The parts you leave behind

Chapter 50*

Hayden's POV

I believe there's a moment in everyone's life where everything you've ever known just goes completely still. A moment when everything goes quiet, but you can feel yourself screaming and you can see people moving around you but you just can not hear anything. It's a feeling that sneaks up out of no-where and attacks you in a vulnerable moment, and all the sudden the world you grew up in, ceased to exist.

I think life is about showing people that no matter how much you avoid and try to live within a safe space, you can never truly get away from the pain you're meant to feel. You can run and run, but eventually we all get tired, and when you get tired is when the world chooses to show you what it's really made of.

And it is devastating. The world we live in is absolutely heart shattering, and soul destroying. Except nobody realizes it because the world is so good at disguising itself by giving you the life you want, but slowly as time goes on things always begin to slip from your grasp. Because that's just how things are. You can wish, and you can have all of the hope in the world, but that doesn't mean anything. You can't change your destiny no matter how much you try to, and the knife you feel go through your chest every time you think of this is an unbearable pain.

I think that moment when you realize everything, that moment when the world goes quiet. Your mind goes quiet. Everything becomes extinct, and in a split second everything you've ever known changes?

I think that moment just happened.

Maybe it was the moment I looked down at her to see her smile slowly slipping away. Or maybe it was watching the light in her green eyes flicker out right under my own gaze. Or maybe it was the moment her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she went limp in my arms and I had to catch her as I gasped for the worlds devastating air. And between that small amount of time, the knife you feel go through your chest only pushes further into mine until I am nothing but a lifeless body on the earth ground.

"Blair?" I hear myself question. Or shout. I'm not sure what I did in this moment because I don't feel like myself.

The dead weight in my arms makes my eyes widen as people turn towards me when I say her name so I'm guessing I screamed it. But as all of them begin to asks me question I can't hear what they say, all I can do is stop breathing as I try to zero in on hers, or try to hear her heartbeat because this can't be happening right now, this can't be fucking happening right now.

I want to act slow. I want to take my time to let the panic take over but then I remember she needs my help. River, needs my help. And so at that moment I blink my eyes because I signed up for this, I need to be strong like I said I would so I push back the nausea as I lift her in my arms with all the strength I have. Not physical strength either, with the little amount of strength I have left in my mind.

"I'm taking her to the hospital." I announce to everyone who seems to be talking to me, but I don't acknowledge them as I safely hold her in my arms as I make my way out of the gate and towards my truck because I trust myself to get there faster.

When I get to my truck I open the passenger side door, and lift the middle console before I put her in the front seat and slowly watch as her body falls to the side with wide eyes. Come on, Hayden. I push myself to close the door then run around my truck until I pull the drivers side door open, and I get in the truck where I start it and put her head in my lap before I speed off where I see a number of cars starting behind me.

"You'll be okay. Everything's going to be." I whisper in a shaky breath more to myself than anything as I blink back tears that are millimeters away from falling.