The parts you leave behind

Chapter 15*

Blair's POV

"Get off of me. This is embarrassing." I twist my face as I try to get out of his hold but he doesn't let go, if anything he holds onto me tighter.

My arms stay down to my sides as my eyes scan around to make sure no one looking, except people are. What the hell. "I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry. I'm an asshole."

"You're not wrong."

"I know." He nods and I sigh as I wait for him to let go. "I never should have brought any of that up. It was wrong, and you didn't deserve for me to take that out on you."

I roll my eyes at this. "I'm not sure why you act like I care that you're hugging me or apologizing. If anything you're pissing me off even more because I hate hugs, and I hate your apology because I don't forgive you."

"Sis..." Luke sighs, and I let out an annoyed breath because he only uses the sister card when he's really, really sorry. "I went off on you because I was mad you didn't tell us about the appointment...and I've been...jealous I guess?"

"Jealous?" I question then he finally let's me go and I stare into his similar but darker green eyes.

"You got to talk to him because he wanted to talk to you and he never even tried to reach out to me...I just feel like the fact that you have the same condition, kinda like brought y'all closer or something?"

I blink. "So you're jealous I got cancer and got to talk to our deadbeat of a dad? I guess I did win the lottery, huh?"

"I didn't mean it like that." He sighs.

"Sure," I nod in disbelief. "Well I'm not saying sorry on his behalf nor am I saying 'it's okay' so figure out how I feel for yourself."

I try to walk away but he grabs arm and pulls me back, preventing me from doing so. "Blair..." not again. "I didn't mean what I said okay? I love you and your condition doesn't make you any less. I also didn't think about all the harm it did for him to come back into your life while you were hiding such a critical thing from him."

I don't talk, so he continues. "And about the appointment, I just want to make sure everything's okay. I'm not trying to fight the inevitable, I'm just trying to stay in the loop so everything just kind of stressed me out all at once and made me take it out on you. Which I'm so sorry about because I love you and you didn't deserve that."

That's the difference between us. We both have issues of taking things out of proportion, except he tries to redeem himself. I don't. He thinks that his little apologies make things better, while I think they make things worse. So as I stand here listening to his pitiful I'm sorry, I can feel myself losing control of my emotions so I need to get out of here.

"Do you want a cookie or something?" I question as I blink a few times.

He brows furrow slightly. "I just want us to be okay again."

"We can be." I shrug before I bite the inside of my cheek. "But I don't forgive, and I most definitely don't forget...so I don't forgive you. I think you're a horrible person for saying something like that to me and I'll hold it close so I can use it against you sometime...but we're cool."

He exhales slowly because he knows that he won't get anything better out of me, and in-fact  if he keeps trying I'm only going to get worse with my words. Though I'm not coming up to him in the middle of the day at school and begging for forgiveness. Nor will I at home. Or at work. Or even on his damn death bed, I'm not saying I'm sorry, so he can't let this get any worse because he knows I will any day of the week.