The parts you leave behind

Chapter 11*

Blair's POV

I lay here in bed staring up at my ceiling just like I have been for a while now. Coming to realization that I've been doing this for hours makes me blink nonetheless, though I make no effort to move my tense body. So I stay there like I have been for hours on end.

Today is a day. A special day to be exact, or at-least to everyone else it is. Which may sound odd seeing as I'm supposed to care about this day more than anyone. But then again I've never cared nor enjoyed this day, even when I was a little girl.

It's November 9th. Otherwise known as...

"Happy birthday!" I hear my mom and brother shout as they bust my door open, and I close my eyes so I can even get a moment of peace before reality sets in.

I rub my eyes with the back of my hand as I mumble. "Thanks." In a groggy voice despite being up for so long.

"Oh my- I can't believe my baby is eighteen now." My mom coos and I sit up on my elbows to see her eyes glistening in the candle light of the 1 and 8. Oh for fucks sake.

"I know. My annoying little sister is now an annoying adult." My brother chimes in with a fake frown, trying to copy moms and I pick up one of my pillows and throw it at him to which he catches with a grin.

"Lucas stop that." My mom shakes her head then sits besides me on my bed as she holds my cake out in front of me. "Make a wish."

I look to the candles as the smoke from them invades my nostrils, and I just keep staring. I think about the things I want, and I think about all the things I wish I had but the one thing I want I can't have. And even if I did have something else to wish for, in what timing would I get it? That's the thing I don't have.

Time.

And as I was laying here earlier I just kept thinking about how this is the last birthday I'll ever have. This is the last time I can say I aged a year, and knowing that fact just makes me want this tumor to go ahead and take over. I just want this day to be over already so I don't have to remember that I'm not making it past this age.

But despite those thoughts I stick my neck out, and close my eyes while I blow out the candles as the burning smell comes into my senses. "Why do you look like someone just killed your best friend?"

I look over to Luke who's watching me with narrowed eyes. "I don't...now shut up." Then I sit up more so that I'm sitting criss crossed while my back leans on the headboard.

"Sweetheart is there anything we can do to get rid of these birthday blues?" My mom asks me with questionable eyes.

I would love for them to reassure me that it's going to be okay, even if we're all lying but I won't let myself ruin this day for them too. "I don't have birthday blues mom I'm just not a morning person."

"I think she's depressed." Luke chimes in.

My mom gasps. "Are you depressed?"

I furrow my brows in confusion. "What?" Then I blink a few times. Dumbass.

"She is." Luke nods as he frowns. Sarcastic asshole.

"I'm not."

"You are. Oh no, mom I see her trying to jump out her window in the near future." Luke looks at me with wide eyes, and I roll my own.

My mom goes to open her mouth out of worry but I cut that off. "I'm not depressed, nor do I have the birthday blues. I just woke up this morning and was dreading the part where I had to get up and go to school...mom can I please skip school?"