Canon | (Harry Styles AU)

[thirty one]

I can feel a sting building up in the pit of my stomach and I just..can't. I can't bring myself to go through this sh*t again.

Without a second thought or glance-i tear the letter and it's remnants up into the smallest pieces I can manage. Before shoving them into the trash can in front of me.

"Junk mail?" Zayn questions, checking his phone before slipping it back into his pocket.

"Yeah," I sigh, biting down on the inside of my mouth.

"So..where am I sleeping?" Zayn asks, changing the subject. Knowing him, he probably realized something's off with me but would rather drop it.

"Upstairs..you can sleep in my bedroom since its a hassle for me right now," I tell him, trying to shake off this feeling.

This stupid letter has to be some prank. It's probably full of bullsh*t. And if the letter was actually from Jo, why would I want to read it..there was no reason. It was done. She played me like a fool and I'm over it. I just didn't see a reason to pick at something that's already been put away and healed.

"Oh, I'll just wait till your moms back to see it then since you're a gimp an all," Zayn jokes, his eyes wandering the quaint old fashioned kitchen.

"I can go upstairs," I fire back, wheeling myself out of the kitchen toward the stairs.

"How the hell can you get up those stairs in that," He asks me curiously following.

"The hospital let me borrow this wheelchair lift sh*t..it takes me up and down when I need to," I explain, aligning the wheelchair to the wall in order for the lift to connect and work. Once I've got myself secured, I push a few buttons and get myself moving up the stairs.

"Sweet..what if it breaks?" Zayn asks slowly following behind me up the stairs.

"I'm like half way up the stairs..don't say sh*t like that you'll jinx me," I scold, keeping my eyes up. Looking down always kinda scared me since machinery wasn't always a hundred percent.

Once I'm free to wheel myself on the second floor, I show Zayn the bathroom, and my bedroom.

"It's bigger then your last room that's for sure," Zayn nods, dropping his bags to the floor before kicking them to the wall where I have tons of photos posted.

"Smells better too."

"Shut up," I laugh, switching a light on.

"And you've decorated..how artistic of you," Zayn laughs, looking at all the photos on the wall in front of him.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, picking at my skin. I get that nervous feeling one someone that knows me so personal looks at my work, especially Zayn. To him these wouldn't just be random photos in a collage, he'd feel my emotion in every abstract thought.

"A little," he replies in a distracted tone, before adding,"You got better..if that was even possible.."

"Those are just random shots to fill up space,"I shrug.

"Who's this?" Zayn asks me, pointing at the shots I took of Jo that first day I saw her.

I shrug again,"Random chick."

I hadn't spent much time in my room these past few weeks let alone looked at this collage. I honestly forgot I even had a picture of Jo up. I hadn't thought much of her at all..and I wasn't going to start.

"I'll be back..gotta take a piss," I tell Zayn, who nods, still staring at each photo intently.

As I wheel myself into the bathroom, I let out a deep breath. It was weird how suddenly I was feeling the way I felt a few weeks ago..when she first left. I start having second thoughts about ripping up the letter. Maybe it was an explanation..maybe she had to do that for whatever f*cked up reason she had.