idiot with a finger and a camera can produce. I wasn't thinking artistically.

If I had my camera with my right now I'd scroll through each and every picture I took today at the boardwalk and I know exactly what I'd find.

Crap.